tell me i'm a good boi

“hi manhattan folx. we are both fresh out of school and looking to split rent 3/4s* with one (1) quiet femme roommate. wed prefer to live with someone who is not greek, cannot practice martial arts and was recently fired from their job.

we are looking for a quiet person because it is a MUST that you do not ever speak to my partner due to his inability to behave normally. if you need trouble him, you will pass messages beneath our bedroom door at precisely 3am on sundays only.

you mightve heard about us from our previous roommate, moon. she will be posting in various local groups saying we sold her ferret on craigslist. please PM me for more details.

we are looking for some who

is not mentally ill

is not disabled

will not be seen or heard

does not have friends

will wash dishes for us

you would be living in a cardboard box in our living room. we have a washing machine and dryer but ask that you do not use it, instead going to the laundromat down the street and matching whatever you paid them to pay us as well.

we are both lawyers but one of us roams the streets at night wearing a mask with horns and performing vigilante justice. you must be able to perform first aid at all hours. (and of course comfy doing this xo.)

people with leopard geckos and capricorns need not apply.