Peter Solarz

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⣠Chile in a Photography ā£

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h
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trying on a metaphor
YOU ARE THE REASON
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

romaā
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@godesssiri

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"going out to get milk" is a common turn of phrase used to describe a man abandoning his family.
the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.
this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.
therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:
- being a cow
- being an almond
- being a woman
- being a coconut
- being in the omegaverse
- being an oat
(list is exemplary and not finite)
in this essay, i will redefine the nuclear family and explain the seductive and inflammatory nature of the 1993 "Got Milk?" commercials.
you shut your mouth.
i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like āwow humans are fucking wildā and took it
Humanityās first contact with Vulcans was some guy goingĀ āIām down to fuck.ā
Vulcansā first contact with Humans was an emphaticĀ āSure.ā
@sineala
#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan
āsirā¦theseā¦these humansā¦they greet each other byā¦ā *glances around before furtively whispering* āby clasping handsā¦ā
*prolonged silence*Ā āoh myā¦ā
āsirā¦sir how will we make first contact with them? surely weā¦we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??ā
*several pensive moments later*Ā ācontact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, heāll put his hands on anythingā
Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: āā¦.my day has come.ā
The vulcanĀ who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Yāall just be makinā up names for characters that already have names.
Bonus: hereās a screencap of Solkar doing the āmy body is readyā pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochraneās hand:
I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they areĀ ādistant xenophobesā orĀ āhorny on main for humanityā. Also apparently this guy is Spockās great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.
Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkarās descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so Iām not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkarās descendants and humans, but Iām also notā¦.notā¦.saying that.
actual footage of first contact makeouts
The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes CockraneāsāIām sorry, Cochraneāsāhand⦠The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual⦠It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkarās part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.
Thatās why heās so slow in doing it, andĀ so sensual. A part of Solkar canāt believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him canāt believe how good it is.
I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkarās pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochraneās firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.
No wonder Solkar is all like,Ā āTAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.ā
And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.
Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.
#somehow the idea of vulcans being Horny On Main always gives me the giggles#like literally all they had to do#was be like actually#hand contact is very intimate for our species#and im p sure humanity as a whole would not find that insurmountably weird#there are human cultures that dont shake hands#vulcans are logical enough to think that through on their own#so clearly that vulcan was just down to fuck#down to fuck in a public#professional diplomatic situation no less#and he did not fucking care who knew itĀ (via kittykatthetacodemon)
Some Vulcan: we could probably just explain that handshakes are intimate in our culture
Solkar, rubbing lip gloss on his hand: donāt tell me how to do my jobĀ
This is my favourite Star Trek post, complete with headcanons, corrections, the truth coming out of her well to shame Spock even. Seriously perfect fandom work.
They could have explained none of it and responded to the offered hand with a polite bow. First contact was gonna be with the guy who proved they were technologically ready for it but any human aware of Japan and China would recognise that
Yeah man, this wizard sleepover is cozy. I just saw a guy gently clap his hands together and say "hot beverage conjuration" or something, and suddenly everyone was holding a perfect mug of their favorite warm drink in their hands. Nobody who was already sleeping even woke up, that's how cozy it is. I'm over here casting pillow and level 2 pyjamas. I think I just heard "power word: blanket fort" two groups over. I gotta get in there.
fake Goncharov fans donāt even realize that Scorsese did NOT direct the 1973 cult classic. he was executive producer. š¤¦āāļø
The actual director is Natted JWHJ0715, and they deserve credit!!!
It's Matteo JWHJ0715!!!!! Very talented director (italian mother, license plate father)

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ācharacter who gained weight to show how they are healthy nowā trope my beloved
I always think of the description I saw years ago: Self-imposed deadlines don't help me, because I know the person who set them, and they're full of shit.
am i allowed to say kill all trillionaires or is that too specific of a threat
something ive noticed after being a hobby cosplayer for years is that in a lot of places the general consensus seems to be that wearing costumes in public is weird and/or socially unacceptable, but whenever I'm in costume in public while on the train to the con venue or having a photoshoot on location or something, people by and large fucking love my costume. they think it's so cool. kids think my costume rocks. their parents are impressed that I made it myself. random grandmas tell me my armor kicks ass. I was at a japanese garden once and barely got around to doing the photoshoot me and my homies came there to do because swathes of visitors who had never heard the word cosplay before were lining up to take a picture with me.
it's the same thing with adjacent hobbies like larp or reenactment or fursuiting, the general image of the hobby is that you're weird nerds (and probably also sex perverts) for playing dressup despite not being a child but when you're actually in costume the response from random normies is categorically positive. I inevitably get weird looks from the kind of people who think having a tattoo is an affront to god but they give me that look for just existing with blue hair and pronouns too and the people who actually talk to me always do because they wanted to tell me they love my costume. and the response that always gets me the most is when they say it looks fun but they would never dare to do the same. it's such a shame. why did wearing a silly little costume have to become an act of bravery.
A couple of years ago, a bunch of Star Wars costumers went to a state park and met for a photo shoot. The organizer notified the park staff that we were coming only to take still pictures, no video, no commercial use items. We gathered together and lugged our stuff into a fairly low traffic location, set up a portable changing tent for those who needed it and got dressed.
Our scout troopers and Jedi and Sith posed against the rock crags and forests and in dappled sunlight. We got great pictures.
And every once in a while someone would come around the bend and find something TRULY unexpected.
Most people scrambled backwards or ducked behind the nearest tree, apparently thinking they'd stumbled into a film shoot of some kind. A few took pictures from a distance.
Once we explained, all of them were delighted. How strange. How wonderous. Two little boys took pictures with every single costumer, a woman sat on a rock and just watched, one guy called home to FaceTime his brother.
The world is mundane and predictable and painful sometimes. And breaks to that are magic. Little bursts of a world turned on its head. In the best way.
First humans ever to leave the solar system suddenly drop out of communications and the ship can't be found with any equipment. After one month of no contact their home countries start reluctantly holding funerals for the space heroes only for them all to turn up, healthy, well fed and extremely disoriented, in the middle of Tokyo, talking about alien abduction. Turns out that aliens found the poor humans straying out of their solar system, presumably lost, and took them to Alien Wildlife Rehabilitation before dumping them back in the middle of their native habitat.
#bonus points if none if the crew are Japanese#aliens just dropped where they thought was best
I literally just googled "city with the highest population"
Iāll bet they have cool new tattoos that turn out to be tracking devices too. Just in case these spirited individuals try to make another break for it.
... do the tats make them stupid popular, like that time scientists gave birds tracker anklets and it accidentally made them ultra fuckable
Letās say yes. Those alien scientists are learning so much, and none of it is accurate.

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weāre so lucky that gilgamesh survived and is a banger. can you imagine if we found the oldest written human story ever recorded and it sucked balls.
Why is it that every time I google something like "Are olives poisonous to cats" the top results are always like "Fun fact: Cats are carnivores! This means that they eat meat. There is no reason to include olives in a cat's diet. You should feed your cat cat food, which is dry or wet food especially designed for cats. You can purchase this at a store." like is there a single person alive on the planet who's googled "Are blueberry muffins safe for cats" because they're planning on switching their cat to a muffin-only diet??? No, I'm asking because the little bastard somehow popped open the packet while I was putting away the groceries and dragged one under the couch before I could react and now I need to know if I should call the after-hours vet. "Cats should not eat spaghetti." NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!! "Try to keep human food away from cats." i live in a studio apartment with a completely silent and permanently hungry apex predator who has the intelligence of a toddler and the desperate Machiavellian cunning of a creature who spent his formative months on the streets. He can already open doors and he is this š close to learning how to open the microwave. He is stronger than me and covered in knives. So im gonna do my best but for the moment i just need you to tell me whether this yoghurt is going to kill my son y/n
I've been using the pet poison hotline's poison list cause it has a search function. It also tells you whether something is mildly, moderately, or severely toxic which can be very handy! It doesn't contain like everything but it might be a good place to start, it also includes plants for fellow houseplant lovers <3
Explore Pet Poison Helpline®s vast knowledge on poisons by reviewing our pet poison list. Explore our top 10 poison and holiday poison lists
For plants specifically, thereās also a wildly detailed set of posts and listings about toxicity on the old, wonderful, Plants Are the Strangest People blog
Cats also like olives because they have a similar compound to catnip in them, so OP's cat likely tore open the package for that reason. I learned this the hard way the first time I ate olives near my cat :/ they're not poison on their own but the ones for people are def way too salty for cats.
I should clarify my cat was fine, she just made a mess trying to violently steal all the olives.
I've never met anyone who's issues with transgender people couldn't be solved by minding their own business.

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Palestinians are indigenous to the Levant and the area that is now the state of Israel. They are genetically related to remains found at archeological sites in the area from before the Neolithic and they are related to Jewish populations in the Middle East. They have been there forever. Early Zionist writers acknowledged this. The myth that the Palestinian people are all āArab colonizersā and therefore do not belong on the land is a convenient myth to villainize them using Islamophobic and racist rhetoric, it goes against scientific and historical fact and their own oral history.
A tragic scene:
My turtle notices the blueberry I put out for him but in his excitement he drops it into his pond. He considers a recovery mission on his own, then turns to me for assistance instead.
Fear not- the berry was retrieved and the turtle was able to enjoy it as intended