we did it babby

but dude had magic hands. I have shoulders that feel like bricks due to a lifetime of stress and giant naturals. and he worked them like my personally assigned angel. (my shoulders, not my naturals) at the end of the first session he mumbled the equivalent of “was that anything?” and I tried to figure out how to tell him I was conceptually in love with him perhaps, like the way you are in love with a welcome breeze on a scorching day. instead I replied with the equivalent of “boy howdy that was a swell time”. why would I remember what I actually said if so much of my addled mind is dedicated to how he kneaded me like god’s bread?

the second time I saw him, I wanted to see if the first time was maybe a fluke, like the way you think a meal is astonishing but you were just really hungry that one time. but no. his hands once again translated the needs of my body like they were written on me like braille sacraments. yet again he carried the demeanor of someone who didn’t actually work there, he just got lost one day and stumbled in and was too polite to say anything. that was my chris.

I have always been too poor to afford such a luxury of regular massages but I was willing to sacrifice something trivial, like groceries, to see him once a month. but on the third time I tried to make an appointment, I was informed he no longer worked there. my heart sank. I asked if they knew where he went and they told me they didn’t know. I googled “chris masseuse” but for some reason this yielded no answers. he had vanished from my life as unexpectedly as he had entered it.

I really just have to summarize Thomas's entire life:

He was in a committed relationship with a male swan named Henry for 18-24 years before a female swan named Henrietta showed up and mated with Henry.

Thomas was initially jealous of the pair and attacked them, breaking 2 of the 5 eggs Henrietta had laid. However, once the remaining eggs hatched, Thomas warmed up to them and helped raise them.

Henry couldn't fly because of an injured wing, so Thomas taught the cygnets how to fly.

When they needed to reduce the goose population in the pond where Thomas and the swans lived, they dyed Thomas's feathers red so he wouldn't be separated from Henry.

Henry, Henrietta, and Thomas remained in their happy throuple for years and raised 68 cygnets before Henry died in 2009. After Henry's death, Henrietta found another swan and flew away, leaving Thomas alone.

Thomas finally met and mated with a female goose in 2011 and had his own babies. However, another goose named George stole them and raised them himself.

As Thomas grew elderly and blind, he was relocated to a wildlife center where he raised orphaned cygnets.

His caretaker at the center described him as "pretty high maintenance."

Thomas died in 2018 at the age of around 40. He had a funeral that included a small coffin and a procession that was led by a bagpiper. He was buried under the stone where Henry was buried, the two finally reunited in death.

retrieval team for objects in the backseat

custodian of the parking garage tickets

"All clear my way"

en-route dining concierge