Screaming Through a Slidey Tube

Hey @r3ally-bad-url remember when you used to refer to me as “that nice British girl with the cool coat?” Now you just call me “absolute chungus” and “heinous bastard.”

I JUST SAW A REALLY CHUNKY RACCOON ON MY WAY HOME FROM WORK

This has the positive, opposite energy of my day today when I passed a Canadian Goose, rolled the window down, and called it a bitch. 

Fun things they don’t teach you in sex ed.

Talcum powder has asbestos in it. Has for years. Leave it be

humans don’t have enough ornamentation. where’s the plumage, the antlers

i could go for a good vibrant throat sac i could display as i sing in the mating season

Humans have some of the most extreme hair variation over their bodies in the animal kingdom, with hair on some parts of our body a few millimetres long and fine enough to be almost invisible, and hair in other parts a good metre long if not artificially trimmed. Part of the inside of our mouths are turned out to make our lips bright red, we have comically oversized breasts and lack penis bones to make erections more indicative of impressive circulation, and have some of the most complex behavioural adaptations to self-ornamentation for courtship seen in anything that doesn’t spend half its life collecting blue bottle caps. How much ornamentation do you want?

I’d like antlers, as previously stated

You turn on your PC to keep working on your novel, but to your surprise, when you open the file, it is writing itself. You read some of what has already been written and it seems your characters have created free will, and the plot is progressing without you.

“oh thank god” says the writer

Squish

this post is like getting a gentle kiss three times

it totally reminds me of that gif of an anime girl slipping on the gym floor

Blocked

Parried

im gonna get a huge wolf-like husky and give it a name like James or David or Sandra or something. Something really human sounding. And convince everyone who comes to my house that theyre just my friend who was cursed with lycanthropy.

I’m gonna renovate my guest bedroom so it looks really lived in. It’s got posters for like. Wolves and stuff on the walls. And a to do list that has stuff like “pay rent” “turn into dog” and I’m gonna put some scratch marks on the walls and the bed and a chain on the heater. And I’m gonna train the dog to sleep there so it really pulls off the whole effect. This is a really long con plan.

Just found out neanderthal passed on the DNA for depression and now we know why they stayed in caves and painted horses all fuckin day 

Reblog if you’re a depressed neanderthal who stays in their cave and paints horses all fuckin day