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Sometimes you need to decide for that girl that she's better off as a dog.

When god closes a door I shove my sword through the gap at the bottom and swipe at his ankles

guy who has a mental health condition that comes and goes: i’m cured this time actually i can feel it

same guy when they start having symptoms again: what the fuck is happening and why

going to get my blood tested and dr acula and nurse feratu walk in. hope everything is ok

the problem with calling inanimate objects “girl” is that once you start you cannot stop. I said “girl” to the dishwasher because that bitch would not close no matter how hard I whacked her pussy. what is wrong with me

i love how jigsaw just fucking hates depressed people

hello john. i have noticed that you're depressed. that's fucking stupid. you will notice that your penis is in a mousetrap.

*lets out an evil laugh despite having just done something objectively nice*

hand guiding is actually the hottest thing in the world

had a dream i found a tape labelled “sex tape” and when i played it in a vcr it was just two fully clothed guys beating the shit out of each other with metal bats

sometimes i feel like im climing up this incline again alone but thankully sisypus and the itsy bitsy spider and here with me

holy shit is that kate bush

hello to all the beautiful exhausted intelligent resentful compassionate irritated women of the internet i love you