AKA wellsandberingberingandwells. Holy shit I accidentally deleted the tumblr I had for like a decade! I've come back for the laughs, the friends, and the annual Bering and Wells Gift Exchange. Yes, I am a person who causes things like this to happen often. At least this profile doesn't say I'm 25 anymore!
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Maryland's Mallows Bay, is a designated national marine sanctuary, has an intriguing history. This 18-square-mile park is filled with the remains of over 100 wooden, flat-bottom ships from World War I, making it the largest ship graveyard in the Western Hemisphere. Today, it is a wildlife oasis.
I did the usual "hmm, is this real, tell me more" about this and found the Mallows Bay Shipwreck Water Trail site, which has photos, videos, and also 3D models of the shipwrecks! Super cool.
[Image description: Three images of shipwrecks in murky green water. In the top image, three ships are nestled together, all covered in plants. In the middle image, the outline of a ship and some structures on it are visible as dark lines through the water. In the last image, there are many ships together, their outlines more visible in some areas than others.]
For those of you who aren't familiar, I live in an exceptionally flammable part of the United States, and despite the fact that every goddamn year multiple parts of my state catch fire, destroy homes and kill people, the local assholes insist on getting drunk and setting fire to a bunch of illegal explosives anyway.
In 2023, God granted me a Miracle that prevented my house from burning down.
Last year, I had to resort to Psychological and Chemical Warfare to keep the patriotic arsonists at bay.
This year is apparently An Important Birthday for the clusterfuck we have the nerve to call a nation, so despite the fact there is so much smoke in the air that the sun has literally been blood red for the last week, the pyrotechnic fetishists are out in force.
Last year, I hit upon the concept that if my neighbors were going to act like problem animals, it would make sense to use the management techniques on them that you might use on say, a Bear that was doing serious property damage. Thusly, I created The Stench, a nontoxic but FOUL smelling concoction that I could discretely spray around the flammable gatherings and render the area extremely uncomfortable to occupy for the rest of the night, forcing them to give up or move on.
If this seems harsh:
There is no story from 2024 because a grass fire was started by fireworks less than 12 miles from me and the high winds put me in the evacuation zone in under an hour.
Over fifty people lost their homes.
Errant fireworks burning my house down is a very real possibility, and I pay the price in anxiety and insurance premiums.
The Stench is noxious but harmless, and also very effective at building a buffer zone around my home. But sneaking up to parties on foot in this heat is both exhausting and nerve-wracking. There have to be more effective ways to do this
-And there is!
It involves Weeds and Business Cards :)
All of this spring, I've been battling Bindweed and my City Code Enforcement Officers.
The city code people have been professional, but the truth is that one of my neighbors is calling them on use because one of my housemates is transgender. It's extremely grating to get these notices, having to explain repeatedly that I *AM* working on the weed situation, I just have a heart condition and No Money. It's also deeply paranoia-inducing to know that the city is regularly coming by and photographing my house.
The Solution to the Bindweed is 1 gallon of high-concentration vinegar, half a cup of Borax, a quarter cup of salt, and a couple tablespoons of dish soap. Get one of those weed sprayers from a hardware store and mix it up in there. Spray it on your thistles, bindweed, kudzu, garlic mustard or whatever your local herbaceous invasive is on a day with bright sunlight, and in a few hours the entire part of the plant above the soil is Deceased. It's non-toxic to insects, pets and wildlife (just wait a few months before trying to plant anything in the area for the traces to wash out).
The only real downside to this stuff is that it smells HEINOUS.
Sure, The Stench is nauseating, but WeedFucker 5000 is genuinely painful to inhale. Again, it wont hurt people- even my asthmatic housemates can use the stuff- but boy howdy it sure smells toxic. I've got the ingredients for about 40 gallons of WeedFucker 5000 prepared and ready to go.
I've also got a disposable hazmat suit, rubber boots and gloves, respirator, goggles and a shitty little golf cart from the free section of craigslist to haul my shit around in.
I also have Business Cards!
See, the very nice officers from the City Code department left some Very Nice business cards so that I may contact them about "the fucking bindweed is gone, get off my back".
So I scanned the business card into my computer, fired up Clip Studio, and made my own business cards. I've turned my City's Abstract Triangle Logo into an Eye of Providence and the slogan of "E Pluribus Unum" to "E Plurbis Anus", Changed my city's name to a dumb pun, and stated the card originates from "The Department Of Public Nuisances".
Crucially, where the name and contact information of the real city employee has been replaced with the name and business email of the neighbor who has been bragging on facebook about calling the city code department on my home because he hates my housemate :)
It looks, at a glance, very much like the business cards of city employees. If you look at it for like 5 seconds though, there's no way it could be mistaken for the real thing.
I've printed out 500 of these bad boys and will have them on hand as I, a put-upon employee, am forced to work overtime on a national holiday doing weed mitigation, because my boss can't manage deadlines for shit.
You're mad about it? I've been out here since 5 AM! But if we don't finish by the deadline we lose the contract and I could get fired. You know what the economy is.
Here, this is my Boss's Business card- how about you send him an email about how this has ruined your barbecue?
It's golden hour now, so I'm Suiting Up and preparing to embark on some civil service in the form of Noxious Weed Eradication, and by coincidence, Fire Mitigation.
I'll report back later Tonight🫡
(If you'd like to support your local disabled storyteller in their Acts Of Public Service, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or supporting me on Patreon)
Well.
It's not quite an hour into July 5th.
I am very tired, may have destroyed my sense of smell, and am not sure if I'm proud of or VERY disappointed in my fellow citizens.
On one hand: FAR fewer fireworks parties this year!
- Only nine to last year's thirteen
- three of them had the good sense to be firing their recreational explosives out over the local reservoir
- That's far from foolproof
- and really bad for the fish
- also y'all are RIGHT NEXT to where the Bald Eagles are nesting
- but congratulations on at least attempting some risk mitigation!
On the other hand.
Absolutely NOBODY questioned why the hell I was out spraying weeds.
- In a Hazmat Suit (technically it's a coverall for painting rooms, which is much more breathable, but looks the part)
- In a Residential Area
- After Dark
- On a Federal Holiday
Like I'm glad I didn't get into a fight or something, but like.
I was Ready.
I had that conversation locked and loaded.
I MADE BUSINESS CARDS.
...But instead of Very Reasonably asking What The Fuck I Was Doing, the crowds at these parties saw me (5'0" flat, potato-shaped, sweating profusely) trundling up on the slowest and least-intimidating motor vehicle in the county*, hanging a bit out the side to spray thistles and bindweed on the streets and sidewalks**, and instead of raising a rival stink, I was instead greeted by some derisive muttering and a couple of "OH COME ON!"s, but the groups dispersed and retreated indoors or at least away from the general direction of my home.
*Like genuinely, I think Barbie's Dream Car has more horsepower than this golf cart. This thing doesn't have horsepower. It doesn't even have ponypower. It's running on duckpower. It waddles, something I didn't know a wheeled vehicle could do.
**Actually completely legal and a welcome community service in my city. Thank you Neighbor Barbara for telling me the exact part of city code that details what civilians are allowed to do about weeds on public roads, which is apparently "LOTS". Theoretically I could bill the city for my time tonight.
Do people not know how to Make A Scene anymore?
I was absolutely sure I was going to get filmed and shit thrown at me, or someone would call the cops. My beloved was terrified I was going to get shot. I at least had ONE woman shout "YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING!" at me, which isn't quite as good as being told I'm ruining Christmas, but she said it with a genuinely heartwarming anguish while gesturing to a homemade "HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!!" banner, with an attempt at rendering The Evil Orange that as so enthusiastically yet talentlessly executed I almost stopped to get a picture of it. He looked like he'd been put in a wafflemaker.
I promised my beloved that I would turn around and come home at midnight, and I did, having eliminated every fireworks party and Scottish thistle in a five-block radius despite the lackadaisical maximum speed of my Steel Steed.
The complete lack of protest is honestly shocking to me. My flabbers are completely gasted. I waddled home on the golf cart in a sort of stunned silence that this HAS worked so well. The whole world is almost eerily quiet, and reeking of vinegar.
...Which is maybe why I didn't notice the cop pulling up beside me at a red light until he rolled down his window and leaned out at me.
"WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'?" He asked, in a voice that could be used as a foghorn in emergencies.
I probably would have jumped were I not currently melting into a semblance of the Chernobyl Elephant's Foot in the heat, which was the first thing that saved me.
The second was the voice of my Grandfather, coming to my aid through decades of generational memory, to tell me his words of wisdom, usually spoken right before doing something wildly inadvisable:
The Age Of Miracles Is Not Yet Over.
"Weed Mitigation!" I called back.
"CHRIST ON A BIKE, THEY GOT YOU GUYS WORKING THE HOLIDAY TOO?" He said, in the same fontissimo as before. Apparently Officer Foghorn just talks like this.
"Yep." I nodded.
"SHIT." He blared in solidarity. "WHEN DO YOU GET OFF?"
"Just finished."
"MOTHERFUCKER. THEY GOT ME OUT HERE UNTIL GODDAMN 5 AM." Officer Foghorn whined in THX.
"Shit." I commiserated.
The light turned green.
"ALRIGHT YOU GET HOME SAFE! GOD BLESS!" He waved, and drove off at something significantly above the speed limit, and I trundled on home.
I must have still looked shocked when I came in, because My Beloved immediately got up to hug me and ask if I was alright.
"The Age Of Miracles Is Not Yet Over." I nodded slowly as the animals all battered me about the legs for attention. "...For real though, absolutely nothing happened."
"What?" he squints, wobbling slightly as Charlie tries to shove him aside for better access to me. "That's... Is it weird to say I'm almost disappointed?"
"I mean, I confirmed that I inherited my Grandfather's supernatural ability to get out of trouble for no good reason, but we knew that from the code enforcement people." I shrugged. Selene finally noticed the smell of vinegar and retched in disapproval.
"How about a shower and some Ice cream?" My Beloved suggests.
So now it is July the 5th.
- My house is not ablaze
- There are four medium-sized carnivores sleeping on me
- I am freshly bathed
- and I have a pint of Americone Dream all to myself
Here's to you, your health and your happiness, and a reminder to go make good trouble. Goodnight all.
---
(If you enjoy reading about my adventures (and the occasional curious non-adventure) I'd appreciate it if you could tip me on Ko-Fi. Apparently my Patreon link is fucked but it's basically 1 in the morning and I can't be arsed.)
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repeat after me. humans are not inherently evil humans are not like a virus on this earth humans do not “deserve” to go extinct or anything like that. we are living breathing animals that deserve space just like every other creature on this planet. there’s just a tiny amount of us that have a fuck ton of money and power and they really suck
I'd like to add that getting mired in this mindset makes it harder to actually change the way we interact with this planet. If we're a "parasite", and it's inevitable that we'll damage the natural world, than what's the point of trying to be better? It's just another form of inaction. The only way we get out of this is by acknowledging that we're part of the global ecosystem, and embracing that role with responsibility.
I'll throw in the wonderful Eizin Suzuki into this ring too, a man whose work just breathes light without actually using dynamic lighting in the usual way. It's no surprise both Nagai and Suzuki are both considered prolific in art pertaining to the city pop genre because they're able to paint these kinds of scenes with a delicate touch.
This feels like I could trip on that radio and fall right into that water, feeling the crystal waves as I drop in.
And this, a nice stroll down a resort strip, where my sunscreened skin could literally feel cooked if I leaned too close to the tiling.
And then a nice stretch of summer street, wherein you could see your face in the flushed red of that car provided it didn't blind you from its sunny reflections.
I don't think I even need to say anything more, Suzuki's a massive influence in how he even places colours so warmly in such unorthodox manner. It's a naturally sunkissed talent~ 🌊
I don't know whether or not this is true, but I'm reblogging this because we live in a world where the third search result when I tried researching the validity of this information was a link to an article about a weight loss product.
The second search result had included the slur "ob*se" in the title of the article.
There are seriously people who tell me fat people aren't oppressed. Meanwhile, trying to find information about how to keep a fat person from drying in a car crash is met with links to products that make dirty money off of how society views my body.
"Seatbelt should be across your hips rather than your stomach for everyone, but i think it's more common for fat people to wear seatbelts over the stomach
Pelvic bones are strong and sturdy, and you're going to be MUCH less likely to injure internal organs and such when you suddenly slam into a nylon belt"
Text and photos by @thejacespace
I wanted to put both of these reblogs in one reblog chain since this is helpful information. Thank you both for giving more information than fatphobic Google did.
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It's kinda fucked up how much later success in life hinges on circumstances of birth. Ofc as per your experience, one bad accident can completely derail someone's life, but it really just messes with my head thinking abt it. I'm doing fine for myself presently but it's sorta frustrating to think about what things could have been if my parents had a little more resources and knew what a neurodevelopmental disorder was... they certainly pushed me to do well in school but they never seemed to actually have an idea on what went into it besides Quietly Sit at Desk for Many Hours and Study.... And I remember the kids at my high school who were faring much, much worse and I can't help but wonder where are they now... they certainly deserved much more than whatever bullshit they were born into
Oh yes, that's why I am constantly warning people to not mistake privileges and disadvantages of identity with actual lived experience.
I have ADHD. I am also blessed and extremely privileged within the sphere of people with ADHD to have two parents who are familiar with the needs of neurodiverse kids AND the education system, who made enough money to provide not only a safe home but also have the connections to provide the additional tutoring and therapy a kid like me needed, who were willing to go to bat for me if I reported unfair treatment at school, and while I may have my own complaints about the way I was raised I can see very clearly that I had it a lot better than most of my other peers with ADHD. Especially those of color, who often did not have the stability in the home, who were often subjected to levels of poverty I only experienced as an adult or worse, whose parents even if supportive were in way over their head and did not know how to provide help.
I did not earn any of this. My story is one of privilege due to circumstances at birth, not hard work. Most kids with ADHD are just as smart if not smarter than I was- they just don't have the support system, and even kids who do have the support system tend to crash and burn once that safety net disappears- much like I did after getting hit by a car on my bike in college and obliterating my chances of graduation and a cushy job.
Growing up so close to a special ed classroom re: my mother's specialty and education within the justice system re: my father, as well as disability advocacy and political theory regarding class warfare and race, it's easy for me to see how if many of these "problem students" with ADHD just had a few of the things I had they could be in a much different place... or if I had less than what I had and how that would have changed my life. This type of first hand experience shaped my own understanding of privilege and oppression- how I keep saying it's all one big web and tugging on a single string does nothing except make the structure shiver.
In high school, I was often accused by other kids with ADHD to be faking, because I had gone off my meds and was still mostly functional in class. What they didn't see was all that structure and foundation laid by my privileged experience, so when I removed a support beam it only sagged a little. It doesn't matter that said support beam was rotting from the inside (due to other medical conditions I was not having a good time with my meds)- it mattered to them that I was stating I had ADHD but not visibly struggling with the rest of them. The sad thing is that none of them had to struggle at all. If they had been giving the opportunities that I had, they also may have never become "problem students" in the first place. If they had been given what I had, most of them would have graduated high school with decent grades and stayed out of trouble and been able to get decent jobs. Instead, most of them have never graduated, been arrested or even gone to prison, became addicts, some even killed or committed suicide, and almost none of them went to college or secured a better job than bagging groceries.
It frustrates me endlessly when people take stories like mine and point to these disadvantaged kids and say see, he did it, why can't you? Well, I didn't do it alone, and I didn't really "do it" considering I also never finished college and have an entry-level job and wanted to kill myself for a long time. I did well in school because I received the support I needed in order to do well in school. Shaking your finger at kids with zero support and asking why they haven't tried harder doesn't help in a situation where it wasn't my effort that made it happen.
ID: a painting of a lighthouse against a vivid pink, purple, and orange sunset. The clouds are painted with very textured brushstrokes. The lighthouse and headland are cast in bluish-purple shadow and the ocean is shades of blue. End ID.
a ton of people have unexpectedly followed me over the last 2 days so here is my rent-lowering gunshot:
the american south is the most racially diverse and poorest region of the united states, and any political sentiment that treats the south is stupid or expendable is inherently racist and classist. a lot of y'all are racist and classist. the south is also the heart of american culture. argue with a wall. you cannot deny that everybody in the entire world does not emulate artists from atlanta. there is vested interest in keeping the south poor and uneducated BECAUSE this is the most racially diverse region in this country. if you actually give a fuck about progress, you would fight for the south, not mock us.
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this already exists. it's called Deltron 3030, a supergroup between rapper Del the Funkee Homosapien (who most of y'all only know from the Gorillaz song "Clint Eastwood" but has a much larger and greater catalog), producer Dan the Automator, and DJ Kid Koala.
In 2000, they released a self-titled concept album set in the year 3030, about a former mech soldier and hacking master named Deltron Zero, who plans to use his skills to create a virus to shut down the corporate overlords suppressing hip-hop culture and human rights, all while he takes part in rap battles to become Galactic Rhyme Federation Champion.
Whole album is dope, and it's down below. A masterpiece in the scene of underground hip-hop.
gummygunk
vaporwave
theartofmadeline
