I Have No Clue What I'm Doing

Stop letting your heart and your pussy choose your men.

I’m confused, what is left…

Oh nvm lmao my brain. You right sis lol you is right

You really forgot your whole brain.

she read this post with her pussy

It's so hard to come to that conclusion though, like at this point unalive is a part of gen Z culture. It's just using a word, they're not even thinking about talking on TikTok or YouTube anymore, they're just talking. It's a lot like people getting mad over AAVE because it's not grammatically correct and yes it's not, but AAVE is a cultural usage of English, a dialect if you will. They use it because their friends and family use it, everyone talks that way. Nobody thinks about grammar when speaking AAVE. It's actually kind of offensive if you try to correct someone. It's like that with unalive too. It's a clashing of culture, we don't understand it because we see it as it was formed, a response to a shitty half ass language filter, not as it is used, which is just another word for kill, death, or died. I really think this one is just not a big deal enough to fight. I think that teacher in the first part, while I agree with the sentiment and find the story funny, it's also in my opinion not about maturity but just a culture thing.

From working with children, the way kids who use unalive react when they hear someone say kill or suicide, it's not just slang or comparable to minoritised dialects, it's self-censorship, active and deliberate with fear of consequences built into it.

Also not to derail but AAVE does in fact have grammar.

This

every fucking time I see this I miss the "7 month old" part, then when I see the image I fucking lose it. god fucking dammit

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

ppl managing to live where they grew up is really bizarre to me

Hi! Croatian here. As an inland country, I found a job processing uranium. We have a lot of it.

God I wish I was processing uranium in Croatia

I think about this post every day

Hey, another Croatian here! Croatia has a coastline and I can’t find a single mention of uranium in Croatia. I don’t know what kind of paralel universe this person is from.

@one-time-i-dreamt

As a Croat, this is my favorite post on this website.

I DIDN’T LEARN ABOUT THIS IN DRIVING SCHOOL

THIS IS ALWAYS FUNNY

idk who needs to hear this rn but suffering is not noble. take the tylenol

One time when I was younger I was refusing to take headache medicine and my mom said “the person who invented that medicine is probably so sad you won’t let them help you” and now every time I find myself denying medicine I just imagine the saddest scientist making those big wet eyes like “why won’t you let me help” and whoop then I take the medicine

I like how it’s shocked you took a screenshot like they know they’ve been caught

The person running the Jorts Twitter is using it to promote unions, which is awesome.

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