do good recklessly

LINGUINI HAS A RAT ACCENT 

I mean his name is Alfredo Linguini so I always assumed he was Italian

I’m sorry his first name is Alfredo?

ALFREDO???

he’s American you guys his mother was American it was mentioned in the beginning

I’m sorry, I’ve moved on to the fact his mother was going through her cupboard for baby names

Alfredo was a name before it was a sauce let’s go over the movie from the top again

I think you might have your left and right mixed up, my friend

Great post everyone. Hit the showers.

I feel it would be good to have a word that's like not ragebait but shamebait, where you can read a post and just go 'ah, this person just wants me to feel ashamed of myself and is not engaging with the issue in a constructive or useful way. I do not have to participate in this actually' and like. move on with your day

smitten is such a great word :) omg he's so cute it feels like i'm being killed by god

they want you to make fried rice

who is "they"

the wok left

how am I supposed to make fried rice if the wok left

skillet issue

so the wok's gone, and now there's something wrong with the skillet, too?? how am i meant to make the rice now ????

ask a shrimp for help

Knightposting this princessposting that WHO IS TILLING THE FIELDS

there are no serfposts because they were almost exclusively illiterate

that doesn’t stop most tumblr users

how dare you say we surf on the poor

It is CRIMINAL that this design hasnt been used

the default way for things to taste is good. we know this because "tasty" means something tastes good. conversely, from the words "smelly" and "noisy" we can conclude that the default way for things to smell and sound is bad. interestingly there are no corresponding adjectives for the senses of sight and touch. the inescapable conclusion is that the most ordinary object possible is invisible and intangible, produces a hideous cacophony, smells terrible, but tastes delicious. and yet this description matches no object or phenomenon known to science or human experience. so what the fuck

this is what ancient greek philosophy is like

of fucking course

I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna do the dishes!

I did it! It sucked but I did it!

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

y- you were putting it in cold water?????

Radish. Answer the question radish.

yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason

Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove

Its takes less than a minute

Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun

How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove

Like seven minutes

Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…

Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted

Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic

Yet another post that reads like four shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief

World Heritage Post

coming out of my cage and i been doing just bad. going back in my cage because i like my cage

another underappreciated tumblr feature that you dont get on other sites is the queue. i love it when something i thought was funny six months ago and then forgot about a week later crawlts its way out of the processing vortex and i get to see it all over again.

you should queue this post it would be funny and grant me immortality

you motherfuckers put me in the processing vortex

HE FOUND TUMBLR??????

I’ve been here the whole time.

i love seeing posts like "SELL ALL YOUR TESLA STOCK NOW!!" on tumblr dot com like they do not let you buy stocks if you know what a karkat is