Growing Up Aro

one thing that does often actually genuinely break my heart about aromanticism is that it opens so many ontological pathways to methodologies that would unilaterally improve people's lives but most people can't even be bothered to learn about aromanticism much less apply those lessons to themselves

being aromantic (and being aspec in general) prompts you to unlearn the thought that a romantic relationship is going to fulfill you in a way that nothing else can. to unlearn that your worth is tied to your desirability. to unlearn that your life is defined by love. it prompts you to restructure your relationships. to reevaluate the ways in which the people around you contribute to your life and the ways in which you want to engage with them. it shows you that everything we know about relationships is defined by social constructs that don't need to be heeded. it opens you to a life of such blissful freedom and i feel such a sense of grief for the way that this information never seems to get beyond us

a romantic relationship being the only non-familial relationship where it's seen as fully normal to have regular physical touch with someone is the part of amatonormativity that makes me want to bite and kill and kill and kill

AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT AMATONORMATIVITY. even if you’re an allo person who has a romantic relationship that you center a lot of your life around, even if being romantically fulfilled is one of your biggest goals in life, amatonormativity cheapens that decision! if these things are deeply important to you, don’t you want to have the opportunity to fully choose them for yourself instead of having them just be assumed parts of your life? even if you choose the path amatonormativity pushes onto everyone, the ability to CHOOSE it is important, and if you ask me, makes it more meaningful.

"marriage is the ONLY way to get these protections" "there is NO WAY to hack a legal arrangement to cover everything that marriage grants" "kiddos you don't remember what it was like before we could get married, we finally got rights because we could get married" Okay But You Recognize Why That's Bad, Right. Like that is really, really bad that you have to enter a specific type of relationship to get legal rights. That is A Problem. You recognize that that is Not A Good Thing, Right

recently saw a comment section full of people, primarily women, talking about loving living with their best friend and being sad about having to live separately one day. some people talking about missing living with their best friend, some talking about “getting” to live with their best friend “until” they find partners. saw one person mention that moving out to move in with a partner felt like a divorce. it makes me so genuinely sad… all these people recognizing the joy they can find living outside the norm, letting themself live with a friend instead of a romantic partner, but still feeling like they have to live with a spouse eventually. like it’s not even a decision, just an inevitability.

similarly, it makes me sad when someone shares their happiness from living with a friend with others and the biggest response is people insisting/assuming they must have a secret unrecognized romantic connection. just taking over a moment of joy to insist they’re wrong about their own life and feelings; all to reinforce the lifestyle everyone is already expected to conform to eventually…

ultimately the problem is that it’s always phrased “aro people can still be in romantic relationships” and not “aros in romantic relationships are still aro”. and if you don’t get that then i can’t help you any further

People act like there's an explicit line between friendship and romance like This is how Platonic Friends act and if two people act like That they are a Romantic Couple. Buddy I have crossed the line so far that it's actually surprising to me and it's still friendship

"being aromantic means you never cross The Line" well maybe I'm so aromantic that no matter how far I cross the so called line I will never enter the romance territory. Get on my level.

part of the problem with amatonormativity is that if you aren't interested in a long-term monogamous relationship people assume you will be a miserable empty incomplete shell of a person so you have to insist on your ability to be genuinely fulfilled by things other than marriage/monogamy/romance/etc. but at the same time society is shaped in a way where not being interested in those things can easily make you alienated, between marriage and reproduction being depicted as natural life stages that everyone needs to go through to be a fulfilled adult and it being considered standard to prioritize your romantic relationships over your platonic ones. and if you ever express loneliness or anxiety or guilt over this experience then people take that as proof that you just need to Find The One to make you realize that all your feelings and desires were actually just immaturity/fear of commitment/trauma this whole time and the societal norm IS the only way for you to be truly happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!