Into the Pitt

"but you know me, i'm lazy, so." "i don't know that side of you at all."

"is that what we are going to do? relax?" "i hope so. i would like to relax with you. for once."

"because you like to be bad." "hey, that's not what this is. you and me. maybe it was at first but, not now, and not for a long time."

to the point where it even usurps other peoples interpretations of ilya before he gets the chance to internalize them -

"but, you hate him." "no. i mean, i get that. but no. i love him."

“shane?” ilya barely manages to ask, but he’s cut off by his own moan when shane unceremoniously pulls down his sweats and gets his mouth on ilya’s dick.

it’s the fastest blowjob in both of their lives — ilya comes pretty quickly, mostly because shane just goes ham on it, sucking his husband off like he knows it’s his last day on earth. ilya is still a bit dazed when shane pulls away, lips slick and glistening, and climbs into ilya’s lap. ilya’s hands loosely rest on shane’s hips, barely latched, since his soul was literally just sucked straight out through his dick. but shane is still trying to grind down on him, his swollen lips kneading and biting up and down ilya’s throat.

“shane, lyubov moya,” ilya tries, gently prying shane’s face away from his neck. “i love this, i love the energy, but can you please say what the fuck is going on?”

shane frowns when he gets pulled away, but ilya can see that his eyes are filled with something close to… fear?

“i read something,” shane whispers, like it’s a horrible secret. “on the internet. they said… ilya, i need you to promise me it’s not true.”

“i don’t even know what,” ilya says, smiling a bit in an attempt to soothe his husband. “if they said you have sexiest husband, sorry, cannot deny.”

“no, ilya.” shane groans, his thighs squeezing tighter around ilya’s hips. “they said… jesus fuck. they said you’d be happy to retire and become my wag.”

ilya’s eyes grow twice as wide, eyebrows shooting up. “what? what kind of idiot said that?”

“i don’t know, just… people.” shane waves a hand around. “they said that you’d be happy to retire right now, stay at home to raise our children — which we don’t even have, by the way — and…” shane gulps. “…and cheer for me at my games.”

ilya can’t help a startled laugh at the image that immediately appears in his mind. it’s absurd, to say the least. he shakes his head.

“not happening,” he says, rubbing slow, firm circles into shane’s hips that he’s still trying to grind into ilya’s lap. “how can i leave you alone on ice, hollander? you will regress to rookie, and mlh will become beer league.”

shane pushes at his chest. he’s not smiling at this as ilya hoped he would be. “exactly. i can’t do this without you, ilya. i’m serious. fuck children. fuck retirement. none of this wag bullshit, okay?”

ilya grins up at him. “wouldn’t dream of it. shane, the only way i’m leaving ice before you is dead.”

we leave s1 in a kind of bittersweet but overall happy bubble. scott hunter is out and gets mostly positive resonance; shane and ilya are in love, even tho there a lot of obstacles in their ways but its all soft and glowy right. it could be so easy, the mhl suddenly becoming that happy queer friendly place, every player is supportive of their teammates, everyone gets their happy ending - so aside from their rivalry narrative, why are shane and Ilya even so worried of coming out? it kind of looks like fairytale doesn't it.

because it is definitely not. hockey is still a wildly homophobic sport, with decades of toxic masculinity, and troy's story shows us exactly that. s2 should definitely show us why it is still such a struggle for athletes, especially shane and ilya, to come out when there are teams that are still so openly and maliciously cultivate homophobia. yes, scott's coming out changed a lot for the better but it's far from good. we see that in the book that even many of his teammates don't come to celebrate with him. we see this later in the metro's abominable reaction to shane. dhowing how bad it still is in the toronto team right in the beginning creates the necessary contrast to the (lovely!) softness of the ending of s1 and shows the reality of the world shane and ilya live in (which is of course still better than our reality due to romance novel rules but yk) and it sets the tone for some relevant struggles ilya and shane face during The Long Game.

also, i really do like troy and I love his redemption arc but without seeing how bad he once was, his story wouldn't hit that hard, ngl. I really hope the long game gets two seasons and at least over the course of the first half, we see troy's and harris story. While Game Changer got it's own episode basically, I think it would work best if Role Model would get weaven into the plot of the second season / first half of tlg. of course shane and Ilya are the main story but I think it would work best showing bit and chunks of troy's character development here and there, how he build his relationship with harris and also his friendship with ilya.

I guess what I’m saying is of course he kissed Kip just out of order at the Stanley Cup. In a small way he’d already been public with Kip the whole time.

Shane talking too much because he realizes that Ilya isn't talking at all and he needs to fill the silence and make sure Ilya knows that Shane isn't holding it against him.

Shane double triple checking that the backup meds are in Ilya's carry-on before they go on a Western Conference road trip. He doesn't nag Ilya about it, but when they get to the airport Ilya starts rifling through everything, thinking he forgot them, when Shane reaches into the front pocket and shows him the orange bottle is right there. Not that they couldn't get them, but Shane wants Ilya to avoid stress as much as possible.

Shane notices that Ilya is able to work fine through his episodes, but that hockey tires him out more. He suggests a quiet day at home with Anya in between home games, saying that he actually needs the downtime. Maybe many couch blowjobs can cure depression.

Ilya goes through the phase where he doesn't want to take his medicine because it's fucking with his libido. He throws one of these at Shane- "Your choice, you can leave me because I can't fuck you or you can leave me because I'm a miserable fuck" and Shane loses it because in his mind nothing, nothing, could make him leave Ilya, this is it for him, and yet Ilya continues to think that one inciting event will result in Shane abandoning him. Shane slams the fridge/oven door/barbell or whatever he's holding back into place and says "If you think I'm such a shallow asshole maybe I should draw up divorce papers for you" and then it becomes this theater of Shane opening his laptop to email their lawyer and Ilya starts crawling on the ground begging for Shane to forgive him and crying and Shane has to reckon with how his reaction made this worse but he's only human too and can only take so much when Ilya starts hurling this stuff at him. Shane apologizes too. Ilya takes his medicine the next day in front of Shane while he shaves in the bathroom mirror.

"I'm not your babysitter, Ilya, you have to want to feel better, this is your life" except Shane does hide all the pills in the house sometimes, putting them in his gym bag and keeping them in the car when things are rough. One day while Ilya is chopping vegetables he realizes that he doesn't really know how to hide all the knives. They have a big set, bought during happy times because they really enjoy cooking together, but now Shane is looking at them like they could be the end of his life.

Shane knowing a depressive state is coming on because Ilya directs all his responses to Anya.

Happy times when Ilya is evened out, so so happy and making everyone laugh and being the captain that Shane knows Ilya wants to be, and feeling guilty that Shane's come to dread the come-down from such a high.

Shane's desperate phone call with Galina of all people when Ilya disappears for like twelve hours in his Porsche. He's white knuckling not calling the police because he knows it'll leak and everyone will know and there's nothing they can do anyway. Galina talks him through it, keeps him calm, and Shane wonders if this is what therapy is like.

The relief Shane feels when Ilya says he thinks this is the right dose of medicine. He can't help but love it when Ilya holds him so tight, like Shane alone tethers him to the Earth. He can't help but love that Ilya needs him so much.