b dylan hollis quotes, in no particular order
“It’s butter on butter. No one tell Paula Dean, she’ll bust in like the Koolaid Man.”
“This is not—how can I say—RIGHT?”
“How did you come up with these ingredients? Did you just throw a grenade down aisle six??”
“Now the chickens are implicated.”
“The only thing this’ll rise up from is the dead.”
“Oh, it’s foaming… please stop growing.”
“Sorry hippies, I’m with Nixon on this one.”
“How long does sadness take to cook?”
“They say there’s a cookie for every occasion, and if so, then this must be the cookie for when you descend into psychosis.”
“To those who use Celsius… don’t.”
“I’m just gonna listen to the Texans.”
“Is the pudding related or did you just want a snack?”
“This pie is made of beans.”
“Ask your grandfather’s grandfather about it… Actually, don’t. You’d have to dig him up for that. He’d be kinda… soupy.”
“In the Great War people dug holes and threw things at each other. It’s a bit like a children’s sandbox… just with an abundance of missing limbs.”
“The La Croix method of adding flavor; just enough to make you realize what you don’t have.”
“You’re diluting peanut butter—to the Gulag!”
“If I have to beat anything else in this recipe, I’m going to be charged with domestic violence.”
“A lot of things start with potatoes: french fries, hashbrowns, famine.”
“Mrs Kirk, you’re my hero.”
“Look who’s fallen from grace. Shame.”
“Seriously, don’t disrespect the Irish, they can be mean.”
“It smells really festive, like febreeze in a crypt.”
“Here come the tears—like my mom after a glass of wine.”
“We start with a box of lime jello—the Abyss beckons.”
“One package of vanilla pudding, this one’s French… It’s given up. What a surprise.”
“I can only describe these as voluptuous.”
“‘But Dylan,’ you say, ‘what if I’m allergic to peanuts?’ Repent. You and your ancestors have obviously done something to deserve such a malady.”
*mouth full* “Everybody say thank you, Judy. You did a good job.”
“Now it says we can add sprinkles for the children. Screw that, this is for me.”
“Juice of a lemon—pretty exotic for Nebraska.”
“Prunes are just plums, post-mortem.”
“The Draugr of the fruit kingdom.”
“This stuff is stronger than my desire to drop out of college.”