Dae-15

I’m not even sad anymore, because I’ve fully convinced my brain to not view S2 or S3 as canon and just go with the ((ACTUALLY CANON)) book & S1 ending.

But I am angry. I’m angry that they tried to convince us that this was an in-character, narratively coherent, happy ending. I’m angry that they made Aziracrow’s love story and romance more ambiguous than season 2 or even season 1. I’m angry that they hurt so many of you, my fellow fans, who have poured so much love and time into this series and these characters for years.

In less than a week, I am graduating with a degree in screenwriting with a minor in creative writing. I know story structure and rules. A story that has a plot that goes nowhere (Jesus plot), poor pacing (smushing 6 episodes into 90 minutes rather than adjusting for the form), and inconsistent lore (if the book of life burned and Whickber street was all that remained, why did Aziraphale, Crowley, and Satan still exist) (just to name a few things), it is not well written, which is what I mean when I say bad.

... Meaning, I'm pretty sure Neil Gaiman did it ON PURPOSE, knowing how much it would upset the fans.

Neil knew how badly we wanted Aziraphale and Crowley (OUR version of Aziraphale and Crowley---the specific version of them we met in Season 1) to be together. He knew we wanted to see them resolve their issues and ultimately choose to be with each other in the end.

Instead, Aziraphale and Crowley forgo that emotional journey in favor of unnecessary pain. Neither of them experience real character growth in the finale; they are shown to be the worst and unhappiest versions of themselves, without getting a real shot at redemption. They never fix their communication issues. They don't express their true, authentic feelings for one another (don't @ me with that bullshit hand kiss thing). They never manage to get on the same page emotionally---even when they both agree to commit suicide (which I'm pretty sure was not the "one thing" Aziraphale wanted).

"Why give me Crowley? Why make me complete and then take it away?"

EMOTIONAL WITHHOLDING is a common abuse tactic utilized by men like Neil. They enjoy creating ATTACHMENT in their victims and then "TAKING IT AWAY".

It's easy to see how much Neil enjoyed frustrating his fans in retrospect. He actively taunted us on social media with the catchphrase "WAIT AND SEE" and threatened to make Aziraphale and Crowley kiss---but in a way we "wouldn't like". He loved dangling the implied promise of a happy ending over our heads, which we now know he never planned to deliver on.

Neil was unkind to his audience. He was also unkind to his characters. Aziraphale and Crowley are treated as punching bags throughout the entire series---shown to be "messy" for the sake of entertainment, but not as a real obstacle for either of them to overcome. God herself says she enjoys seeing how much Aziraphale values his relationship with Crowley. And this turns out to be her justification for "taking it away". (Tell me THAT isn't some fucked up shit.) Aziraphale and Crowley experience real emotional pain as the result of her actions---and this is demonstrated by the incredible acting of Michael Sheen and David Tennant.

Neil explicitly sold this as "a love story" when he created the show. Based on the tone of the book, an eventual union between Aziraphale and Crowley would have made the most narrative sense. It would have emphasized the overarching themes of love, agency, and the futility of "choosing sides". But that would have required Neil to possess the same ethos as Terry Pratchett---meaning LOVE AND RESPECT FOR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS.

We were never going to get a good love story out of Neil. Men like Neil get off on "PUNISHING" people for no apparent reason; he obviously did this with our beloved characters, to disastrous result. Nonetheless, we still manage to ascribe deeper meaning to Aziraphale and Crowley, thanks to the phenomenal acting team and the dedication of this fandom. Aziraphale and Crowley remain the greatest love story of all time, not because of anything Neil actually wrote, but because of everything that was projected onto them by the people who cared. We assigned their relationship a depth "Neil himself" never could have imagined---one that exemplifies our maximalist ideals of love and the decision to choose it again and again, in spite of everything. It is never going to "end" on Neil's preferred terms. In this rare instance, fan interpretation STILL MANAGES TO ECLIPSE THE SOURCE MATERIAL---and that is because LOVE is always a more powerful story than ABUSE.

I think it's the opposite, actually.

Yes, Aziraphale is an angel, he loves, that’s what he does. But he’s not supposed to love a demon. Because of what he is, of who he is, he struggled with his feelings for Crowley for millennia. And yet, each time they met, he made the choice to speak with him, to protect him, to stay, to bond - to love.

In a universe in which angels and demons are supposed to be hereditary enemies, an angel chose a demon, over and over again (with a few notable exceptions, but we all know why - and he still loved him).

Messy? Oh, yes.

Silly? How can such a relationship, built on trust and affection, be silly?

so 6000 years of queer defiance, quite literally in the face of god, now never existed. erasure has never been more literal. crowley and aziraphale didn’t just die, they never existed. their love story never existed. death you can grieve, you can commemorate what was lost; love transcends death. at the very least, they deserved that.

where was that love story, by the way? where was the romance? legitimately i felt more love between them during the final 15 than in the entirety of that 90 minutes. at least then it felt like they mattered to each other. fuck.

and aziraphale still works for the metatron?? are you fucking kidding me??? that is a wild message to be sending. even in some idealized world where they fall in love with free will, aziraphale still cannot escape the one that kept them apart. queer love still has to be allowed and endorsed and encouraged by the oppressor. fuck you actually.