20 years and counting

I find that I like asking a lot of questions about people I care about. I think they’re so amazing and I want to listen to them and figure them out like a speciality puzzle.

But the reciprocation of this is nonexistent and it makes me miss my last friendship that I had this dynamic with that’s almost been gone for ten years.

one of the despairing things about not being attractive is lapping up scraps of attention. falling for someone because they reply to your messages and laugh at your jokes.

the moment they show you any type of affection, you’re done. your heart is theirs. you bitterly glare down at the pitter patter in your chest when you talk to them. because you know it’s so easy for you to love others, but somehow it’s so hard for others to love you.

reaching through the hopeless, heavy dusk. their hands meet.

- I will either find a way or I will make one

[Rage is a quiet thing

You think that you've tamed it

But it's just lying in wait

Oh, rage

Is it in my veins?

Feel it in my face when

When I least expect it]

The meat tenderiser is broken

-necked so, I must soften

the beef with my father’s

hands, marrow-thick

with knowledge

the meat must be beaten

brutal into tenderness.

That anybody softens

with violence.

Another morning and I wake with thirst for the goodness I do not have.

Rage & it’s violence.

— portrait taken from @rawrrkiyomi (1) Mad Honey Symposium, Sally Wen Mao. (2) Anais Nin. (3) Venetian Smile by Richard Burlet (4) Simmer from Petals for Armour by Hayley Williams. (5) Cover art for the florence + the machine/ethel cain collab Morning Elvis by Peegpin. (6) Wound from the mouth of a wound, Torrin A. Greathouse. Thirst, Mary Oliver. (7) Mark Rothko, Untitled, 1952 (8)

let AO3 decide!