it's all art, dear.

Thank you for sharing your talent it really means a lot to me and so many otherss... 🩷

oh my god. this is very sweet, thank you. it means a lot. you made my day :)

some of you have been randomly texting me giving words of appreciation and I'm so grateful.

this page here is really like my diary, i don't hold back when i write here. so for someone to find comfort in those words which have poured out of me with all honesty and vulnerability is maybe the best thing about human connection and poetry.

keep reading, I'll keep writing. it comes and goes, though.

of the tragic death of the alive

my heart has been through catapults

its own loud circus of ups and downs

the place I always come back to

like a cat folding itself in its loved nook

are my words, my poetry and my quiet

'tis another homecoming season, cheers

when you have a heart too big

the size of football fields and mountains

all of the oceans rolled into one

what do you do when it's left empty

pitch black with nothing to look at

all the blooming love now wilted petals

haphazard piles of memories and questions

you keep stumbling in search of light

the alive that chose to die for your sake

a death is never just a person's farewell

death is the end of a life and a universe

grieving a person can actually be okay

it's the universe that is tough to absorb

still walking in the dark of the room

but now my eyes have started to adjust

in the quiet of a dark room you left behind

I find myself humming tunes you hated

maybe the light is at the end of the tunnel

maybe I just need to scrounge for switches

whatever happens and however it goes

I'm happy that I have been freed of you

does the world blur out a little for you too whenever you realise that we are not us anymore?

do you lose your footing too?

I randomly start crying

sometimes the tears don't come

your voice is a physical thing

so is all of your face,

your eyes, your smile

I realise I love with too much of me

I find out that I don't hate that about me

what I do hate is having to talk to you in my mind

I think I'm rambling by now

the gist here is I miss you too much

the anger exists

but the pain consumes me

the hollow echoes too loud

as you already know

there are too many voices of my head

and now you're another one of them

feelings pouring out but it's rain on a grey pavement, not flowerbed

how does one heart stop calling out to another?

how do we tell the souls that the brains have decided to break apart?

you're not just in my thoughts but in my heart, my soul

I can logic you out of my life but my heart still made a mansion worth of space for you

what do i do? it's just an empty house now

I'm alone on a Wednesday at lunch hour with people all around

I'm alone on Saturday in a pub with clink of glasses and too much laughter

I'm alone on Monday, watching rain pour and change the colour of everything

all my heart can do is reach out for you

but you can't stay in my heart if you're out of my life

I won't allow you to dictate it anymore

I suffer in my yearning and yearn in my suffering

you'll go on to live in this same universe, just not my universe

I'll go on to keep missing you, hoping one day it hurts less

today, I'll let it kill me again but that mansion will remain empty

because you found another before leaving mine fully

because you stepped out and in of it and I let you, out of love

because you found another place to crash first and crashed my heart next

the mansion I made for you will remain empty

no matter how much the loneliness of it all empties me

but I still hope that you choose to read my poetry

we've been drifting away since so long

but now it's just pin drop silence

i never knew silence can feel so burdening

do you feel my absence in every minute too?

am i the only one getting hurt to my core here?

why is this world such a stupid unfunny place?

how am i expected to grieve an alive person,

with whom i once dreamed of building a forever?

the calls, the funny texts, the flirting

all of it just suddenly stops out of nowhere?

and now I'm supposed to accept that and move on

how does the fight between emotions and logic go

which one am i sitting in support of

my emotions beg me to run back to him like I've always done before

my logic commands me to see if he comes back

and meanwhile I'm stuck here in the messiest emotions known to mankind

while life around me stays literally the same

they say that life is all about the silver lining. well, you know how staring at a beautiful painting for too long can make you see its flaws? the silver lining has now started to waver and fade under my never ending stare.

life can test you so much sometimes.

the world doesn't run on fair and deserve. the world doesn't run on clear meanings of good and bad. i learnt this a while ago and it liberated me of so many why's.

all that matters is that there was love. that there were smiles and happiness. that people chose you and didn't just tolerate you. that's all there is to life. and money, tonnes of money, because that is what buys you things that bring you happiness or so i believe.

on so many days

a force that is out to get me?

everything the world encompasses for me

the people i consider my family

the guy whom i claim i love

a couple of people I'd want to actually call

all of these sometimes seem like a bigger force

and I'm small, maybe powerless

is the world out to get me? i don't know

all i know is that i would have been so different

if all that has happened wouldn't have

at least not with the same hurtful intensity

inside my heart, I'm allowed to be dumb

in the world it's necessary for me to be smart

is the world out to get me?

on many days, I stand strong and believe

I think of myself as a force

but it's all a mask of strength with a broken person inside

god knows what I'm trying to say here

just that the world has started more and more

to feel like a strange alien planet to me

than a place that brought me comfort

and thinking about all my years of life ahead

it doesn't fill me with any sense of spark

that I have to keep living this same old life

with my same old heart in this same old world

i can recognise them when i see it

they don't treat happiness as a blue moon

for them it's as simple as the sunrise

sometimes it hurts that I'm not happy

but hey everything is a phase, right?

so maybe my sad phases are only for now

sometimes it hurts that my identity is sad

this, this is the worst part out of it all

even when happy things happen to me

i can't feel joy how untarnished people do

for me joy comes with the reminder

that trauma just breaks your ability to hold it

for me, my normal is a sad forlorn outlook

sometimes it truly hurts that I was made this

because nobody is born broken after all

you have yearnings for the future

dreams and fantasies that may never happen

yet you miss stills from the past

friends you left behind, life you left behind

even when you dream of something

and when you get to live that very dream

it's not enough, no

you still miss the past, the one where you were dreaming

even when you are grateful for what you have

grateful for all you get

you still have the void for all that you once had

the void of what you once had

never really gets filled again that way, does it?

it's like childhood, once it's over, it's over

I'm moving through life with all its turns

and there are paths i hated walking on so much

but today when I'm on the next path, i miss it

i don't want to go back to it and yet i miss it

these emotions, they're more complex

than the whole universe sometimes

and this one is not about the end

it's more about the twists and turns

more about the little wins and smiles

we're stories crafted of time, people

of emotions of every colour there is

we're stories that are more than just

our biggest moments combined

life happens more in the small moments

than it ever will in the big ones

every morning is more important

than one morning on one special day

maybe that's just how i look at it

but I would rather have

my everyday be a source of happiness

in miniscule but definite doses

than the next big event of my life

which has equal chances of going wrong

life may be defined by milestones

and events that divide it into phases

but life is remembered by the quiet moments

that you smiled in while looking at the moon

this is the part where the glass has water

it has been good

I'm grateful for it not being stuck anymore

it was worse before

this is the glass half full part

but everything is always out of my control

or my wishes, to be precise

life happens to me but not in the ways I'd like it to

I'm always catching up

to people, to life, to everything

and this, the half empty part, weighs on me

maybe we need to stand back

just be like

at least the glass has some water

and move on without thinking any more

maybe that is the way to a stress-free life

maybe I'll try it out for size

and mine has become a plea now

a plea for yours to be real

for it to sound as true as it once was

your eyes don't stay on me like before

earlier they never left me, you know?

now they hardly ever stay for a minute

where is the love in those eyes now?

you know i am feeling lost to you

yet you never show a little care

maybe you want me to break away

slowly, steadily, completely, from you

somedays i wish i could rewind time

bring back the you who loved me

but hey, you still say you love me

i let myself believe it so i can sleep

what is it about this familiarity?

I'd rather take a familiar relationship

that has lost all its colour with time

than the terrifying unfamiliar alone

"say something, I'm giving up on you"

have you heard this song before?

nowadays i think it was made for me

oh, how badly I don't want this to happen

time is the biggest test of all, they say

does your failing this test count as mine too?

if you walk away, did i lose the bet too?

or is it just everything else that i could lose?

i have endless words for you, as usual

i don't know how to not be yours

the sad part here is, i know i haven't been

yours for a long, long time now

for the moments where I sit back, look around and smile for absolutely no reason

I recently read that the secret to life is being "not unhappy" (thanks fredrik backman) because happiness all the time js just too absurd of an idea

let yourself take a step back and just be.

~ shreeya.

there is no emotion that needs me to do so

we rarely write about the normal moments

then there are the lows and the even more lows

the first thing i run to in lows is my pen

because nobody has ever taken even a minute

to understand everything that i stand for

other than my pen, my paper and my poetry

it's funny how much love can exist in people

without you ever fully understanding them

life is some weird concoction i find too bitter

at this point I don't even know what I'm writing

i just know that I'm upset about people i love

and writing it here makes me feel more heard

than any human in my life has ever made me feel

so i ask you, "what are you looking for?"

you say, "all my knives are lost."

darling, if only you would have looked at my heart.

you say I'm the centre of your universe and I believe you.

the next day you throw sharp words around and I think, "bull's eye!"

either you don't know how to love or you think it's okay to hurt if you also love.

either you don't realise that you hurt or you think it's okay for you to hurt because you also love.

but you don't know how to love.

and you are too good at hurting.

I've said it a million times before and I'll say it a million times again.

if you love someone and they do not feel loved by you, you don't love that someone, you just like that they love you.