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Those two Pagliacci tweets always fucking send me

‘project hail mary is about the power of friendship’ ‘project hail mary is about hope’ ‘project hail mary is about accidentally becoming too important at work’ wrong wrong wrong you’re all wrong. project hail mary is about what it would take for a single man in his 30s to own a fully paid off beachfront property in today’s economy

my sister has apparently had to stop playing Skyrim because she stole every book in the game to stock her house so now her house is full of books to the point where it almost breaks the game and every time she tries to read one guards teleport into her home and arrest her

Ray Bradbury - Fahrenheit 451 (1953)

everyone who reblogs this and is like "I ordered my own tea this week" or "I only barfed once when I had to give a presentation'- you are doing amazing sweetie. Have patience with yourself, you are relearning a skill so difficult that people get 4 year degrees to do it professionally.

If I was in a dead wife montage I would be farting in those white sheets

my dead wife is boring as fuck and all of my flashbacks are of her farting loud

driving 90 minutes to my favorite empty lot to smoke 1 cigarette

am i allowed to say kill all trillionaires or is that too specific of a threat

It's Matteo JWHJ0715!!!!! Very talented director (italian mother, license plate father)

if you go looking for doom and gloom all you will see is doom and gloom. if you go looking for reduced items at the grocery store you may find a littol treat

It’s so funny to me that the Mr beast team took some mid range influencers on a tour of beast games and put Folding Ideas and Doug Walker in the same group

Seemingly they were very polite with each other as expected from mostly normal adults but imagine going on a tour of Mr beast hq with Doug Walker which is weird enough but you are also someone who made a whole video about how he doesn’t understand creativity or subtext

it really is crazy that women's clothes don't fit anybody. fat women can't find clothes, skinny women can't find clothes, tall women can't find clothes, short women can't find clothes, big chested women can't find clothes, small chested women can't find clothes. who the fuck are these being made for

we all really resonated with this one huh

As near as I can tell they’re all just designed to hang on hangers.

why do men have this eternal fear of being used for money they don’t have lol

and what if I told you guys that virtually everyone you ever meet will turn out to be really interesting if you give them a chance

some real miserable fucks in the notes I fear

I'm not even saying you have to talk to every single person you meet. and you're certainly not going to LIKE all of them. but every person does have a rich interior life and complex feelings and unique worldview. sorry.

this is truly one of the most tumblr posts i've ever seen. i know chronically online people exist in all corners of the internet but i feel like this is the only place where someone could say something as uncontroversial as "you will find out that people have personalities when you talk to them" and get responses like "oh so you're making the ABLEIST assertion that i should FORCE MYSELF to push past my SOCIAL ANXIETY to talk to BIGOTS????" amazing work, guys