Automatically assuming that pup/pups is a kink thing & intentionally misgendering someone because "[pup] shouldn't force me into partaking in [pups] kink" ....
this is exorsexism

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@papercranesandpride
Automatically assuming that pup/pups is a kink thing & intentionally misgendering someone because "[pup] shouldn't force me into partaking in [pups] kink" ....
this is exorsexism

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I feel like every post that focuses on and celebrates the sexuality of transfems hyperfixates on gock and like. I get it, the majority of transfems are either pre-op or non-op, and yeah those people are so frequently excluded from even being allowed to celebrate sexuality and need representation because, hey, especially for the pre-op folks, that reassurance that you're desirable is needed. I should know, I used to be pre-op and I fucking hated it. I didn't get that reassurance when I needed it most, and I'm damned happy that people who do need it can get it now.
But now I'm post-op and like, what? I just get to feel even more excluded from that sort of celebration? It's mostly just all encompassing, like it is nearly the totality of what constitutes celebrating trans bodies, with a teeny tiny exception carved out for transmasc bodies which I am absolutely not qualified to have an opinion on, not even gonna try, and damn near nothing for post-op transfems.
The thing that gets me the most is porn. Sure, it contributes to the feeling of unwelcomeness that nearly every post that gets slapped across my dash is about The Gock, but I don't seek that out. I'm not out here looking for text posts about how cool gock is, I haven't had one for 7 years. But I seek out porn. And any time I see porn that depicts transfems, even when that porn isn't fetishizing transness, the thing that defines a transfem is her dick. Aside from literally one instance, I never see a girl with a scar on her abdomen, I never see a cross section of a pussy with no womb, I never see someone with two holes and an estrogen patch. It just isn't there.
And on one hand, it feels like I don't deserve to complain, that I'm lucky to have even gotten to have surgery, but on the other hand, fuck you! I get to complain about shit like this, I get to complain that the overall atmosphere of transfem sexuality necessarily including gock, I get to complain that this shit makes me feel like surgery was a mistake even though if I take a couple hours off social media and think hard about it, I don't have any real regrets, I get to complain that when transfem bodies are celebrated, that almost never seems to include my transfem body. I get to complain that trans representation doesn't represent me.
So fuck it. Neopussy Tuesday.
As a trans guy who is now post-phallo, there’s honestly about the same amount of rep for neopussies and neopenises - basically zero.
Neopussy Tuesday, Neopenis Wednesday?
you have to draw trans guys who don't have top surgery. trans men who can't or don't bind who let them hang. trans dudes with more diversity in design than "cis-passing man with top surgery scars (yet never bottom surgery). it's the only way to get into heaven
Trans guys in regular normal bras! Not just binders that are the most masculine designs you can manage! Bras with distinct cups, or bright purple sports bras. Not as a femboy kink thing (I'm a femboy myself, but we already so many people obsessed with feminizing trans men), just because they're more comfortable than binding and breasts chafe if you let them hang.
Guys who use trans tape and need more than the two tiny rectangles you can easily ignore that everyone always draws! Guys with massive bazongas who cover their entire chests in tape, and still have boob, just flatter! Like I get where people get the tiny rectangles design, you see pictures of people who can do that all the time on social media and drag kings... but I also see plenty of pictures of people who need loads of tape! Including on trans tape's official marketing and boxes! And yet I only ever see art of one of these things. I wonder why.
(To be clear, this is all coming from someone who fit both these descriptions until a week ago)
I feel like every post that focuses on and celebrates the sexuality of transfems hyperfixates on gock and like. I get it, the majority of transfems are either pre-op or non-op, and yeah those people are so frequently excluded from even being allowed to celebrate sexuality and need representation because, hey, especially for the pre-op folks, that reassurance that you're desirable is needed. I should know, I used to be pre-op and I fucking hated it. I didn't get that reassurance when I needed it most, and I'm damned happy that people who do need it can get it now.
But now I'm post-op and like, what? I just get to feel even more excluded from that sort of celebration? It's mostly just all encompassing, like it is nearly the totality of what constitutes celebrating trans bodies, with a teeny tiny exception carved out for transmasc bodies which I am absolutely not qualified to have an opinion on, not even gonna try, and damn near nothing for post-op transfems.
The thing that gets me the most is porn. Sure, it contributes to the feeling of unwelcomeness that nearly every post that gets slapped across my dash is about The Gock, but I don't seek that out. I'm not out here looking for text posts about how cool gock is, I haven't had one for 7 years. But I seek out porn. And any time I see porn that depicts transfems, even when that porn isn't fetishizing transness, the thing that defines a transfem is her dick. Aside from literally one instance, I never see a girl with a scar on her abdomen, I never see a cross section of a pussy with no womb, I never see someone with two holes and an estrogen patch. It just isn't there.
And on one hand, it feels like I don't deserve to complain, that I'm lucky to have even gotten to have surgery, but on the other hand, fuck you! I get to complain about shit like this, I get to complain that the overall atmosphere of transfem sexuality necessarily including gock, I get to complain that this shit makes me feel like surgery was a mistake even though if I take a couple hours off social media and think hard about it, I don't have any real regrets, I get to complain that when transfem bodies are celebrated, that almost never seems to include my transfem body. I get to complain that trans representation doesn't represent me.
So fuck it. Neopussy Tuesday.

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they've been arguing about malgendering on twitter so here's the truth from me, the arbiter of truth (jk but ive been talking about malgendering long before it became a popular buzzword and heres my understanding of it)
malgendering is a form of transphobia wherein a transphobic person uses their victim's correct gender to harass or demean them. it is meant to be the inverse of misgendering, where a transphobe uses the victim's incorrect gender to harass or demean them.
misgendering towards trans women can be as simple as "youre a man." but malgendering is more insidious, like someone saying "you really are a girl" when she makes a mistake in order to insult her intelligence. the phrase "you really are a girl" is positive when removed from the context of the trans woman making a mistake and the transphobe's sarcastic tone that implies shes stupid in an misogynistic way.
if a trans man does something like standing up for himself against an unfair situation or asks for better accommodations/treatment, and a transphobe wants to use that to imply he is selfish and entitled, they might say "trans men really are men" which again, is a true statement on its own. but in the context of the situation, its clear the transphobe is using the stereotypical worst qualities of men to insult and undermine someone's very identity.
malgendering can be any severity of harm, just like misgendering. my mom slipping up in the first months of my transition and accidentally calling me "she", and a bigot shouting "YOURE A WOMAN YOULL NEVER BE A MAN" at me are both examples of misgendering, but one is much worse than the other and its the same with malgendering. being told "trans men are the men of the trans community" as an insult is annoying and rude but not a big deal. however, right now ICE is torturing trans men in concentration camps by forcing them to do pointless and grueling labor. and when they become exhausted, theyre told "I thought you were a man. if youre really a man this should be easy for you" these are both examples of malgendering. one is a microaggression, the other is literal torture.
malgendering happens equally to both trans men and trans women, its not something that is unique to anyone because it is a form of transphobia. the strategy is that if a transphobe tries to make a trans persons life as their true gender so miserable and unsafe, detransitioning seems like the safer and happier option. its psychological torment, moreso than the plain and obvious insult of intentional misgendering. so dont let it happen, call it out when you see it and dont be fooled by transphobes trying to erase the context and be like "what!! what i said was true!"
For my own understanding, let me try to boil down your explanation into a one sentence definition:
Malgendering is the action of maliciously burdening a trans person with the stereotypes about their true gender, with the intent of making living as said gender seem less favorable.
Does that catch what you're trying to say? Because from your post I'm not sure of the intent bit.
yes! the transphobic person may not be aware of their intent and not even know what they're doing, most of the time theyll deny that they are being tranphobic because they think theyre 'affirming" someones gender. it serves as an easy way out and often malgendering is more like a dogwhistle, only some people can hear it. but yes, that is the "purpose" of malgendering.
and you could argue "well thats just sexism. treating a trans woman like shes stupid or slutty because shes a woman is just misogyny. treating a trans man like he must be entitled or predatory because hes a man is just misandry" yes and no, because the context matters.
saying these things to a trans person with the knowledge that theyre trans has an underlying implication: "you wouldn't be bad if you weren't trans". when you tell a trans men that all men should die and you hate all men, youre telling him "you wouldnt be evil if you detransitioned. everyone would be kind to you if you were still a girl" and same with trans women: "you would be smarter and respected if you weren't a woman. I wouldnt harass you if you were still a man."
malgendering says "these are the consequences of being a man/woman, and im going to make sure you suffer them."
i saw a post the other day that said something like "if you identify as the gender you were assigned at birth, you are cis and shouldn't be allowed to call yourself trans" which i'm sure sounds reasonable if you don't know any, say, bigender people
did you know that if you want to signify simultaneous inclusion of asexual people in general and aromantic people in general, you should use the flag for asexual people in general side-by-side with the flag for aromantic people in general? because the purple ace flag represents all aces, and the green aro flag represents all aros. the blue/orange aroace flag is great, but it represents aroaces, not everyone who is aro or ace. (and hell, even some aroaces like me prefer the individual aro and ace flags more, whether because we see our aro and ace identities as distinct, or because we just prefer green and purple.) if you're creating a space meant for aros and aces, if you're making a post about aro characters and ace characters, you need to include more than the aroace flag — you need the aro flag and ace flag individually. you can certainly throw in the aroace flag, because it serves a wonderful purpose for the aroaces who choose to use it, but you should include aroallo and alloace flags too. the aroace flag doesn't represent all aros and aces automatically.
Absolutely exhausting to see people's response to "hating men ultimately leads to all types of transphobia. It doesn't belong in feminist spaces and ultimately harms everyone involved. Hating men is in fact not decentering men." And seeing half the comments be "well trans men are all evil misogynists who need to die" or "maybe I wouldn't hate trans men if they stopped acting like they're oppressed" YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM
"Trans people deserve rights and bodily autonomy because they aren't mentally ill-" hey but what if mentally ill people deserve rights and bodily autonomy too have you considered that because you should

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it's so funny to me how the same binary trans people who uphold passing culture and cisnormative frameworks will swear up and down that they are also, somehow, more subversive than those of us who don't. I know that they think any trans identity that isn't theirs is basically cis, but this is ridiculous.
and I cannot iterate enough how these people pride themselves on being 'normal', unlike the 'freaks' who are nonbinary, xenic, or genderfucky, but don't you dare insinuate that they aren't very subversive or it'll hurt their feelings. deeply unserious people, it must be miserable to live with a mindset like theirs.
Wanting to have breasts, a beard, long hair, a deep voice, etc doesn't make someone a transmisogynist btw. That's literally just a transition goal. Did we forget about non-binary and intersex people?
Do you have any wisdom on getting hrt as a person with pmos? Any specifics challenges or things to keep in mind to keep yourself safe?
-a very nervous young transmasc with pmos
TL;DR: no, it's completely a non issue, HRT and PMOS are both things handled by endocrinologists so they know what to do and it's completely fine.
Honestly, it really hasn't been an issue at all. Like, okay, full disclosure here that I know some people with PMOS have heavy miserable periods and stuff, and that definitely is not me. So if your worry is about that, I'm not going to be helpful there. But my experience with getting HRT was pretty much the same as anyone else in an american blue state. I got my doctor to refer me to an endocrinologist who does gender affirming care, I had my appointment, we talked about my gender and my goals for HRT, and I walked out of there with a T prescription. The beauty of the informed consent method.
I've been on metformin for PMOS since I was like 13, so I did ask if I should come off of it because it wasn't necessary to keep my periods regular anymore, and she was like "if you don't have any side effects from it or anything, I'd rather not change multiple things at once." And knowing that my A1C is sketchy, and I was considered pre diabetic before I was on it but am not anymore, and also that one day I would like to have kids and for that I would need regular menstrual cycles again so it'll probably be easier if I just stay on metformin instead of going off and back on again, I'm fine with staying on it. So we never messed with it. I do still take it.
I know a lot of people use birth control to regulate PMOS, and some birth control methods are not advised for people on T because they use estrogen and thus kinda cancel it out, but that's not a thing I had to deal with. I was never on the pill for PMOS. (As for actual contraception, I had a hormonal IUD when I started it, which is good for people on T because those hormones only effect the immediate area of your uterus and ovaries, they don't actually enter your bloodstream at all. And then I realized I don't actually like vaginal sex and got it out and now I'm not on any birth control at all.)
My PMOS has pretty much been irrelevant to the entire process. Like... Pretty much the only way it mattered was that it was easier to hide going on HRT from my parents, because when they looked at their insurance statements and asked about the new endocrinologist I saw, I could say that I decided to get a new one for my PMOS since my old one was a pediatric one. Which wasn't even wrong; I do see only the one endocrinologist, and she prescribes my metformin so she is also my PMOS person. She does all the insulin resistance related labs that a person with PMOS should be getting for me, so. Like. She does also take care of it in the very limited way it's relevant. But mostly it isn't.
But yeah, my PMOS had essentially no impact on anything. My periods still stopped after about a month. I responded very well to testosterone. I didn't have any issues with it or anything like that. Even like... I've always had a lot of acne, which is presumably a PMOS thing, and I just assumed that would get worse from going on T because they tell you it might give you acne, given it's puberty 2 and everything, but no. No my acne stayed exactly the same. Not any better, I guess, but definitely not worse. I've always had a high libido, and I thought that might be a high T from PMOS thing, so I was very scared when everyone was like "look, if you're going on T, buy a sex toy and be prepared to be masturbating all the time. It's going to make you super horny at first until you get used to it," because like, I already masturbated at least once a day even without T, but I guess your libido can only get so high because mine didn't change at all. It stayed right at its normal high level.
So yeah, my advice is that your PMOS is basically a non issue for going on T. HRT is prescribed by an endocrinologist, and PMOS is also an endocrinologist thing, so they know how to handle it... but also largely they don't have to. I would definitely advise going through a dedicated endocrinologist instead of like, a Planned Parenthood or trying to get it from a PCP, like some people do, precisely because they can also take over management of your PMOS and then you don't need an extra doctor. I have talked to other trans people and discovered that people without PMOS don't have as much bloodwork ordered by their endocrinologists as me, just their hormone levels and the hemocrit. But even then, I get my blood drawn at the same frequency as other trans people, they just take more of it and I have to fast first and they don't.
I know it's more nuanced than this but I think having a hard policy of thinking anyone who genuinely hates one group of queer people for their identity might as well hate all of us and thus I should block any queerphobic queer person I see can do a lot to save you from believing anything exclusionists say.
"bomb that kills all-" "I just don't get bi women bringing their-" "pansexuality isn't a real thing-" "all lesbians-" "trans men really are the men of the-" "theyfabs-" "pfft aroace people are cringe-" "nonbinary people are actually all-" Instant block. Goodbye. Not listening. It's for both solidarity with your fellow queers AND to protect yourself, because once a person is convinced to hate one group for their immutable traits they can be convinced fairly easily to hate another too, and thus I do not trust them.
Just block these people the second they pop up, they aren't your allies and nothing they have to say is worth listening to.
These types will often try to guilt you into defaulting to their judgement by citing their own identities but that's bullshit. You can, should, and must completely ignore them. A bigot is a bigot, and if you wouldn't listen to a cishetperisex one then you shouldn't listen to a queer one either.
and YES this SHOULD and DOES include polyamorous people too
I am poly too and damn straight it does 🤝
AND INTERSEX PEOPLE
The prescriptivist shitcourse about "who's allowed to be queer/lesbian/trans?" comes around like clockwork because guess what people love to do when they feel acutely not-in-control because the really big terrifying things that our communities face are kinda aloof and above our fucking paygrade or ability to combat personally.
Punching down or laterally feels great when punching up at big systemic issues feels pointless so entirely too many of us give in to their unfortunate evolutionary base urges.
See something you don't know. Dislike it, afraid of it, police it.
But holy fucking shit, we can be so much better. Are XYZ allowed to be [interchangeable]? Who fucking cares, this isn't a game of permissions. If XYZ genuinely identify with [interchangeable] who am I and who are you to tell them they aren't? Yes, history is fucking complex and nuanced but you really shouldn't need a history lesson to go "yep, this doesn't impact me in any way and my discomfort with it is something I should prolly work through in therapy or something".

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I really gotta talk more about being from Indiana and how when I was living there the options for obtaining HRT legally were like, 2 clinics several hours away from where I lived that didn't take most people's insurances and Howard Brown Hospital in Chicago whose like... entire informed consent trans medical care structure completely fell apart for out of state patients during the height of the pandemic.
Everyone I knew went to HB for HRT in Northwest Indiana and many of us on testosterone got completely fucked by doctors afraid of telehealth laws regarding the prescription of scheduled drugs across state lines. I watched two older guys in my life at the time struggle to get their testosterone that they had been getting consistently with HB for over a decade. I straight up fell through the cracks of their system because I had been getting my HRT through their youth clinic and was about to age out. That was the first time I stopped testosterone against my will because I couldn't get my prescription filled.
I was in my early 20's at the time and had a handful of adult trans mentors in their 30's-40's who said "Kid you should get out of here while you can because it's going to get bad here" so I saved and planned. And I did get out. And it did get worse. And I miss my hometown and my local queer community every single day. I miss the people who are still there struggling. My friends. My neighbors. The queer people that took me in and under their wings as my new extended family when I came out as a teenager.
It's just. Frustrating. I had to leave my whole life and all the people I loved behind so I could live safely and freely as a trans person. I don't think half of the people who get pissy about the way I talk about systemic oppression and institutional power can actually comprehend the weight of that.
as much as i may talk about friendship and queerplatonicism know this. i don't think there is any type of relationship that is inherently more meaningful than any other type. the solution to amatonormativity is not to put platonic relationships on a pedestal