Linear writing of the All the Hope sequel has officially started ! Statistics say I'm probably older than you. Random things, stuff I like, ramblings, AND SCIENCE. Occasional original drawings and photography. Art blog : dr-fancy-pants.tumblr.com (before: pigeoncop). Pikkulef on AO3.
We've had multiple scares over the years, so I'm just going with the flow here, but considering the times...
I really don't want to lose the friends I have made here, but I am in a bad enough place mentally to feel very bad about asking people personally, so this is more like an offer to anyone who would like to keep sharing silly stuff, chatting or just existing in the same orbit, you know :
I can be found on Discord (Pikkulef), Cara (inactive right now but if Tumblr kicks the bucket...), and of course AO3 as Pikkulef.
I'm welcoming people following me in Instagram, but I'm not sharing the link directly because it has my face on it. Feel free to ask me if we're mutuals, and if you want to see horses and reenactment stuff (the rest is pretty on par with what I post on here).
I'm considering going back to Mastodon, or BlueSky, don't know which I should chose, so if you're in either and have tips I'm all ears.
Peace, cheers, and may this post be for nothing 🤷🏻♀️
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Peeling off the broken breastplate of a stoic knight who only fights and never speaks, just to realize there’s nothing in there. Not metaphorically—the armor is literally empty. It doesn’t appear to affect him. If the armor stays mostly in the shape of a knight, he just gets back up to keep fighting. But with the chest plate off he just sits there, equally impervious to curiosity as I reach up into the cavity where his body might’ve gone. Stubbornly, no answers are found anywhere in there.
So I forge him a new breastplate and on the inside, because I know he has plenty of room, I put a little pocket. Not big enough to hold anything functional of course. Just a little extra piece to see what he’ll do with it.
He comes back next time with some grievous injury to his nothing, presumably from the massive shredded gash across his thigh plates. He sits and waits. I fix it for him. He is still nothing in there. I decide to add a drawing on the inside, of the type of beast I imagine could rend metal into scraps with a single blow. He puts it back on. He no longer moves as if he is injured.
Over time the interior of the knight becomes decorated with whatever odds and ends I could think to attach to the inside of a guy who’s got room to carry it. What really gets me is that he never removes any of it. Never requests a change. Not even when I installed a curtain rod for a small tapestry, or a bud vase to carry roses for his beloved, or an accordion folder for letters. He didn’t say a word for any of the many, many drawings of mythical beasts that now fight forever inside of his shell.
There are plenty of other forges. I’m not entirely sure why he keeps coming back here anyway. We’re pretty popular, but he could get his armor fixed a lot quicker (and with fewer ridiculous modifications) literally anywhere else. I asked him if I could get a look at his nothing again. He flipped up his visor and nodded his head so I could take a look. It was the same as it had been, filled with drawings and trinkets and weird little fixtures I’d put in there. I asked if he was annoyed by it, or liked it, or felt anything at all, but he literally only ever says nothing, so I’m not sure why I asked.
There’s not much room left in his nothing now. When he comes back for repairs I’ve had to fix my own foolish additions. Some of these pieces are intricate and irritating to repair, but I fix them anyway. It feels wrong to take any of it away from him now, even though I’ve been rudely encroaching on his nothingness to the point where it’s barely even there. How he squeezes his nothing back into a body so full, I’ll never understand. But it’s a game to me now, finding a spot not yet filled and putting something there. A dark part of me wonders if he ever gets filled up completely, if whatever sorcery holds the nothing-knight together may break, and it will all clatter unceremoniously to the floor.
When he hands me his breastplate yet again, it is so shockingly disfigured that I wonder if being made of nothing has somehow kept him alive. No ordinary knight could sustain such injuries. So I fix it. And he waits, unmoving, in a quiet corner of the forge. It’s like he’s watching, even though I know the reading glasses I put inside his helmet were just for fun. I’m careful to put it all back exactly the way it was when he last left. There’s no room to add more this time.
He examines the breastplate, and pauses before putting it back on, like he’s looking for something. Is he worried about the fit? But it suits him just as it always did. He calmly points to a little space, about an inch, between a miniature shelf and one of many pockets. There’s nothing there. I ask him what’s wrong, and again he points. It’s the most emotion I’ve ever seen from him, and it’s barely anything at all. I take it to mean he wants something there.
I spend some time engraving a little snail in the gap. He watches, as much as nothing can watch. When I’m finished he holds the breastplate, but he doesn’t put it on right away. I ask him if something’s still wrong. He says nothing, and puts it on. I tell him I can’t add anything else. Even if he could ask, there’s no room left.
Next time he comes back, there’s nothing wrong with his armor—he lets me check to make sure. I ask him what he’s doing here. Out from one of many pockets, he retrieves a tiny rusted knife. It’s in miserable condition, barely worth saving. I tell him I could make him a nice new one, but I’ll fix it if he likes. He puts it away and reaches around to find something else, a needle and thread. Better condition, but I’m not a sewist and I tell him as much. He puts them away. He then retrieves a little twisted piece of wax paper. I open it. It’s candy. I ask if I can eat it. He says nothing. I eat it. It’s flavored with cinnamon. I’m surprised he let me take it.
He keeps bringing me candy now. His armor is the most laborious to repair out of every client my forge serves, but it’s my own fault so I can’t complain. Sometimes he keeps me company while I work. I wonder if he is trying to tell me something when he hands me mints. I wonder again at the lemon lozenges. He stares at me when I eat, as much as nothing can stare.
One day he brings me a little jar of honey. I thank him, I tell him I’ll save it for dinner. He watches me work, he puts his repaired armor back on, and he stays. My shift passes slowly, and when I finally pack up to leave it’s dark outside. He follows me out of the forge. I ask him where he’s going. He points to the jar in my hand. I ask him if he wants to watch me eat it. He says nothing, but the nothing-knight clearly wants something, so I open the lid and dunk my finger in the honey. I try not to get any on my chin. He stands there, inches away, watching me try to consume this jar of honey without a utensil. It tastes like clovers. About half the jar is left when I’ve finally had enough of pretending to be a bear, but he doesn’t move to leave.
I ask if he’s going to follow me home. He says nothing. I tell him he can if he wants to. Again, nothing. I start walking, and he follows at my side. I know he’s not going to say anything ever, so I fill the silence. I tell him I’m grateful for the sweets, I tell him about how his various components are made, I tell him I’ve never met anyone made of nothing before. I tell him it’s a rare opportunity for a smith to work so much on the inside of something. He says nothing. I tell him again how much I like the candy.
It occurs to me that maybe filling me with sugar is as close as he can get to filling someone else’s empty armor with trinkets. I’m not sure if that’s really why he does it. I tell him I don’t have room to be filled with anything on the inside, not like him. I’m not a container for much besides food. He offers me another piece of candy. Maybe he likes containing something, the way I like to feel full. Maybe it’s nothing at all.
—
I didn’t edit this even a little bit. Thanks for reading!
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“if you love this character then you must make him happy in your fics, right?” wrong. the horror. suffering. internal hemorrhage. hospital. immediately
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My new sticker destroy godzilla!!!! i redraw a meme with my artstyle ( soon i ll post a catalogue of my print with prices if you want to support me) i love how it came up
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The demonization of actual charities/orgs in favor of individual GFMs has done nothing but stripped marginalized people of their privacy + dignity by forcing them to become internet celebrities in order to get their needs met as opposed to an org that could privately help them if said org had the funding!!!! Also it’s why people feel the need to go as far as to fake their own kidnappings just to get traction! Not to mention it’s just made the lives of grifters so much easier
To circle back, who benefits more from this? The 65 year old drug addicted woman on skid row who can’t read or the young hot gen z college kid with 10k tiktok followers? This bastardization of “mutual aid” combined the constant like mining dopamine cycle social media has done almost irreparable damage to young wokey people especially young people of color.
Making every poor person dance for the internet in order to get their snazzy twitter begging flyer traction will only set people up for long term failure.
Imagine: I’m a young person down on her luck so I beg on twitter with my real name and face along with every personal detail, I get my coin, I am actually able to put myself through schooling but now whenever an employer googles me they can find this incredibly personal information about me!
I have nothing but sympathy for people who are in a position where they urgently need money and need it fast but we should instead put that money towards orgs whose whole job is to PRIVATELY help people
Ok both of the above are great suggestions, but that’s a lot of work to do all that vetting yourself. You can also check with Charity Watch to see what their rating and recommendation is.
Donate with confidence. Get detailed information about your favorite charities. CharityWatch is America's most independent, assertive charit
You can also consider giving to an Umbrella Nonprofit. These groups distribute funds to much smaller orgs that may have trouble reaching a large audience on their own. The most well-known of these is The United Way which has over 1,000 individual charities it distributes funds too. You can often designate your donations this way - either to be distributed to charities all who serve a cause, or to specific charities only.
Direct giving is fine, but your dollars are far more impactful if distributed through a non-profit network. So give directly to people you know personally, but there’s a reason why these charities and more importantly things like rating systems and watchdogs exist and that’s precisely to ensure your dollars end up where they can make the largest impact.
The other thing is, if a charity is doing work that you support ... money is not the only way to support them. Your time and energy might in fact be more valuable to them than your money.
Find a charity in your area that supports a cause you do. See where they need volunteers. Show up and help. Get involved. You will have a sense of accomplishment, you might make friends, and you will have a much better idea of what the charity is doing than any amount of websites or other tools can tell you.
One little note of caution I would insert here -- the issue of vetting charities (and people who profess reluctance to give to charities) often ends up focusing on fears around "overhead". CharityWatch in particular is all about monitoring overhead.
Overhead, for those who don't know, is the expenses a non-profit has that aren't directly on programs that fulfill its purpose. For instance, non-overhead spending at a food pantry would be purchasing discounted food from a supermarket; overhead costs might be rent on the space, payment for the electricity to run the refrigerators, or paying staff to write grants or plan and throw a fundraising event.
People have a lot of feelings about charities spending on overhead, because they feel like "but I wanted my money to go to people who need help, not to buying toilet paper for the office!" Which I get on an emotional level, even if I fundamentally disagree with it. And sure, a mismanaged charity probably will spend a high proportion of its funds on overhead. But that doesn't mean that overhead is a bad thing in and of itself, and that you should base your decisions on it. It's better for non-profits to be staffed by full-time workers than by volunteers, and it's better for those workers to be adequately compensated in offices that are taken care of than for them to be living paycheck-to-paycheck and needing the assistance of other charities.
As an alternative to Charity Watch, you could try Charity Navigator, which ranks charities by things like:
- how do they develop their programs and monitor their impact?
- how do they maintain accountability for their spending and how public is their financial information?
- What feedback do they collect from the communities they serve and how do they use it?
It's a more complicated ranking system, so there's more reading involved, but it's all in one place and it avoids the trap of assuming that all overhead is 'wasted' spending.
I need some sleep. @scienceoftheidiot - Tumblr Blog | Tumlook