Born to be Brave

What do you do when your comfort no longer comforts?

As some of you know, over the last 6 months I have been battling the sudden onset of a new chronic illness. In the space of a month and change I was suddenly newly disabled, being gaslit by doctors, and slowly losing the ability to eat. As if this wasn’t distressing enough, this all was playing out over the backdrop over the holidays and anniversaries of the death of my mother and grandmother.

Worst of all? I found the things I usually do for comfort (cycling, traveling, writing, and engaging in crafts with friends) suddenly off limits. As my life turned into my own personal hell in late 2025, the world outside got bleaker and bleaker. I found myself growing more and more numb, unable to cope or escape in the ways I usually did. My friends started complaining their comfort books weren’t comforting the way they were used to. They were turning to cozier and cozier pieces of media and lashing out when those books weren’t what they were looking for.

The whole situation reminded me vividly of the problem many of us found ourselves with in March and April of 2020: Many of us lost or had to alter our coping mechanisms because of the pandemic. 

(Yes, yes, I know, don’t remind you.)

The pandemic’s effect on mental health was well documented and doesn’t need additional commentary by a little sapphic author. However, as someone who has recently found themself turning to old comforts to get through these trying personal and political times–and has found themselves struggling to find comfort in these once-comforting items– I thought I might share some thoughts on what I’ve been doing to get through.

(And yes, there may be some lessons from the pandemic thrown in there, too.)

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Step 1: Realize Comfort Is Transitory

We turn to our comfort medias, items, and tasks because we find regulation in media. We sink into models of the life we want, not the ones we have, but perhaps most importantly, we know what’s coming. There are no surprises in a piece of media you’ve already consumed and found comfort in. Our bodies and brains relax into the routine and muscle memory, etc. This is especially important for folks who are neurodivergent, who often need routine to thrive (whether we like to admit it or not).

However, the problem with life is that it isn’t routine.

Have you ever had an experience where you’ve spoken to someone further along in their life journey, and therefore trivializes your stressors while upselling theirs? Yeah, it’s like that. As we move through our non-routine lives, we react to different stimuli and stressors. Things that made you want to tear your hair out in high school make you go “oh, you sweet summer child” in adulthood. Things that stressed us out in 2016 seem banal to us in 2026.

So how does that apply to suddenly losing the ability to find comfort in your old favorite media piece?

Well, think of it this way: The human body has a million different enzymes and chemicals it releases in reaction to the different things it encounters every day. Enzyme A is meant to signal Cell A to attack Intruder A. Why? Because Cell A is specifically meant to be effective against Intruder A. So when you have been minding you own business and living your regular life, is it really fair to think the media that comforted you during your normal everyday life or when you were going through a break up can suddenly go toe to toe against a global pandemic or life-altering event?

No.

My ability to consume media took a nosedive after I got sick in October 2025.

Step 2: Realize Comfort Items Are Transitory, But Themes Are Not

Yeah, great, Ty, what does that mean? It means that while Comfort Media A might not be comforting anymore, there’s a reason why you liked it. Why it brought you comfort. 

Here’s some examples from my life. 

Example 1: Two of my favorite comfort medias, Pacific Rim and Mad Max: Fury Road, are both set in post-apocalyptic settings. It turns out, though, that when the world around you feels like an apocalypse (i.e. a global pandemic), you no longer find comfort in media set at or near the end of the world. Surprise, surprise, right?

However, both Pacific Rim and Mad Max: Fury Road both have themes where a “band of misfits” come together to save the world. There is cool technology, worldbuilding ripe for expansion, opportunity for deep character exploration, etc. I also love the fight and action scenes and the open, Happy For Now (instead of Happily Ever After) endings.

Step 3: Search and Apply Comfort Themes 

Once you identify why you liked Comfort A, and you identify why Comfort A no longer comforts like it should, you can then apply that to finding Comfort B (and C, and D, and E, and…) 

Ask yourself the following. For Comfort B, do I want something:

Almost Exactly The Same (Same Themes, Nearly Identical Execution)

Find canon compliant fanfic, podfic, or fanmixes for Comfort A

Check out comp titles for Comfort A

Find a new hobby or task that stimulates the exact same part of brain as Comfort A

Like knitting? Try crochet or needlepoint.

Find a new activity that moves your body in the same way as Comfort A

Like jump rope? Try trampoline.

Similar But Different (Same Themes, Similar Execution)

Read canon divergent fiction (universe alternation instead of alternative universe) for Comfort A

“What If” fics

Check out comp titles for Comfort A (but in an adjacent genre)

Cozy fantasy or romantasy instead of fantasy, 

Find a new hobby or task that stimulates a similar part of the brain as Comfort A

Like crosswords? Try Wordle

Find a new activity that moves your body similarly to Comfort A

Like running? Try soccer.

Similar But Completely Different (Same Themes, Completely Different Execution)

Read or engage with alternative universe fanfic, podfic, fanmixes, etc

Coffee shop AUs, etc

Find new media with similar themes (found family, etc) but in a completely different genre 

Noir or epic fantasy instead of romantasy

Find a new hobby or task that stimulates a similar part of the brain as Comfort A 

Like Wordle or crosswords? Try Sudoku.

Find a new activity that moves your body in similar as Comfort A

Like flag football? Try ultimate frisbee.

Completely Different (New Themes, Completely Different Execution)

Engage in a new fandom

Read crossover fanfiction or engage in fanmake for series you’ve only consumed passively on social media or at conventions

Engage in a brand new genre

Only read sci-fi? Pick up a historical mystery.

Read a lot of fiction? Pick up some nonfiction.

Pick up a brand new hobby.

Like sewing? Try singing or playing an instrument. 

Move your body in a brand new way

Running? Try tai chi or yoga.

Take It Back Now, Y’all (Return To Old Hyperfixations/The Nostalgia Hit)

Reread old fanfics, watch old AMVs, and go find the fan content created by old fandoms

Engage in your favorite childhood, teenager, etc media

Pick up old hobbies gathering dust

Try moving your body in a way you used you love (older joints and current chronic illnesses allowing, of course)

Example 1: I finally determined I wanted something Similar But Completely Different/Completely different to Pacific Rim and Mad Max: Fury Road. I also, eventually, sunk back into old hyperfixations. 

Overall I changed my hobby habits for several months–I watched a lot of TV, which I don’t normally do. (Despite Pacific Rim and Mad Max: Fury Road being two of my favorite comfort medias, I’m not a screen person and rarely watch TV or movies). I also developed a new hyperfixation/fandom (space shuttle!) and fell back into an old one (The Legend of Korra).

Similar But Completely Different (Same Themes, Completely Different Execution)

I mainlined My Hero Academia, Fire Force, and Yowamushi Pedal

Completely Different (New Themes, Completely Different Execution)

I got into The West Wing based on a recommendation from a friend

Watched the entirety of The Repair Shop on Netflix

 I read everything from my library on the space shuttle and NASA’s human spaceflight program. Listened to a bunch of podcasts, too!

Take It Back Now, Y’all (Return To Old Hyperfixations/The Nostalgia Hit)

I got really into The Legend of Korra again and wrote 300,000+ words of Kyalin fanfic in approx. six months

I rewatched Yakitate Japan, and from there watched Food Wars and a bunch of cooking shows on YouTube and Netflix (Tasting History with Max Miller, etc)

Once it was declared safe to go outside again, every evening I walked 5+ miles around my neighborhood playing Pokemon Go and listening to audiobooks/podcasts.

In late 2025, I tracked my health and did a ton of research. It was comforting because I was able to put words to my experiences, find others who were going through what I was, and I was able to start to piece together a picture of what I might expect.

Example 2: My chronic illness physically took away my ability to engage in many of my hobbies that helped me regulate, including cooking, reading physical media, and going on walks/going to the gym. I needed to find new ways to escape and to build routine.

As stated above, I’m not a TV or movie person. I was also really struggling with anything physical or mentally taxing. Standing for more than five minutes at a time was challenging. Even audiobooks and TikTok were too challenging for my brain. Writing, my main form of regulation in 2025, was out of the question. I also didn’t have access to streaming services. What was a butch to do?

Answer: Research my suspected new chronic illness, watch a lot of YouTube shows, and not much else. As I started to get a little better, I was able to listen to more audiobooks and work on my novel in fits and spurts, but I still very much watched a lot of YouTube shows.

Almost Exactly The Same (Same Themes, Nearly Identical Execution)

Oceanliner Designs (one of my hyperfixations is the Titanic and old ocean liners) 

Similar But Different (Same Themes, Similar Execution)

Watching Outdoor Boys, Metal Detecting WWII Battlegrounds, and Time Team, all very soothing shows

I run the Gail Carriger Fan Server Book Club, and a lot of the books we ended up reading during that time period were Similar But Different to books she has written, which was nice

Similar But Completely Different (Same Themes, Completely Different Execution)

Started reading contemporary paranormal romance 

Started reading more “cozy” and less hardcore fantasy/sci-fi (but still with themes of found family, etc)

Completely Different (New Themes, Completely Different Execution)

Researching WTF was wrong with me

When in doubt, PubMed!

And Nature and Research Gate and and…

I started writing blog posts, because that was what my brain could write!

Take It Back Now, Y’all (Return To Old Hyperfixations/The Nostalgia Hit)

I rewatched Agatha All Along

I relistened to several comfort books from my childhood 

As I was able to handle audiobooks and mental stimulation again, I listened to several books on WW2 (a special interest)

Trainer Ty wants to battle!

Step 4: Profit?

It was strange–and frankly a bit distressing– to try and find new comforts while it felt like the world was on fire. It felt a bit like throwing spaghetti at the wall both in 2020 at the beginning of pandemic lockdowns and in 2025 when my health was disintegrating. It was easier in 2020 to find things that filled the void, and harder in 2025 when I was much more limited in what I could and couldn’t do physically and mentally.

However, once I found those items, I was able to find regulation and comfort. A relief for everyone!

In Summary:

Comfort Is Transitory. It’s Okay If Something Stops Comforting You

Identify Why Your Thing Comforts You (And Why It’s Giving You Troubles Now)

Try Something Almost Identical

Try Something Similar But Different

Try Something Old

Try Something New

The most important thing is to go in with an open mind and try not to feel upset or ashamed if something doesn’t work out. People try hobbies all the time and decide it is not for them! Why should comfort media be any different?

Good luck!

There are many scripts online you can follow, many ways to tweak your message to fit your senator (ESPECIALLY if they are up for reelection this year). Whether it's a recording you reach or a real person, be straightforward, don't argue, just let your rep know that you are a constituent and you oppose the KIDS act, etc.

The interesting thing to me about the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy (and there is only a trilogy, no other movies, don't at me) always was when these movies are set.

Because these movies are set in around 1740. Which notably is AFTER the end of the "Golden Age of Piracy". The Golden Age of Piracy lasted from about 1650 to 1730. It was a period defined by how a bunch of political and economic factors made piracy a very valid career, for the lack of a better word.

And of course this should come with the asterisk that obviously historical real piracy was mostly acts committed in service of a crown mostly to harm the imperial rivals, and not the big adventure story. But part of the reason that people do love pirates so much is in the end also based in how pirate society in some strange ways was ahead of its time. Pirates had health insurance, retirement funds, gay marriage, democracy, and more. Sure, at times for weird complex societal reasons, but it makes pirates this perfect fantasy. People living outside the oppressive society of their time, on the high seas, which feels adventurous.

And the thing about the Pirates movies that fascinates me so much is how they do interact with this. And how the characters in it relate to it. Because it is something the movies are aware of. Jack Sparrow is more than once called a "dying breed". Because he stands in for all the best and worst aspects of piracy. He is an idealist, but also a selfish asshole. Will is someone trying to proof his worth to polite society, but starts to understand that polite society will never see him as more than a lower class person. While Elizabeth is quite aware that to society she never will be anything but a woman, none of her other traits being acknowledged. And Barbossa as someone who has decided he should just get to do what he wants, because others do as well.

And there is this haunting of colonialism in the background. This is made so clear in Dead Man's Chest and World's End. Cutler Beckett is a personification of the British Empire. Doing horrible things but whenever someone makes him realize how horrible it is, he will just say: "Well, it is good business."

"If something immediately makes me feel anger, repulsion, or joy, with even a simple blurb, it's probably manipulating me."

First off, Newsweek is hardly an unbiased source these days. The majority shareholder is Dev Pagrad, is exceptionally wealthy, and has been repeatedly pushing newsweek to be an arm of the right wing's propaganda machine. It is HARD LINE far-right, Anti-trans, anti-woman, anti-immigrant, anti-science To cite the Southern Poverty Law Center (by way of Wikipedia)

In November 2022, the Southern Poverty Law Center reported that Newsweek had "taken a marked radical right turn by buoying extremists and promoting authoritarian leaders" since it hired conservative political activist Josh Hammer as editor-at-large. It noted the magazine's elevation of conspiracy theorists, publication of conspiracy theories about COVID-19, views such as support for a ban on all legal immigration to the United States and denying adults access to trans-affirming medical care, and failure to disclose potential conflicts of interest in the content published on Hammer's opinion section and podcast. https://web.archive.org/web/20221106005834/https://www.splcenter.org/hatewatch/2022/11/04/newsweek-embraces-anti-democracy-hard-right

Newsweek, when even linking to the study it cites, doesn't... actually link to the study. It just links to newsweek's "study" tab. It does MENTION the study, which allowed me to track it down. https://www.ipsos.com/en-uk/almost-third-gen-z-men-globally-agree-wife-should-obey-her-husband IPSOS is a MARKETING FIRM, whose CEO Jean Laurent Poitou, was the former head of Accenture, under whose leadership, sure did a lot of fraud, engaging in tax avoidance, and other such conservative-leaning behaviors, and who generally is affiliated with the traditional right. Let's add another one. The group "Global Institute for Women’s Leadership at King’s Business School, King’s College London" just so happens to be at the school that the Current CEO of newsweek is not just an alum of, but is a major contributor to the funding for. It's always weird when something extremely polarizing comes from, a group that's directly funded by the CEO or owner of the conservative newspaper that's publishing it, as well as from research done by a Marketing firm in the pockets of wealthy conservatives! Funny how that always seems to happen! But if we actually look at IPSOS's study, you'll see that a lot of the numbers have been gently massaged and their methodology is EXTREMELY opaque. After all, they're not a scientific institution. They're a MARKETING FIRM. The biggest conclusion if you read their own paper, is ACTUALLY, that MOST PEOPLE seem to hold progressive views on women's autonomy, but think that THEIR COUNTRY still majority holds draconian views on women's autonomy. Things their own study says:

A Majority of Gen Z believes that women shouldn't "always obey" their husbands.

A Majority of Gen Z has concerns that their society holds draconian beliefs about women.

What the results of the SPIN on this facts, as well as how many in the comments are reacting, is actually perpetuating the Traditional Right's views on Gender and Marriage. I need you to understand that it actively benefits the traditional right when you lean into gender essentialism and believe that Men Are Evil. That Men Are Monsters. It makes the default assumption of men be that they will always be predators, meaning that when they DO do something predator, nobody's surprised; well that's just how men are; when he finds the RIGHT woman who can Tame Him, then he'll behave; that's the duty of a woman after all; to put up with men abusing her until she finds one who is the Right One, who she can handle. What this article ALSO does, is scare progressive women, scares queerfolk, scares young folk, and makes conservatives feel emboldened and empowered. You need to ALWAYS, ALWAYS, remind yourself: "If something immediately makes me feel anger, repulsion, or Joy, with even a simple blurb, it's probably manipulating me." And more than that, you need to remember the follow up:

This is because there are two parts to memories - their encoding and their recall. The encoding determines their availability, their recall determines their accessibility. The reason why trauma memory and childhood amnesia are different is in this distinction. Trauma memory is often encoded differently, bypassing to the limbic system where it is stored as intrinsic memory. It can’t be recalled because it was never encoded. Childhood amnesia, however, seems to indicate that the memories are encoded, but we lose access to them as we age. This is most likely due to the development of brain structures that fundamentally change our encoding and recall of memory as we get older.