ryann meer

It always troubles me when people talk about trans women (like Meagan and Autumn Hill, my partners who I talk to every day) in men's prisons, describing them as "rape concentration camps" and emphasizing the sexual violence there. Both Meagan and Autumn Hill have told me, explicitly, that the vast majority of their fellow prisoners respect them and respect their gender, and while some prisoners have been threatening (particularly to Meagan), that the violence against them has primarily come from the institutional systems of the guards, wardens, etc. I know this in part because of their actions: Meagan and Autumn Hill have consistently helped their fellow prisoners, with little things like getting artwork to help a prisoner draw a birthday card for his child, or bigger things like helping someone get back in contact with their family. And a lot of prisoners have been supportive to Meagan and Autumn Hill, especially when they know about the Prairieland case. They make snacks to share, trade books, and comfort Meagan when she's feeling particularly sad.

I say all this for two reasons. The first is that prisoners are not all rapists or bigots, and in fact many of them are not even guilty of the crimes they're arrested for. They're an oppressed class of people, even the worst of them, and they deserve to be understood as individuals, not a nameless and faceless mass of violent threats. And, as individuals, a lot of them have been good comrades to Meagan and Autumn Hill. I want people to keep that in mind when thinking about prisoners. There's a lot of racial stereotypes and bigotries in the way people think of prisoners in the USA, and we need to unlearn those things and understand prisoners as people, as our equals.

I have met with murderers, rapists, and abusers day in and day out in jail and I’ve never once felt actually threatened by them. (A little creeped out, once in a while, yes.) those guards walk into the same situation as me armed to the teeth with bulletproof vests on ready to spray pepper spray everywhere and they are SCARED. They cannot relate to prisoners as people.

Not to mention, and I will die on this hill: guards sexually assault prisoners by policy, every day. If any single person in society did to prisoners what guards do, it would be called sexual assault without hesitation. I mean cavity searches. I mean extended pat-downs. I mean depriving of clothes in the middle of their pod.

Did I say prisoners? I meant to clarify: this is a list of things I have seen done to underage people. Children. Children in child prisons. All of those things are done to children by adult “staff.”

An unstable client of mine once said that she was raped by a guard and another guard participated. After speaking at length with her, we figured out that she experienced a “cavity search” and it was such a terrifying and violating experience that she unhesitatingly categorized it this way. I saw her point. I’ve changed how I talk about it ever since.

In prisons in some foreign countries, sometimes you have difficulty telling the guards from the prisoners. They interact freely and don’t arm themselves to the teeth. The doors aren’t made of bars. The cells look like dorm rooms. Those prisons have extremely low incidences of violence.

The fire alarm went off at school today because of a mistake, but your teachers did the right thing to take you outside to be sure it was safe.

Some people use wheelchairs because their legs don’t walk very well. It can happen because they are old and tired, or because they got hurt, or because they were born that way.

Your Uncle Jerod talked to mom and dad, and wants you to call her Aunt Kari now. We will call her Kari too, and we can all practice together if it takes some getting used to.

Anticipate age-appropriate fears the child might have so you can assuage those that are not a threat.

Yes, Kitty died at the vet, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not safe for Puppy to go to the vet.

Yes, Peyton and Jo are getting a divorce, but they are both still part of our family and love you very much.

Yes, Grandma has cancer, but cancer is not contagious, so you are not going to get cancer by visiting her.

Anticipate fears that are realistic, and give the child clear direction about what to do, and what happens next.

If someone asks you to get in their car without permission, find Mom, Mama, or a teacher and tell them right away. We will make sure you are safe.

If Sparky’s sickness makes him hurt very badly, we are going to take him to the vet and she will give him some medicine, and he will die, but then he won’t hurt any more. Because Sparky is very sick, we are going to spend some special time with him over the next few days.

If the fire alarm goes off at school again, follow the teacher’s directions. If the fire alarm goes off and you are somewhere alone, go outside, and ask a grownup to call 911.

Reassure the child that they’re safe and loved, validate their feelings, and see if they have follow-up questions. Give them the option to take space to process, or to stay near you to feel safe.

I’m sad about Sparky too. Do you think we could make his favorite peanut-butter treats, while we are spending special time with him?

I understand why Grandma’s cancer makes you feel angry. It doesn’t seem fair that people we love get sick. Would you like a hug?

I still don’t really know how to talk to children. The best I can do is straightforward. “I’m going to tell you about this and I won’t treat you like an idiot. It’s my job to make your voice heard. In exchange, you gotta tell me when there’s some shit you don’t understand because I do this all the time and I forget what people know and don’t know.”

Then I try check-ins: “Good? You know this stuff and want me to move faster or am I confusing things and I need to slow down?”

I get two hundred cases assigned at once

I am in a New court with new judges and prosecutors

i was medically neglected as a child. had my ear split open & a nail stuck in my leg & got rubbing alcohol and soup about it. this didnt happen because my parents didnt care, but because we were living on food stamps & they had 5 other kids to take care of (my parents werent good by any means but they leaned far more into controlling behavior than they did neglect).

you can probably see what im getting at. the neglect was technically chosen. my parents were physically capable of taking me to an urgent care. but they were also adults who could reason that if they did that they would probably be in even more debt than they already were for years to come, making everything harder for them and for me & my siblings.

there is a farce of control over decisions like this in a system where health and safety cost money. as an adult i have had to forego tests to determine some of the disabilities i might have (outside of the ones that are already known about) because the copay would be $1,500 fucking dollars. thats not actually a decision im able to make without being under duress.

it is absolutely necessary to engage in medical neglect of yourself and/or others in this system. thats not even to mention emotional or physical neglect because of the time trap that is working for a wage.

When a kid gets to a certain number of unexcused absences, the parent can be charged with an actual crime under the law. (Not to mention medical neglect, also a crime.)

The child can also be taken away and put in a facility or home that is paid by the government (possibly with the parent having to pay it back) to care for the child.

Specifically:

By which I mean

On tumblr I’m seeing a hell of a lot of young white kids yelling at anyone who actually follows those steps, and acting like burnout is a moral falling rather than a well-proven psychological phenomenon.

Preventing burnout.  Keeping the movement alive. 

What is burnout?  Burnout is the experience of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion often caused by longterm involvement in emotionally demanding situations. 

Effects of burnout on a movement.  In a 2015 study it was observed that roughly half of activists who experienced burnout did not take a break or hiatus. Instead, they ended up leaving the movement for good. 

Why is burnout common among activists?  Research has highlighted burnout among activists is usually caused by the setting of unrealistically high standards for oneself.  Activists commonly feel the weight of the world upon their shoulders, with a heightened sense of accountability, empathy, and guilt. 

Tips to fight burnout.  1. Identify your feelings.  Symptoms of burnout can include: 

Anxiety

Guilt

Isolation

Irritability

Anger

Sadness

Pessimism

Disappointment

Numbness

Fatigue

Insomnia

Lack of motivation

Physical pain/sickness

2. Talk to a trusted confidant. Whether a therapist or a friend, sometimes taking the opportunity to let out your thoughts and feelings with someone who understands us can alleviate stress, or point us in a direction we may not have yet considered. 

3. Find healthy outlets.  Work on a coping bank, a go-to list of activities and behaviors that give you a sense of fulfillment, relief, and replenishment when you’re feeling burnout. 

4. Learn when to step back.  While your voice is valuable, know that many others are willing to carry on the work you have done, until you’re ready to step back in.

“Just don’t give up what you’re trying to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong.” – Ella Fitzgerald. 

You are worthy of compassion. Yes, you. I know what I’m talking about because I’ve offered compassion to people who have killed and hurt other people very badly, and I guarantee there is nothing you say that will convince me you are less worthy than they were. You are worthy. You are worthy now, not later, not when you’re finished, not when you’ve proven yourself, not once you’ve grown up. Now.

Compassion is saying not “I didn’t even try” but “it’s understandable that I didn’t have the energy.” Not “I’m not as good as them” but “I’m learning,” “we all bear different burdens,” “the way I’m growing is in a different direction.”

This starts with being a compassionate witness to yourself. And if you can’t be, try a friend who can be kinder to you than you can be to yourself.

I literally imagine myself as having paladin oaths, because I’m a nerd, but one of the oaths is:

I will protect myself, because I am no less worthy than any other I would protect.

Losing, being defeated, it’s inevitable in my line of work. What’s crucial is gathering the wisdom that comes from the loss, not carrying the pain. I mean, we’re human and sometimes we carry the pain. But you can’t carry it all. Not alone.

Be kind. Be kind to yourself. Kindness is giving yourself space to grow, not locking yourself away. Kindness is resting. Kindness is caring for yourself.