you share his face, his name, but you are not him. you walk around, a desecrated grave of him. just like the stone rememberance of him, you offer no warmth in your eyes and no mercy in your actions.

the foliage must have seeped in and taken over, growing something- someone else in his place. the man i loved is dead, as his killer invades his own body claiming the identity of the host.

a violation of trust

an abuse of vulnerability 

how can you forget the way someone spoke of you

when you weren’t there to see

how they mocked you

used your vulnerability and trust as a weapon

a joke

admitted to touching you in ways you were unaware of

thought of you in ways you can’t even fathom

and shared these thoughts with someone else

someone who only knew a betrayer’s version of you

a betrayer who didn’t care to really know you

who never listened

who didn't even like you

who didn’t know you

maybe no one knows you

no one ever gets it right

but then does that mean you don’t really know yourself?

this horrible questioning

of your own self

of everyone’s intentions

their secret actions

internal thoughts

always wondering and pondering and theorizing  

being right too many times is a curse

now you’ll always believe your own worst thoughts

they were right before

and then right again

and again

and so they’re probably right this time too

even if they’re delusional

what if

what if 

what if

the curse of being betrayed

deceived 

violated

you can’t trust your own judgement

your own feelings

what if you’re just falling into a trap again

does this mean you can simply never trust anyone ever again?

never entrust anyone with your vulnerability?

always filter yourself as a protective barrier?

always thinking of perception 

what this person will say to others behind your back

what they think and don’t share

unable to trust their words

unable to trust anything

anyone

even yourself

how do you get over a betrayal?