Feeling all kinds of upset tonight. One of the young ladies training with us (who has been around much longer than me, she started training at 10, sheâs now 21) was crying in the locker room after practice.Â
It turns out, sheâs super stressed because she feels she should try to go for nidan in March, but she doesnât feel ready at all. Many of our older sempai have told her she should try. Itâs hard in Japan to make a difference between a gentle nudge/encouragement, and a kind of âokay, now do itâ. She told me and other ladies that it had gotten worse since another guy, her age, passed his nidan last year. Suddenly, itâs her turn.
But - and thatâs where I feel bad - she is now even more under pressure, because every time I can, I try to practice a couple of nidan techniques and it makes HER panic.Â
I donât do it because I plan to test anytime soon, only because 1) I love to learn new stuff that we donât practice during normal training as it keeps me motivated to progress AND work on the basics, 2) I have no opportunity to do them outside the 10 minutes of free practice we have because of work and family that makes me leave right away, 3) it will take me FOREVER to nail nidan requirements because itâs super hard and Iâm a coordination mess with poor hip mobility - and again 10 minute slots! 4) Iâm an hyperactive overachiever who just needs to do this kind of stuff, and while Iâm grateful people call me a model sometimes, I swear that itâs not healthy.
However, what I didnât know, is that it sent HER the message she should really do it because sheâs been a shodan for more years than me.Â
I felt SO BAD, like a bad guy or bully.Â
With my poor Japanese, I tried to tell her that everyone went at their own pace, that nobody could force her to test, that it didnât matter if she did it this year, the next or two years from now, that practice was meant to be fun and enjoyable, not stressful. Thatâs it HER choice, her move, nobody elseâs.
For sure, at 21, itâs harder for her to grasp that for me (twice her age), time is running a bit faster, my body and mind are harder to shape and ârewireâ, so I need to tackle all of this sooner than others.Â
I wish I could tell her that with time, sheâll grow the thicker skin that comes with years and experience, pain, rough situations etc., that will protect her from inner self-pressure and self-esteem issues AND outside peer pressure (even when itâs positive). The language barrier really sucks sometimes.
