The Bears Are In

Lowkey I bet it felt good as fuuuuuuck to be one of the coal miners that got to blow a pinkertons brains out from a high ridge with a bolt action rifle.

i can understand the trials but were the tribulations really necessary

I want for you to stand proud. We’re all real skeletons. Can you believe it? Real skeletons. Not like the skeletons in movies. Real ones. Every one of us. Our life is built on miracles

i have a false tooth filled with a placebo in case i'm ever captured and need to be a control subject

my mom told me this story tonight about my grandfather. she said when he was a little boy he was afraid robbers would break into his house in the middle of the night and try to abduct him out of his bed. he thought that they would be able to feel that he was the shape of a little boy under the covers and know to grab him. so he would try to fall asleep in the shape of a letter of the alphabet. so that they would feel for him and be like "oh it's just the letter R, not a kidnappable child"

The ancient sumerians had everything they needed to make an addams family pinball machine and yet they didnt

canaries were used in coalmines due to their incredibly hard beaks, they could break through stone as well as any pickaxe

I can tell my evil advisor has been feeling down lately so I've been pretending to take big sips from his cursed chalice and then roaming the palace grounds groaning and clutching my abdomen. Lowkey I know it's deceptive but I can tell it's really cheering him up. I heard him evilly cackle for the first time in weeks. WIBTA if I keep doing this

really oxidized coin fell out of my wallet and I said out loud to the cashier “oh no, my yucky penny”

I can relate to the secretary bird

Being unemployed allows you to access an alternate 'shadow world' beneath our own populated only by retirees

formative years? aren’t they all?

it's so funny to me that you can share a location to Uber/Lyft from iNaturalist. oh there was a frog here? take me. IMMEDIATELY