still trying to make a whale

I’m 33 now, and I still discover a new joke every time I reread it.

*starts thunderously knocking on the doors of heaven*

In the UK, the book of the peerage is called Burke’s Peerage. Burke sounds like berk, which means a silly/annoying person. So Terry took ‘twerp’, another word for a silly or annoying person, and replaced the e with u. 

Trans silvas very simply translated into german would be über den Wald

Trans silvas -> Transsilvanien -> Überwald

The Venturi Effect is a scientific term referring to the acceleration of a liquid through a narrow tube (like a jet).

Selachii is a classification of sharks. (I discovered this when my stepson got really into sharks)

The Malleus Maleficarum is a very real, very nasty and absolutely batshit insane book from late 15th-century Germany, basically laying out the procedure for catching, torturing, and executing witches. Its title translates to The Hammer of Witches. The other titles are Pratchett's inventions.

Also the further you move toward the poles the more pronounced the difference between the length of day and night is. Worst part of a far-north (or south) heatwave is it doesn’t get dark long enough for meaningful cooling.

Chapters: 15/15

Words: 150k total

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Soft dom Ilya Rozanov / BOAT Shane Hollander

Main Tags: slave AU; canon-parallel storytelling; kink awakening; mistaken identity; the porn is the plot; no fading to black here tyvm; happy ending

Excerpt

At twenty-one, Shane Hollander was the celebrated Captain of the Argent polo team. He was the youngest rider ever to win the Nine Isles’ Championship Race. He was the youngest son of the governing house of Argent—a house which thrived on order, respectability and tradition, and above all abhorred a scandal.

For anyone to think that Shane Hollander might enlist a male pleasure slave for his own enjoyment would be humiliating in the extreme. Beyond excruciating; career-ending. A catastrophe.

Shane felt his face heating as he stared, unable to look away.

The man's features looked high-born, all strong jaw and fine brow, and yet his handsome face was framed with curly dark-blond hair that fell to his shoulders, and his wide blue eyes were smudged with kohl. And—he was wearing a collar.

Factory Settings has quickly become the fanfic that I consider to be my replacement for S3. It's true perfection, responds to all the narrative threads set up in S2, and ends so satisfyingly.

Spoilers to the fanfic, and S3, follow...

Recently listening to Nosferatini's fantastic audio version of it (which you really must listen to - her voice acting is incredible), I also noticed how it predicts a couple of plot points that we ended up seeing on screen.

First, the Bentley in space!

and second, Michael destroying the Book of Life

Coincidence?! Well maybe. But, as Factory Settings was complete at 100k+ words less than 3 weeks after S2 aired, was published Anonymously, and has long been rumoured to have been written by someone associated with production, I find all of this very compelling.

I do hope the author chooses to reveal themselves in the future.

Chapters: 1/15

Words: 12k now, 150k total

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Soft dom Ilya Rozanov / BOAT Shane Hollander

Main Tags: slave AU; canon-parallel storytelling; kink awakening; mistaken identity; the porn is the plot; no fading to black here tyvm; happy ending

Excerpt

At twenty-one, Shane Hollander was the celebrated Captain of the Argent polo team. He was the youngest rider ever to win the Nine Isles’ Championship Race. He was the youngest son of the governing house of Argent—a house which thrived on order, respectability and tradition, and above all abhorred a scandal.

For anyone to think that Shane Hollander might enlist a male pleasure slave for his own enjoyment would be humiliating in the extreme. Beyond excruciating; career-ending. A catastrophe.

Shane felt his face heating as he stared, unable to look away.

The man's features looked high-born, all strong jaw and fine brow, and yet his handsome face was framed with curly dark-blond hair that fell to his shoulders, and his wide blue eyes were smudged with kohl. And—he was wearing a collar.

Chapter 3: Palladium

Summary: the boys unexpectedly reconvene at an away game.

Hello again!

The shock waves from Good Omens Season 3, or The Finale, or whatever that was continue to resonate, and several conversations have referenced the way things actually began to get weird during season 2 -- culminating, of course, in That Kiss, which I view (ymmv) as part gratuitous infliction of distress on the fandom, because a Certain Person enjoys (per some very credible public testimony) reeling people in and then hurting them, and part simple cynical orchestration of clamor for a conclusion (ring another one up on the register, boys).

The book was complete in itself. Season 1, impressively faithful to the book (credit where credit is due), was complete in itself. Yes, Crowley predicted a future Big One that would be "all of us (humanity and those on humanity's side) against All Of Them (the power structure of corporate Heaven and Hell)." But Armageddon was spiked, Satan was undercut by his own intended heir, and Aziraphale and Crowley -- who at best helped, but endeared themselves to us in the process -- were last seen sitting at the Ritz, enjoying Earth's luxuries and looking forward to retirement free of Celestial interference, whether it involved simply hanging out together, or a cottage by the sea, choose your own adventure. And quite a lot of us have decided that canon ended there.

I've certainly lost any faith that there was ever a serious outline for a sequel. Season 2 was supposedly a "bridge" to a "fully plotted out conclusion;" season 3, when we got there, was a thematically antithetical incident salad that made zero sense even if you allow for the compression into one-third the intended runtime. And that second season itself was six episodes of thin plot and a mostly forgettable supporting cast; the humor (again, ymmv) was strained, the fan service embarrassingly heavy-handed, and the proliferation of Mysterious Inconsistencies was just... exhausting. But the fandom responded with a lot of fics that tried to be less flimsy and more thoughtful; most of all, to resolve the "end of act II breakup" in a credible way (something that season 3 Never. Did). For this week's Throwback, I toss out three of my 2023 offerings, all rated T.

I'll Wait -- Aziraphale's back in Heaven. Crowley's trying to pick up the pieces on Earth. Both find that there's time to consider all the unsaid things.

And Muriel keeps finding things in the bookshop.

Dark Roast Espresso At The Purgatory Cafe -- The Supreme Archangel's swamped with paperwork and droning meetings.

And then, suddenly, he's in a grimy caff, across the table from the demon who walked away.

It's neither Heaven, nor Hell, nor Earth as they know it. But it's a place they can talk. And they need to.

Don't Look Back -- Hell has something the Supreme Archangel wants, if he has what it takes to retrieve it.

“You promised,” said Aziraphale.

Shax didn’t command the iron throne the way Beelzebub had. She was too conscious of occupying it, like a just-engaged girl gesturing with her newly beringed hand. Not asking you to look, but looky, looky, look.

It was an odd thing to be thinking about with Crowley chained on his knees between them.

Have you got a favorite post-s2 fic, your own or another's? Drop a link!

Bonus: @curiouspupsicle, that curator of delicious fic lists at @curiouspupsiclelibrary, has started their own Throwback, tossing out a challenge to fic writers to reflect on and share their early fic. Go check it out!

Tagging in the replies as is my wont; let me know if you want your name added or removed!

Revival -- rated E, ~3,300 words

God and Satan are neutralized. The march of destruction has stopped. Now there’s only a universe to restore – if they can suss out how.

And there’s still unfinished business between them.

The thoughtful expression hadn’t left him, and that endearing little frown appeared between his pale brows His hands were doing that thing, too, the one where they got into a little bit of a wrestling match. “Crowley, before we try, in case – in case it takes too much of – um – will you do it again? You know, when you – before I went back up to Heaven, and you said we could be an Us, and – ‘ “Ngk. That – ah – that was wrong of me, angel.” “No, it wasn’t.”

Read On AO3

And then you have to consider where the two intimacies intertwine, the physical and emotional with the fame. They had to learn to read each other's bodies both for acting purposes and for being conscientious of each other's comfort and needs during filming. So now, not only is he the only one experiencing fame with me, but he's the only one out of everyone around me who can read what I need and what I'm feeling without me having to say anything, without me having to ask. Maybe he can see on my face when its been too long since I've been silly and breaks the tension in the small talk that's been going on for far too long. Or maybe he can see in the twitch of my hand when I'm overwhelmed and need to be led by the hand to the bathroom where we can have a moment of quiet alone together. I can't blame them for falling into a little codependency because it must feel so good to be in these high pressure, high anxiety, fast-paced situations surrounded by people and have someone who can look at you from across the room or hear the tone in your voice and know what you need or how you're feeling. Especially without having to explain yourself because it feels like lately that's all you're doing, explaining yourself and trying not to be misunderstood. But he understands.

Your vote is so important. I know it seems hopeless in some places. I know it feels like your vote won't matter (my area is highly conservative and it sucks!) but please, please, please GO AND VOTE.

Whether it's voting for the party you want or voting tactically, do it! Every vote counts.

(Edit: And remember to bring a photo ID!)

Good Omens Season 3 is in safe hands, namely those of Rachel Talalay. 

The upcoming ninety-minute made-for-television movie marks the end of this beloved fantasy book adaptation. 

Led by David Tennant as Crowley and Michael Sheen as Aziraphale, the series finale follows the angel and the former demon as they prepare for the Second Coming. 

I recently had the opportunity to speak with the director and executive producer of Good Omens Season 3, Rachel Talalay, about the finale. 

With an impressive directorial roster that includes shows like Doctor Who, Talalay was the perfect choice for directing the series finale.

She had previously been contacted to direct Season One, but had to pass at the time. However, even before then, she has been a lifelong fan. 

“I read the book and been completely taken by the book. So, I’m a hardcore fan from the very beginning,” she said. 

In addition to her love for the source material, Talalay also credited her adoration of “British offbeat humor” for her feeling drawn to the project. 

She importantly mentioned being drawn to the “love story” between Crowley and Aziraphale, as well as to the “universality of the angel-devil” dynamic, which she also attributes to why the show is the source of so much fanfiction. 

Given that the Good Omens universe literally spans from Heaven to Hell, Talalay thoughtfully considered the scale of the series finale. 

“We fought quite hard to make sure that there was the opening that was outside the rest of the story,” she said. “Having had to compress it into a shorter period of time, we still felt it was really important to open up that world.” 

Squeezing an entire season into ninety minutes still required some sacrifices.

According to Talalay, most of the “tangential” storylines and characters unfortunately ended up on the chopping block. 

“There’s a whole storyline that came out when it got condensed,” she clarified. “And some of it was people weren’t available, and so we couldn’t do them anyway.” 

Luckily, most of the original Good Omens production crew returned for Season 3, and Talalay cited their support in getting the ending right. 

While the finale operates on such a large scale, she never lost sight of the essential question: “You always come down to, what is the story about?” 

Her answer to that question is Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship, or, as she referred to, “Aziracrow.” 

I loved how enthusiastic Talalay was to talk about the two beloved characters.

She dove into the process of crafting their arc, particularly how she felt the “safest” with the Aziraphale-Crowley storyline thanks to Tennant and Sheen. 

Talalay gave the actors credit for helping the show be as strong as possible, even during the rehearsal process.

“They are the keepers of their characters and the storyline,” she said. “They were very specific about how to mold each scene so that the growth and the trajectory of the storyline were as strong as possible.” 

After going over scenes on their own first, Tennant and Sheen frequently came in and offered their input. 

Talalay added, “They would come in and say, ‘Can I change this? What about this?’ And we would massage it even further.” 

She also pointed to their “incredible ability” to portray subtle shifts in emotion, as they deliver memorable performances that drive the storytelling home. 

An important priority for Talalay was balancing humor and heartfelt emotion in Good Omens Season 3.  

“It’s such a specific humor, but there’s no guide to that. You just have to go with your instincts, your understanding, and what you like, and then what you feel has worked for the show,” she said. 

Talalay has many fond memories of working on the Good Omens series finale, but one of her favorites is the ice cream truck moment. 

In the scene, Crowley is holding two ice cream cones. Talalay recalled Tennant asking, “Do I do a Crowley thing where I just chuck them?” to which she answered, “That feels right.” 

On the first try, Tennant threw the ice cream cones into the air, but the camera caught only one landing.

The other one? Well, Talalay heard Tennant scream before she saw where it landed. 

Chuckling, she recalled, “The ice cream had come out and hit him smack in the back!” 

By the end of the interview, I was more than certain that there’s nobody I’d rather have directed the finale than Talalay. 

Hey! Just a reminder! AO3 does NOT have an app. This garbage was made by theives who steal fan artist’s work and sell it back to you.

“Oh, but it’s free!” There are ads. They are making money off of this. They are stealing from the creators you love and you are hurting those same creators if you use this app or any similar app.