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l can't really explain what's going on inside my head, but what I can say is that whatever it is, it's beating me down right now.

and just like that, I'm back in the same place I fought so hard to get out of

Can't sleep. Can't wake up. Can't remember the last time I felt like myself. My thoughts are loud but my mind is empty. Food doesn't taste the same anymore. Conversations feel far away, like I'm watching my own life happen without me. I'm tired in a way sleep doesn't fix. Days blur together until weeks disappear. It's Monday, then somehow it's Sunday again. Everyone else keeps moving forward, and I'm standing still, pretending I'm okay while quietly losing pieces of myself I don't know how to get back.

I can’t explain what goes on in my head anymore

I woke up in a stranger's house

nobody talks about the fact that you can have all this crazy shit in your head, and want to open up and talk about your feelings but no matter what, you just can't make out the right words and properly put your thoughts and emotions into words

I don’t know how to do this anymore. I don’t know how to get better. My head is a dark place and it only gets worse, day by day. and I have no idea how to stop the darkness from coming in. I have no idea how to save myself anymore.

I don't want to be this broken anymore, but pain feels like home.

This house does not feel like home

Another year is over. Time flies by. Shit happens. People come and go, some stayed and some did not. This year has literally been an adventure, with a lot of downs but with some ups too. I do not regret anything this year, but me being lazy as fuck and letting my life slip away. To be honest, I thought this was the year that my life was over. I lost myself. I really did not want to live anymore. Not only was music there for me. I also have this incredible person in my life that helped me find happiness in life again. I still struggle every single day. But it gets better, eventually it all will, I guess, I hope. For now, whoever is reading this. I hope you have a great start in the New Year. May your dreams and your wishes come true. May you find the closure you seek or the feelings and happiness you need. Please stay strong. Please survive another year. It will be worth it. Here is to another year to find happiness in the little things.

Sleeping next to you is something I will never take for granted. Waking up in the middle of the night and being able to snuggle in closer or giving a kiss or just feeling your arms around me. Being able to drift off easier with you by my side, feeling safe, loved and knowing what we have and share is so special.

I want to scream and cry and die, all at the same time. It feels like my heart is being squeezed and it hurts so fucking much but it’s also so empty at the same time. I just want everything to fucking stop.

The weather has turned cold and the season of long sleeves has come

This is the loneliest I have ever felt