i dont mean to victim blame but why do these vampires keep talking to daniel molloy when they know he's daniel molloy

They think they can outsmart him just because he’s a baby

I realize this is a cast iron gate but I’m choosing to believe it’s a magic protection ritual

It IS a magic protection ritual, and it summons an iron gate to protect you from intruders. 

“I cast Iron Gate!”

As a blacksmith I have been called a wizard by several small kids

i don't consider myself much of a shipper but everytime i am reminded of armand and Daniel i just. it's so funny. i am 500+ years old. you are a terminally ill 70 y/o human journalist who i psychologically tortured and kept in my flat for a week in the seventies. i might be your wife. i define myself exclusively on others. will you be my nepo fledgling. ignore the fact that i said i would never make one. i'm making people walk into traffic. let's make a vlog together

i have been informed by literally every french speaker on earth that “une pipe” is slang for blowjob

when people defend the “Cis white guy is default” thing like “He’s meant to be an everyman we can all relate to and project on!” kindly remind them the largest ethnic group in the WORLD is Han Chinese and the highest gender percentage fluctuates so if you want an ACTUAL  “default” you want a 40 year old chinese person whose gender changes from year to year.  

#give us the middle-aged gender fluid Chinese protagonist that we can all relate to and project on (via @mr-and-mr-pavus)

my life isnt perfect but at least im not doing a mans laundry

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

It is not enough to get into a comfy sleeping position- one must go through several and spin like a rotisserie chicken to arrive at the position you started with.

I want to see the vampire who lives in this. I bet his name is Chad or Hunter.

And he's ready to crack open a boy with the cold ones.