unfortunately i am both Tom Sawyer and the fool he tricked into painting that fence

time to crochet with a bunch old ladies 😎

why didn't anyone tell me that protein pudding is actually kind of amazing

i am off work lying in bed on my 3rd fucking work phone call why can't everyone leave me alone

i am so very berry sleepy

but anyways my bush is looking luscious as hell rn

today was a rough one

i want to eat raw fish off of his biceps and lick them clean

i never said i was a good cook just that i know how to cook not the same thing

i'm sorry my mood swings have been so intense recently i'm just shedding my skin and the new skin is still itchy and raw

so now when grown ass adults can't cook i really have so little sympathy it's almost disgusting

one time when i was a kid i started throwing a tantrum because it was my job to cook dinner for the whole family and i yelled "i just don't know how to cook yet why are you making me do this?" and the response i got was basically that i needed to get used to this feeling because that is adulthood and i was just getting a head start so i should be thankful

it's always shoes on the bed with you freaks