month starting on a monday we have no excuse guys lets get to work and lock the fuck in

yk its actually very chic and avant garde to start on tuesday the second

many claim theres nothing more subversive and revolutionary than starting on wednesday the third

someone needs to invent reverse cornflakes. i want to eat a cereal that gives me a demonic erection and inflicts upon me an insatiable lust

im completely addicted to Open Link in New Tab

if Open Link in New Tab is wrong then baby i dont want to be right

when i was a kid i decided that killing people was bad therefore war was bad therefore the military was evil. and adults would tell me it's more nuanced than that and i would understand when i grew up. well i'm a grown up now and idk i still think that killing people is bad and war is bad and the military is evil

psychoanalyzing the gender/identity dichotomy between ice skating and ice hockey and coming to the more objectively correct conclusion that ice hockey is rooted in motherly feminine behavior of protecting the nest and that ice skating is about masculine peacocking of one's own physical prowess in seeking a mate

big fan of whatever the youth is doing to torment scientology buildings

At this point it's more disappointing than shocking that not a single assassin in the states can aim a fucking gun

we give buzzfeed a lot of rightful criticism now that it’s not 2014 but that kristin chirico piece where she photographed herself in various different clothes shop fitting rooms to prove that the lighting in them is precision engineered to give you body dysmorphia still regularly salvages me from the verge of anorexic crisis ten years after its publication

You guys hear about that 18 month old baby at a zoo that wandered away from their parents (who were on their phones…), entered a restricted zone, stuck their hand into the wolf enclosure and got bit? The parents are being charged with child endangerment but what I want to know is why the fuck does this keep happening? You do not have to take your toddler to the zoo, especially a one and a half year old who is too young to fully appreciate the zoo. You could have stayed at home and scrolled on your phone while ignoring your baby in an environment containing 0 carnivorous apex predators. You would think the zoo would be one place parents feel the need to constantly supervise their kids but no, they’re like “Oh yeah, honey, go ahead and go swimming in the stingray tank, I’m going to play Candy Crush for 45 minutes.”

guy who's having gauzy idealized wife flashbacks for the whole adventure but it turns out she isn't dead or anything he just really misses her and wants to get home

i tried explaining to this girl at a party once how i could be gay and asexual at the same time and it basically boils down to never being into anyone but like once a year i’ll find a man attractive. and she was like “so what am i if i only like girls, and i’ve never found any of my boyfriends attractive and and i just wanna do cocaine all the time?” i was like “you’re a lesbian with a coke addiction?” and she was like “woooooah”. she broke up with her boyfriend that night and had a threesome with two girls in the bathtub. rebecca if you’re out there, i hope you’re going places. well, not far, since you’re electronically tagged. but spiritually.