st amBROse the couch surfer @saint-ambrosef - Tumblr Blog

anything u think about YOUR life after 10pm is bs to be ignored. anything u think about a character’s life after 10pm should be posted about online and expanded on for paragraphs. :)

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awesomebutunpractical

As one of eight kids, I don't think I can describe just how it comes across when you play the shocked-and-judgemental "she had HOW many kids??" card. There's this weird calculation to it that I don't think anyone intends, but reads emotionally as an intrinsic threat. Like, okay, hi I'm number five. Am I too many? Do you want me to Not Exist?

#this truly drives me nuts #you are allowed to have opinions on amount of kids you think is appropriate but KEEP IT TO YOURSELF #also hate the ''do they know what birth control is'' comments they are so gross

myfootyrthroat

Someone will say "as a queer person in the heart of empire, my life is in danger every day" and you'll find out they're a developer for Amazon and live in San Francisco or Seattle or some shit, and then you'll meet a trans girl from Alva, OK who's like "Yeah, things are pretty good. AutoZone moved me to full-time."

Lord save me from people who think owning pets is on the same level as raising kids

capacity2

I was like 50 minutes late to work bc I overslept and didn’t brush my teeth so I grabbed my toothpaste and brush and came with it to do that here and midway my toothbrush flies out of my hand and into the toilet…… now Satan thought he got me he really did. Until I brought out the brand new 4 pack of toothbrushes I packed in advance the week before see bitches think I’m stupid. Whole time I’m 5 steps ahead. I didn’t even need to pray to god for blessings. I got me

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iwilleatyourenglish

Do you not see why people believe astrology tho??

so i'm a custodian.

whenever someone does something cool like shit on the bathroom floor or get blood all over a toilet, i have to close the bathroom down by blocking the doorway with a CLOSED sign.

this sign is big and bright. it says CLOSED in four languages and has a do not enter symbol. it completely blocks the doorway. the only way to enter is to look directly at the sign and either move it or climb over it.

almost every single time i shut down a bathroom so i can suit up and clean a biohazard, someone will enter the bathroom with a dead-eyed, slack-jawed expression and try to wordlessly walk past me to use a stall.

and every single time, i have to block their path and say, "this bathroom is closed. there is one directly down the hall, marked by signs. please leave," and they either try to argue that THEY specifically should be allowed to use this one, as if they are god's most special little guy, or express shock even though they, again, had to contend with the CLOSED sign to enter.

often, i am standing there in the middle of cleaning up bodily fluids having to firmly repeat myself. they always leave angry or confused.

anyways, you clicked this button to send me an ask about astrology:

pansyfemme

there are songs i hear and go “man there is no way anyone actually listens to this” and then you hear it on the radio 300 times a day and the album is nominated for a grammy and there are fans who spend every dollar they have on merch and concert tickets to sold out stadiums of people who all love that song. and you wonder if maybe you’re the one who’s wrong but then you hear it again and decide that nope, you’re right and everyone else has lost their minds

anglaised

what do you mean you dont want to buy my $55 dollar unsanded unpainted 3d printed dragon or my $102 resin triangle with sparkles and dungeons and dragons dice in it i worked really hard to make sure these end up in a landfill in exactly 6 months if u dont buy it now ill have to take it to the dump today

sonny-kiddo

some notable catchphrases of 2013:

bitch I might be

do she got the booty ? she doooooooooo !

swiggity swag

the D

wen u mom com home and make hte spagehti

“ hello______, im dad “

AYYY LMAO

W R I T I N G I N T E N S E W O R D S L I K E T H I S

perfect _____ don’t exis-

And now, the weather

at least 2 potato

we’ve come full circle !

life hack :

[ __________ INTENSIFIES]

so many

such doge. much wow. very smile.

mahogany

*sweats nervously*

same.

spooper hot choclety milk

#SHERLOCKLIVES

pixelartpeach

#now imagine all of these in the context of superwholock #anyways do i get a senior citizen discount for witnessing all of these

tothechaos

hate when people say something along the lines of "we must get along so well because you are/i am [some astrological sign]" to me. what are you fucking talking about. we get along because im fucking nice. a decision which i regret when you say shit like that

tothechaos

this post is a good rent lowering gunshot. in case anyone needs one of those

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crimsolyn

I think the purest form of love is just wanting someone to notice life with you. "taste this. look at that. hear this song." again and again. until you can't imagine noticing life without them.

#i cannot lie i love being married #permanent partner in life for things like this

sawed-on-shotgun

unfortunate truth of reality is that oftentimes 15 year olds will say/do/believe some stupid bullshit because they are 15 but telling them that they believe that because they are 15 is probably the most counterproductive thing in the entire universe

lycanthology

wish ppl understood the power nowadays in not giving something attention. things today are so focused on attention and reaction and #memes that the best way to shut literally anything down is simply not give it exactly what it wants. like you arent going to own that bigot on twitter youre going to boost their original message whether thats your intent or not and you arent just playing with ai for shits and giggles you are giving it free learning and data. just stop engaging with things that dont deserve it

civil-defense-system

having faith is all fun and games until you have to have faith

deceasedcardinal

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dredsina

Ive said this before but swear the biggest skill to learn as an adult is how to resist high-pressure sales tactics. You do NOT have to answer questions with anything other than "Sorry I'm not interested." No matter how nice they are or no matter how many follow up questions they ask or even how agitated they get when you stand your ground. Just keep saying I'm not interested. Don't answer their questions. Don't give them an opening to try to push back on your reasons. Be a fucking brick wall of I'm not interested.

sweaterkittensahoy

When we bought our car, I told Sean to let me handle it. I walked in and said "We have X for a down payment and cannot pay more than Y in monthly payments." My Y number had some leeway, but I didn't mention that.

First thing the sales guy did after I laid down the rules was turn to Sean and go, "What's your number?" And Sean said. "Oh, no, you negotiate with Gayle."

So, strike one for the sales guy. Could not divide and conquer us by implying THE MAN would not surprised at what I laid down.

Sales guy then had to confer with his manager and left us at his desk for several minutes. I have a vague recollection (this was 16 years ago) of Sean and I amusing ourselves doing bits about the other people there to look at cars. I am sure we did not give off the stressed or nervous energy they were hoping for.

Guy comes back. His first offer is fifty dollars a month more than I told him we could pay. I looked at him and said "I gave you our upper limit."

"Well, but what's another 50 bucks a month?"

"Something I can't afford."

He didn't know what to do with my open and unashamed admittal that I had a budget because my money was finite.

He went back to talk to the manager again.

It took two more rounds of "I told you what I can afford" before he finally came back 20 bucks under what I'd stated as my max.

The trick to resisting high-stress sales tactics is doing the math at home, knowing exactly what you can afford, and then walking into the room and stating that number minus 15%. Then refusing to budge from that number. Never, ever, meet then where they want. Always meet them where you want. Because at the end of the day, you can walk away and go somewhere else and say "I told the people at Z what my terms were, and they refused to work with me. Here are my terms. Meet them, and you make a sale today."

#husband is nicer than me and it took him a bit to learn this with solicitors #i just immediately say ''sorry we are not interested'' and every time they try and ask my a question i just repeat it

clownboybebop

*street shot of zohran mamdani clad in nasty lil suit and hard hat* five months ago i was elected mayor of new york city. in that time, we have managed to COMPLETELY defeat the Staten Island Minotaur at no additional cost to the new york taxpayer

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st amBROse the couch surfer