parallax did nothing wrong

this is your pilot speaking I need one of you to bring me a burger that’s going to restore my will to fly this aircraft

did you know avoidance only makes all of your problems worse. no one has ever discovered this before

I've suspected this for a long time but I usually try not to think about it

there should be a jesus on the cross emoji. not for any religious reasons. just so I can use it for every slight inconvenience.

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me

What if everything gets better in 2016

Hey guys you should totally get into this thing i like. Yeah it's mid at best. It also aged poorly. You'll get nothing out of it at all. You'll like the idea of it more than the actual thing. But at least only takes half your natural lifespan to finish it

it’s amazing how women are able to navigate crowded rooms without ever touching a palm to a man’s lower back

every day i accidentally buy something that costs money again

every day it gets harder to have a relaxed jaw and decent posture

Aliens bodies are probably different as hell. Or similar

have you noticed that everything depends on various factors

not only is it not friday it’s not even thursday. or wednesday