libby

sports is really like is this 16 year old we abducted from his schooling the next coming of christ

also at the end when they ask you "any questions?" and you can't think of anything: ask about parking. even if you don't have a car.

I have an interview today in a couple hours, how did the algorithm know I needed this

Btw when they ask if you have questions some actual good options are stuff like “what’s a typical day like in this role” or “is this job open because someone is leaving or is this a new position”

#is full optional a thing in English? like when you buy a car and get all the fancy things? (via @gods-keysmash)

This is painfully American

when we say "it is functionally impossible to parody Americans in a way that will actually insult them" this is the sort of thing you're up against. is your sick burn funnier than corporation burger clown sing national anthem baseball game? no?? of course it isn't.

the reason we're not clowning on the clown is because he has a very nice singing voice and isn't spraying sauce over the goddamn song.

Also that’s an irritatingly hard song. Anyone who can sing it decently deserves some respect.

"Tattoos are becoming unpopular", "piercings are unpopular again", "keep your hair natural never dye it again, it's the trend now" literally fuck off I know what y'all are doing

all my haters become cicaders when i enter the summer of success

yeah yeah yeah fuck-drunk shane but have we considered fuck-drunk ilya maybe shane rode him into next sunday or maybe ilya was just so lost in the sauce he got a little stupid about it so afterwards he just lies on the bed with little cartoon hearts floating around his head and giggling to himself because Wow he just loves shane so much and he feels so good and floaty but they have things to do today and ilya is in charge of the shopping cart but he keeps driving into things and if shane didn’t have good reflexes there would have been a flood in the wine section and he keeps pawing at shane and leaning into him and he hasn’t heard a word of what he’s said the last half an hour because his face is just too pretty and he’s having a hard time multitasking at the moment

I hate that this is in the headline style of the onion so I had about three point five seconds of "...wait"

Actually I've decided this is a poem

a quirk of sexting while british is switching from arse to ass. i would never fuck someone in the arse. its impolite.

generational thing, the slow inevitable americanisation of anal

Oh but I get it