bruh

just woke up from a dream where there was a new overwatch hero unveiled named “slurm” and she had a monster mouth for one arm and wore only rags…. additionally in the dream overwatch models all glitched and all the characters were naked for one hour. This prompted tumblr discourse about, and i quote, “junkrat’s huge, messy, schlappy balls” that would slap around his thighs meatily as he ran

honestly “i’ll do whatever you want” “then perish” is the single most powerful exchange possible in the english language and it’s from some bizarre “hewwo” obama rp

And there was that other post where someone dreamt that Obama said “violence for violence is the rule of beasts” like what is it about Obama that makes people come up with such raw fucking dialogue for him

my mother had a dream where he lived in the forest and she had a cigarette with him and he said “to become god is the loneliest achievement of them all” and put it out and walked into the mist and i’ve never fucking forgotten that

I once dreamed that a giant meteor was headed for earth, and the government had set up loudspeakers throughout the cities so Obama could give a final address - I’ll never forget how strangely comforting it was when he said “there are places we’ve never been before. Some of us have never been to the Alps, some of us have never been to Marrakesh. The next life is simply another place we’ve never been before, and we’re all going to go explore it together.” 

I know like 6 of these people

Screaming

I am white and would like to confirm the validity of these statements.

I went to college with everyone on this list

listen my man it doesn’t matter how many times you shriek you need a healer I am a delicate little music boy and you need to stay close to get your healing not charging into danger so you better jingle jangle back into the love zone or I’ll push your ass off a cliff

My first thought was “Bard in D&D”, it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize the OP probably meant Lucio in Overwatch.

This is why I really like books that are set in oldey times with people who have views like this, and why it annoys me when people say but that’s not historically accurate

tbh, half the time ‘not historically accurate’ is code for ‘i wish things were still like my imaginary version of 19th century England only minus the cholera’

This just makes me absurdly happy, especially because it’s written by a man calling out other men for this shit.

“But they didn’t know better” you sure about that?

dude was so mad about this he was snarking in all caps

IM DYING

thisismouseface

YO ON SOME ANIME SHIT THIS DOPE AF!!!!

Some loser: Wrestling is fake Me: Explain THIS Loser: Holy shit

i’m so delighted that tumblr found out about this match, because lord have mercy, twitter was losing its shit over it

who wrote this, expose him

my breasts are nicely separated. Completely divided, every year they move apart by half an inch.

My breasts are nicely separated though they still fight for custody of the children.

I,,a woman,,,am WiDeR LOweR dOwN

That was difficult to read.

So ugly

My name is Ebony D'arkness Dementia Raven Way, and my breasts are nicely separated

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT AND HOW ON EARTH DID IT GET PUBLISHED

You can always tell when it’s a man writing a description because they focus oddly on the breasts. There will always be something about breasts and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read historical or fantasy fiction and they talk about “her breasts hanging freely under her tunic” or what the fuck ever and it’s like…women don’t do that? We don’t describe ourselves by saying “I have blonde hair and blue eyes and my breasts hang freely under my tunic”. I kind of feel like we should counter by awkwardly mentioning all male character’s balls in their description. It’s kind of in the same vein.

“I have auburn hair and hazel eyes and my copious nicely separated balls hangs freely under my breeches”

G E T W I D E R L O W E R D O W N

“To get back to my body”