This Tumblr post is the first time someone has explained to me *why* I couldn’t feed them before those instances.

every single time i have had to say, "i understand that if he had food or water, he could aspirate it into his lungs under anesthesia. i am not lying to you." THEN someone would make a little note and i would stop being repeatedly asked.

not a single time was that risk explained to me. the only reason it came up was because i already knew. i still don't understand why it isn't standard pre-op counseling or pre-op check information, when me as a parent acknowledging the actual risk also put THE MEDICAL STAFF at ease because i conveyed that i had informed understanding as reason to not lie about giving my kid food.

One example was "Don't put pressure on the midline incision." When I asked why, because compression underwear makes things ever so much more comfortable and prevents the staples from being under nearly as much stress, the doc had to pause and think for a moment. In the end they concluded that "pressure" meant sleeping on my stomach, leaning over the wash tub edge, that kind of thing, and not light compression underwear or garments. Why? Because those are keeping things together, not forcing them apart like the more extreme levels of pressure would do.

and in the one hand, did i enjoy spending hours researching housing regulations in my state? not especially. drafting this email was stressful. but on the other hand, did i learn a lot by doing that research? yeah, i did. i’m more prepared for my current and future leases. i used some of that info to make decisions about a new renter’s insurance policy. i already told three different people about things i learned that are relevant to their leases that they didn’t know yet. (pro tip: see if you’re supposed to be getting annual interest payments on your security deposit! also look up what specific appliances your landlords must legally provide as of 2026.) i also got to reconnect with my cousin for a bit because her job gave her specific insight on part of the situation, and i’d much rather do that than have a chatbot make shit up for me.

also, i drafted that email with the power of friendship (friends angry on our behalf) and spite (from landlords telling me not to do my research). chatgpt could never.

Jun Kumaori (Junkuma)

"chasing its tail too much"

A quick "such to clarify, are you saying / implying ___?" prevents you from lashing out at someone for saying something they're not actually saying.

This isn't such an uncommon mistake, as many of us are wrapped up in our own thoughts and can get more carried away with listening to our inner voice rather than what is actually being said by our conversational partner.

Say for example, you're at work, and you're upset that you just had to deal with a really rude and hostile customer. When talking to your co-worker about it, they make a comment such as "too many people are just not taught how to treat customer service workers", which you take as them defending the customer and their behavior. Before you start lashing out at your co-worker for your assumption that they're trying to defend the actions of this rude customer, double check that that's actually their intention.

Or say you're on shift with a co-worker who usually works shorter shifts than you due to being part time, but today they're staying as long as you to help out after someone called in sick, or a particularly busy day. If they comment "wow, I haven't had a shift this long in a while", before you start chastising them for being a wimp who can't handle long shifts like you, are they actually complaining or saying they can't handle it? Or are they simply voicing an observation about how long they've been there?

Or say your friend comments "I think I might have x disorder", before you start scolding your friend on how allergic you are to self diagnosers, are they actually self diagnosing? Or are they simply voicing a suspicion about themselves that they might be interested in checking out with a doctor?

It's best to avoid because few things in a conversation are more frustrating than a conversational partner suddenly scolding you and lashing out at you over something you weren't even thinking or saying. It's a good way to sour a relationship, as well as our own reputations as someone rational or reasonable.