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@papercranesandpride
It bothers me when allos try to be aro/ace allies by saying "i experience sexual/romantic attraction but i think friendship is the highest form of relationship!" like to me the point is to dismantle the attraction hierarcy all together and not put platonic attraction at the top
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the thing about "trans guys have it easier" is that when you look into it its really more of a folk myth than anything. people come up with all sorts of stories to explain this "fact." people will tell you that people seen as men are gender-policed much more harshly than people seen as women and every little deviation towards femininity is noticed and punished, and that's why trans guys have it easier. but you'll also hear people tell you that people seen as men have so much more wiggle room, men can be all kinds of sizes and shapes meanwhile people seen as women have to fit into this tiny little box, and that's why trans guys have it easier.
these are two entirely contradictory lines of logic, but they lead to the same conclusion. because the conclusion is the point. its a backformed theory of gender. people believe, for whatever reason, that "trans guys have it easier" is an objective fact, and then storytell an explanation for why that is that sounds right to them. and this isn't necessarily something that's done maliciously, which is key. its not about people twiddling their fingers and thinking about how to contribute to a massive conspiracy against transmascs. its about people just feeling, on a gut level, that trans guys must have it easier, by which they really mean, transmasculine suffering isn't socially visible, and it isn't natural for me to imagine it, therefore it must not exist; yet, trans suffering in general clearly exists, so there must be some reason that transmasculine suffering feels so abstract and immaterial to me and others.
this is why anti-transmasculinity theory is so important. all kinds of people come to this conclusion, and the best explanation for why this strange thing happens and why no one talks about it is anti-transmasculinity & erasure as a social force which people internalize.
also note that both lines of logic above come from trying to use traditional cisfeminist thinking to make sense of transmasculine experiences.
even though the explanations are entirely flipped (one relies on male gender performance being highly policed and that affecting trans people assigned male more than those assigned female, the other relies on female gender performance being highly policed and that affecting trans people transitioning towards femininity more than those transitioning towards masculinity), they are both trying to take the model of "women suffer because they are women and men benefit because they are men" and contort it to explain transmasculine experiences.
this is why these explanations make very little sense when you really look at them. when you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail; when you can only analyze gender through a cissexist lens, everything looks fundamentally cis.
cisfeminism struggles greatly to actually deal with social hatred for androgyny and intersexuality and transness, because you can make feminist arguments and feminist theory that can explain many (though clearly not all) women's experiences without ever questioning the binary.
but you fundamentally cannot do that for trans (especially nonbinary) people or intersex people, and so the framework has to bend and break itself into a contradictory and often reactionary mess in order to try and explain our experiences without giving up the binary. once again, y'all are always on that damn exorsexism and it makes your feminism shitty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
gonna add my definition of cissexism from the notes here:
"cissexism it is the ideology which promotes the beliefs of:
gender being an oppositional binary between men and women,
gender being inherent/objective/unchanging,
people of certain genders having certain innate traits,
gender (identity/performance) should/must be socially and institutionally policed, and
cis people's experiences of gender are the most real and important and that trans experiences of gender must be able to be put into the boxes used by cis people in order to be real or meaningful.
"trans men have it easier than trans women because [cis] men of other marginalized groups have it easier than [cis] women" is an example of cissexism as it assumes that, amongst other things, trans men are an intersection of some vague "transness" and "manhood" as defined by cis men's experience with manhood, as opposed to being a socially unique gender position under patriarchy."
(note: I mostly left out intersex people from this definition because there exists the term "intersexism" for a reason. while both forms of sexism build off each other, & fundamentally cissexism is intersexist and intersexism is cissexist, i don't think its actually helpful, as an intersex person, to use any term (cissexism or exorsexism) that is primarily used by trans people to describe non-intersex-related trans issues, to describe intersex issues. intersexism is far more than one or two lone bullet points in a definition otherwise focused on gender and trans people as a group (including the majority of perisex trans people) and everyone should learn more about intersex activism and intersex terminology rather than simply trying to make intersex people a small part of terms and concepts that are not centering us when we desperately need that. sex and gender are constructs defined by each other but it is still useful to understand how they differ, especially when intersex people are constantly made into a side note on trans issues and people think that being a good trans ally automatically means you are a good intersex ally. tl;dr cissexism is inherently intersexist but that doesn't mean cissexism should be used to describe intersexism; instead we should talk about both and the inherent connective tissue that links them.)
I know this might seem like a tiny thing to some people, but I really hate when people try to define the a-spectrums specifically as a "lack" of that type of attraction.
Like, that phrasing actually reeks of aphobia and allonormativity (consciously or not).
Asexuality is not a lack of sexual attraction, it's experiencing little to no sexual attraction. Aromanticism is not a lack of romantic attraction, it's experiencing little to no romantic attraction.
I do not experience sexual or romantic attraction, but I don't "lack" those things. Lack implies a deficiency, a sense of incompleteness or wrongness. To lack something means that you are lacking in it, and inherently assumes that's a bad thing. That might not be the intention, but the word "lack" is just so pathologizing that I just hate using it to describe something like orientation.
My orientation is not a problem or an absence of something, it's just what I am.
I am not lacking. I'm just aroace.
Uniattraction
I've probably mentioned making my own little microlabel once or twice but now I actually made a vector for the flag I designed so lol
Uniattraction is supposed to be an aspec identity where one feels equally attracted to everyone applicable to their orientation. Whether that's very, a little, or not at all. I coined this because I identify as aroace and that works for me but nothing ever seemed to describe this specific experience??
Even if I find out it's been coined before I think my flag is cute!
Equal sign represents equal attraction; White represents fully null uniattraction (asexual/aromantic/etc.); The rainbow represents the diversity of objects of attraction.
"Theyfab is a slur against trans men!"
And nonbinary people, right?
...
...
...and nonbinary people, right?!?
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Misogyny directed at trans men is not "accidental" or "misdirected", it is absolutely hitting its intended target.
You Have to show the same level of respect and compassion that you show to people who are dysphoric/grieve over their inability to get pregnant to people who are dysphoric/grieve over their unwanted ability to get pregnant, btw. You simply Have To. Itâs non-negotiable, especially in a world that physically and often violently prevents the latter group from exercising their right to bodily autonomy and removing unwanted parts of themselves.
You Have to show the same level of passion and interest that you show to future technologies and treatments that will allow people who canât get pregnant to finally do so to future technologies and treatments that will allow people who canât impregnate others to finally do so, btw. You simply Have To. One is not more worthy/morally virtuous than the other, one is not an easier burden to bear for those dysphoric about their current anatomy. You Must show the same level of compassion for people who grieve that their only current way to have a biological child with their partner would be to carry it themselves that you do to for people who grieve that their only current way to have a biological child with their partner would be to get them pregnant.
You Must be just as interested in technologies that will finally allow anyone (infertile cis men, intersex people, trans men/mascs/trans people AFAB) to impregnate that you are towards the technologies that will finally allow anyone to get pregnant. Itâs not up for debate. Dysphoria around one is not more morally virtuous and worthy of respect and compassion than the other. You MUST be pro-bodily autonomy and reproductive autonomy for all, or else youâre not at all. Itâs just how it is.
Queer people getting to be open and talk about their desire for sex is important in a world where queer people are prevented from being with the people they want
Asexual people getting to be open and talk about not wanting sex and never having sex is important in a world that tries constantly to sell sex to us as an inevitable activity
Disabled people fighting for the right to marry is important in a world that holds life-saving benefits hostage and prevents one from marrying
Women fighting for the right to divorce or to never marry is important in a world that pushes women into a subordinate role of "wife"
Ex-Religious people fighting for the right to leave a religion or not be forced to convert to a religion is important in a world that subjects everyone to predatory missionary work
Religious people fighting for the right to practice their religion and do so openly is important in a world that prioritized religions over one another--often Christianity but not always
And you could substitute many more things into this. Young people fight to not be infantilized by authority, but they also in some areas fight to not be adultified. Some people have to fight so hard for a variety of reasons to be able to grow out their hair. Some people have to fight so hard to be able to cut it. Some fight to be allowed to wear coverings, some fight to be allowed to wear nothing. Some fight to be left alone, some fight to get the care they need. Some fight to be able to leave, some fight to be able to stay.
None of these comparable fights are opposed to one another, because the fight isn't about the specific thing, it is all about the same thing: autonomy.
Someone's fight to wear a dress is someone's fight to wear pants is someone's fight to live alone is someone's fight to live with someone is someone's fight to be left alone by medical institutions is someone's fight to be able to medically alter their body.
It is the same fight. People who want the opposite for themselves that I want for me are my siblings. We want the exact same thing: the choice to be who we want, how we want, on our terms.
And I WANT that for everyone. I want people to be allowed to choose what I wouldn't, do what I wouldn't, because then I would be free to do what I want and need.
I LOVE TRANS FEMS AND TRANS WOMEN!!!!!! and also I LOVE TRANS MASCS AND TRANS MEN!!!!!!! and also I LOVE ALL TRANS FOLKS OUTSIDE THE BINARY!!!!!!! and also I LOVE ALL TRANS AND CIS FOLKS WITH SEX CHARACTERISTICS OUTSIDE OF THE SEX BINARY!!!!! I LOVE ALL OF MY GENDERQUEER AND INTERSEX BROTHERS SIBLINGS SISTERS COUSINS ELDERS MOTHERS FATHERS PARENTS FRIENDS AND ENEMIES!!!!!
And make sure you respect and care for thoes who don't want love or to be any family member!!
Please!!
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"transmascs love misgendering themselves" hey so are you aware that everytime we try to create inclusive terms we get made fun of? Did you not see how mad TERFs got over the terms "birthing person" or "uterus owner"? We literally can't use terms that wouldn't misgender us because when we do other queer people and people outside the community turn it into a joke.
Preserving @jadwigaspeaks's tags:
#also as far as i can tell most alleged instances of ''transmascs misgendering themselves'' are either#1. a transmasc being gnc / otherwise having fun with gender#2. a transmasc talking about his experiences with misogyny + how being seen *by others* as a woman affected him#or 3. transmascs going into a team/restroom/shelter that's stated to be for women because A. transphobes have specifically banned them from#the men's version or B. the men's version doesn't exist#or C. if the men's version does exist it either cannot or will not meet trans men's needs#none of those can be described in good faith as misgendering one's self#transandrophobia
Okay Iâm glad we on Tumblr have started to understand that loveless aros exist. But do you understand that not all aplatonic people are loveless? That you can be aplatonic and alloromantic, aplatonic and allosexual, aplatonic and both? Do you understand that aplatonicism isnât a subset of aromanticism any more than aromanticism is a subset of asexuality?
Trans activist Jamison Green's passport photos before and after HRT. Left he's age 32 (1980) Right age 41 (1989) after being on testosterone for one year (x)
(read his autobiography here for free)
updated the link to his autobiography because it was broken! here's some more pictures of him (first is mid 90s, second 2013 and last 2024)
there's an interview with him from 2017 along with some information about his life and activism. and he was interviewed on a podcast here. he's not super well known but has been a really important trans activist for decades
we need to get more normal about rejecting people who want to be friends with you at any degree. no the person who turned your friendship down politely isn't an asshole you just werent compatible. it's completely okay to tell you I Don't Want To Be Your Friend or Hey I Won't Be That Close To You. i refuse to have new friendships where we talk daily and respond immediately and i shouldn't have to excuse that with anything but I just dont like you that way
Listen, we have got to talk about the meaning of friendship.
Just because I don't consider someone my "friend" doesn't mean that I don't like that person, or I don't enjoy their company.
There are lots of people I like, and enjoy the company of, who I do not consider my "friends".
"Friend" is a relationship.
A friend is someone who you
make an effort to spend time with on a continuing basis
make an effort to know on a personal and emotional level
would want to continue spending time with them even if you didn't have a current shared interest/hobby
would go at least somewhat out of your way to assist when having difficulty. Would lend $5 to. Would stay up late and listen to them cry.
It is okay and normal to have people that you like and spend time with who are not your "friends". "
Friendship" comes with duties and expectations. It is a relationship.
Friendship is not just a label to put on everyone who you are pleasant to and can get along with in a social setting. Ideally, you're supposed to be pleasant to everyone, and capable of getting along with them in a social setting. That is how polite society works.
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Hi everyone! This is an illustrated guide I made as part of my co-admining work at The Middle Eastern Feminist on Facebook! It will be published there shortly. The technique that is displayed here is a genuine one used in psychology - I forgot the name and couldnât find it again so if you know about it, feel free to tell me! Some could say: âYes but you can use that technique for instances of harassment other than Islamophobic attacks!â, and my reply is: Sure! Please do so, it also works for other âtypesâ of harassment of a lone person in a public space!! However Iâm focusing on protecting Muslims here, as they have been very specific targets lately, and as a French Middle Eastern woman, I wanted to try and do something to raise awareness on how to help when such things happen before our eyes - that way one cannot say they âdidnât know what to doâ! Iâd like to insist on two things: 1) Do not, in any way, interact with the attacker. You must absolutely ignore them and focus entirely on the person being attacked! 2) Please make sure to always respect the wishes of the person youâre helping: whether they want you to leave quickly afterwards, or not! If youâre in a hurry escort them to a place where someone else can take over - call one of their friends, or one of yours, of if they want to, the police. It all depends on how they feel! For my fellow French-speakers: I will translate it in French and post it on my page as soon as I can :) Please donât hesitate to share this guide as it could push a lot of people to overcome bystander syndrome!! Lots of love and stay safe! PS: I you repost this cartoon of mine on twitter or instagram, please add me in the post so I can see it, with @itsmaeril :)
An important reminder today, and every day.
This is based off of the Non-Complementary technique in psychology - also known as âflipping the scriptâ.
It is a legitimate tactic for defusing a situation that could otherwise escalate to become quite nasty.
People instinctively reciprocate anger with anger and kindness with kindness, but what happens when someone breaks this âcomplementary be
"I will never swim again until and unless I get surgery."
"This is why I try so hard to protect my trans sister, she has to deal with so much of this all of the time."
"And this is why I will never learn how to swim"
"I never go swimming, unless it's an event that explicitely mention that Trans Women are welcome"
And other such tags I am vaguely paraphrasing are ones I have had the horror of reading on my post. The trans girls are not swimming. It feels like there is a hole in my body where my heart should be, through which all my blood is pouring. I can't.
