please wear your seatbelt

one time when i worked at a hotel i noticed that there was a reservation that day under the name Sweet Booty and me and my coworkers giggled about it. and then hours later some guy is trying to check in and we can’t find his reservation and he’s like “well my gf made the reservation, lemme call her” and he put her on speakerphone so she could read out the confirmation number and i was absolutely thrilled to ask “is it the reservation for Sweet Booty?”

beyond the reinforcement of beauty standards and body fascism like, idk how many people realize Botox is a specific brand name, and that brand in question has donated over $135,000 USD to Republican politicians in the past year alone. yknow the people that regularly vote to defund planned parenthood.

and another thing but like this is also why all feminists need to be pro fat liberation cuz shit like this puts pregnant fat people's lives at risk, even when they do access abortions they are often referred out to a hospital with a longer wait and a steeper bill, and often denied pain management. these stories coming out from fat women lately tryna access care alongside PP now selling the beauty standard to women feels interconnected and predatory.

labubu was meant to be hanging off a kindergartners backpack filthy as fuck with no eyes left

Cannot overstate how many flavours of bullshit disguised as political opinion can be shut down by “none of my business” or “don’t be rude”

eyes emoji was the perfect invention for nosy people. like 👀 whats going on over here 👀👀 i just wanna know #LetMeKnow 👀👀👀

Jumping from child care to private security really messes with you. I keep saying "oopsie daisy" and encouraging drunk folks to "go home, drink some water and take a nap, and let's try again in 24 hours, okay?" Best part by far is that it's working. Guy went like he was going to fight me the other day and his buddy said "you leave the nice lady alone"

The flip side of "children are human" is that hey a bunch of things that work on kids also work on adults who would've guessed.

I have a folder on my work computer labeled "approving GIFs" and when one of the project managers or engineers does something helpful (or does something correctly the first time I ask), I send them an approving GIF. When I had to work in an office, I gave out actual gold star stickers for the same reasons.

the version of you from five years ago would be genuinely amazed by what you’ve handled since then. sit with that for a second

its wild how puppys can just be two days old. hey man whatd you get up to over the weekend i wouldnt know i wasnt even there type beat

What do you guys do for work. Job share time. I want to know

never kill yourself . your next apple could be so good it makes you feel like a horse

Like you can get perverted about basically every arbitrary topic. But all writing is already masturbation, and we all know masturbation is better the more perverted you are. So, you gotta get perverted about words, or at least language. Sentence structures? Sure, whatever. Just, get weird and sexual about it. Kinky and stuff. It's important.

No you don’t understand. This is my best friend I met because we’re both really into torture

there are many fat gay women which is basically awesome

clap. clap for fat gay women