It may never come up in an actual fic but please know that every six months or so, Tin Roof Rusted Shane and his prominent anterior pelvic tilt are having to address rumors of his pregnancy. He's photographed with his hand on his belly because he was smoothing down his shirt or because he sometimes just?? Puts it there?? While he's talking (Moment that papers the walls of my brain: "I have my own well" [Hand on tummy like he's entering his second trimester] Why'd you do that baby? What was that??) and the title of the article is something like Ice Ice Baby!! Boston hockey's omega phenom is sporting some extra padding in these exclusive pics and inside the article someone who is identified only as "A source close to the couple" is quoted as saying, "Shane is really private, so I don't know how much I can say, but he and Ilya are really looking forward to the off-season."
Shane attempts to ignore it until his Aunt Janine, mother of Shane's most annoying cousin and the sister that David only speaks to twice a year at Easter and Christmas, texts him (Shane didn't even know she had his number) to ask if Yuna has any plans for his baby shower.
Shane blocks her number, sends out a Tweet that says something to the effect of My Body Is Just Shaped Like That, and then screams into a pillow.
The next time it happens, Shane almost breaks Kayfabe on his and Ilya's whole deal by posting a picture of Ilya loose-postured at seven in the morning, shirtless and clearly recently fucked, watching the coffee maker whir with beady eyes and scratching his tummy--which curves with the exact same postural tilt that Shane's does.
"He's glowing," says the Tweet. He deletes it ten minutes later. It's screenshot and reposted 130 times before noon.
"I always told you to stop slouching," Yuna says, every time.
