Trans fights!!!!

I love visiting people who have some kind of pet reptile because they're always like "would you like to hold the reptile" and I'm like "of course I would" and then the rest of the conversation happens with me just holding a random reptile and the reptile Has No Feelings about the situation. They always just sit there, probably vaguely wishing to return to their heat lamp but clearly exuding an energy of This Might As Well Happen. and then I put it back in its enclosure and go home and the reptile very clearly has no strong feelings about the situation.

How quickly we forget the dangerous crow boy who’s job it is to destroy plastic

i eat a lot of bread because it’s soft and i deserve it. also i am gorgeous

[ID: A photo of a pigeon. It does, in fact, look gorgeous.]

Character duo where one *remembers I don’t like fitting characters into trope boxes* is a completely fleshed out and realised person *remembers treating characters as real people and not story devices written with intent is bad* who is written by the author and *remembers death of the author* uh. And *fumbles and drops my pile of queue cards* ah fuck wait no *the menacing horse* what was that.

The Weeping Angels are really scary until you realize if any organism sees them they are fucked so they get hard countered by geckos, who don't blink and can see in the dark. If the Doctor strapped like two geckos onto him he'd be fine.

vincent price horror flicks are great because the wretched old servant will be like “beware, for the Evil Twisted Master approaches…. hark! i hear his wicked footstep on the stair even now!” and the door opens and it’s noted bisexual vincent price in a silly outfit

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

It’s called ‘being able to see the corpse’

So if I put you in an L-shaped swimming pool, and you knew there was a corpse around the corner, you'd be fine?

loving the implication that I'm a little animal and you're a scientist putting me into various bodies of water to test my corpse:water ratio tolerance

"it's not that deep" START DIGGING!!

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

OOPS TOO DEEP

ok, maybe you didn't say the thing I accused you of saying - but you heavily implied it by speaking to me, someone who wants to be mad at you

[shaking your hand] hey you ever hear about the scorpion and the frog [not letting go] exciting friends and a good adventure

have you guys heard about the greenland shark. some crazy shit happening there.