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fandom etiquette as a whole died when people who didn’t grow up on fandoms became stans during lockdown, yes, but why am i seeing people openly mocking fics on twitter. why am i seeing screenshots of fics with captions like “bro what is this 😭.” why am i seeing people mock fic writers for not knowing how sports or theater or college or any other organization operates in the real world.
“college is absolutely nothing like this” “why are we writing four people on the team scoring a hat trick in one game” “so tech work is nothing like this, hope that helps!”
if you don’t like a fic, and if you can’t suspend your belief enough to enjoy a fic that exaggerates or ignores real-world orgs, you don’t have to read it. you don’t have to screenshot it and put it on blast for twitter. you don’t have to post a link to it in the replies. the back button is literally there on your phone. it’s not giving baby’s first fandom anymore, it’s giving entitled asshole and it isn’t as cute as you think it is.
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Love the layover bc where else am I going to get nearly 20 minutes of ben and adam trying to explain the appeal of polyamory to sam despite none of them having any idea what they're talking about.
i made another jltg fanvid! this one's to Heads Carolina, Tails California by Jo Dee Messina. it was harder than the last one i made just bc the song is much more syncopated and has less uniform line length but i definitely learned a lot from making it and im excited to share w the world! ^w^
it is always very funny when someone goes "how can ANYONE not like this thing when it's literally—" and then proceeds to list off the reasons I don't like the thing.
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the thing about irene adler is like yeah yeah one million posts about how holmes isn't interested in her & vice versa etc etc this is absolutely true. but another significant thing about her character To Me is that she is a crossdresser, and not just for this particular story but like she states she frequently crossdresses & passes as a man in public just for fun. she says in her note to holmes "Male costume is nothing new to me. I often take advantage
of the freedom which it gives. I sent
John, the coachman, to watch you, ran
up stairs, got into my walking-clothes,
as I call them, and came down just you departed." she is also a contralto opera singer which as I understand it particularly in the 19th century means she almost definitely would have been playing breeches roles. and it's true that she usually appears in daily life as a beautiful woman and this is particularly played up through holmes & watson's very narrow & assumptive view of her but as I've said elsewhere it is specifically through her ability/habit of being gender nonconforming that she fools holmes for the second time. so like this is also an meaningful part of her character! and it's another thing that always annoys me adaptionally when this gets forgotten. anyways the only valid & true additions by adaptions are 1) granada holmes (has a scene of her dressed up as a man at a gentleman's club with the king) and 2) that bbc audio drama (has a scene where she proposes going walking with the king dressed as a man & we get "kiss me. well? what are you waiting for?" "I want to remember this moment, I never kissed a man before")
also okay maybe a little problematic but I do really enjoy leaning into the gender aspect of why the king is anxious about getting the letters & photographs back. like not just because she's an unsuitable woman in the sense that she was an opera singer & because their relationship may have been a little risque but also that he is becoming king & getting married & trying to fit into this spotless patriarchal public figure role & is afraid of this sort of. well not strictly queer but not entirely gender conforming or heterosexually respectable situation from his past (if she passes so easily as a man. has he been in situations with her where she has been doing so?). and like. well. we never are told what exactly is in those photos !
generally speaking if someone of a non-christian religion talks to you about how great and benevolent their religion is and how its really about peace and charity and cultural traditions and an important positive force in their culture you should imagine a white evangelical from america's south saying the same thing and give them the exact same level of credulity.
I think I get what you’re gesturing at, but care to elaborate?
right now Doctors have far too much leeway to override patient autonomy for their own good. Involuntary psych holds, "can't give you a hysterectomy because you might want kids one day", the many things I've said about pain medications being gated behind the doctors eyeballing if you're addict, etc.
I mentioned wanting to get my nipples pierced. One of my friends was like "I thought you already had pierced nipples. Everything about you screams pierced nipples."
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many many can not extrapolate from the existence of a slogan to the idea that a more complicated policy position must exist. They hear ban cars and abolish the police and just? immediately assume the second half is “and replace it with nothing, put no resources into alternatives, do zero research, just get rid of these things and see what happens”
surely the most productive and intelligent way to do politicis is to simply repeat easily misunderstood or misrepresented slogans and never explain the actual policy position behind it, lecturing anyone who doesn't immediately imagine exactly what you imagine the slogan to mean. surely this will not leave rhetorical space for bad faith representations of your slogans!
Of course, this all presumes there is an actual policy position behind the sloganeering, which is wonderfully generous.
Just as an example, a series of policies I have all seen described as "land back" by supporters of "land back", none of which agree with each other.
We need to give all the land back. All of it. All land anywhere outside of Europe and Asia must be under indigenous ownership and/or governance and nobody else gets a say because it's not their ancestral land. Deportation optional.
2. What? How dare you assume I meant that. By "land back" I mean all forestry, fisheries, and agriculture must be managed through traditional indigenous methods. Indigenous people must be given a measure of control over land use to ensure this, not ownership or financial interests.
3. What? The problem is that indigenous peoples have been cheated out of the value of the land. We don't need to directly give them more land or more control; by "land back" I mean we should set aside a portion of general tax revenue as no-strings-attached transfer payments to indigenous governments and let them decide how to use it. They shouldn't have direct control of how anyone else uses the land, just a financial stake.
4. What? The problem is that reserves are tiny and by "land back" I do literally mean we should give indigenous people more land. Just not, like, all of it.
5. Hello! British Columbia here! Unlike large parts of Canada and the United States, the indigenous nations here never signed a treaty or surrender document officially ceding their land to the Crown. By "land back" I mean that under current law various nations and bands already have rights to more land in various regions, and we should work smoothly to solve the legal question of which land belongs to which nation and which belongs to the Crown.
6. Hello! I'm an environmentalist with no stake in indigenous self-governance or land ownership. I was going to protest this dam/mine/logging/pipeline anyway, but also I found half a dozen indigenous people who also don't like it so woo! Land Back Baby! You can't build here because it's not yours! (Nevermind the elected chiefs saying, "What? This project is great for our band!" I've decided they're sell-outs)
This is why it's important to say what you mean. You can't assume that anyone who finds one post you've made with a slogan knows the slogan's entire history and your stance and definition in particular. Especially when the policy you mean is not actually described by the slogan? Like I would never in a million years assume that someone saying "land back" meant "transfer payments from general revenue" if I had not seen someone explicitly state that was their definition earlier this month.
me sowing: haha this would be funny, to put a real situation i am in as a question for my favorite guys to answer
me reaping: oh my god help me
anyways here are the beautiful poly bounties of my birthday party question. my favorite birthday present ever. (LONG) transcript under cut.
Sam: Okay we have time for maybe two more.
Ben: Okay.
S: Do you have any favorites?
B: I like the ones that are like little stories.
Adam: Yeah, there's two that are like stories.
S: This one I haven't read through fully? D'you see the joeysnowy one? Do we do that one? I haven't read through it fully.
A: Yeah, this one's crazy.
S: (reading) "Okay, real and true life happenings," from joeysnowy, "My roommate and I are planning a joint birthday party this upcoming weekend wherein they are inviting almost everyone in their current dating setup to the party. This includes: their current girlfriend, their girlfriend's situationship--" What?? (hesitating) "their own, current situationship--"
A: Keep going, keep going.
B: There's more.
S: (giggling) "--and their situationship's fiancée. Of course, everyone here is aware of each other, and ready--" I assume, ex-situationship, right? Surely.
A: Nope, nope, keep going.
B: No, no.
S: What?!
A: Keep going.
S: (reading) "Everyone here is aware of each other, and ready to hang out fully--" (laughing) No-- It's another polyamory question--!
A: Yup, yup, keep going, keep going!
S: Okay. (laughs) Okay. "Of note, everyone here is aware of each other, and ready to hang out fully amicably, so it's not like a crazy cheating situation-- this is a full honest kitchen table polyamory. However, it's my birthday too!" (giggling) "And I'm feeling--" (wheeze) "And I'm feeling a little left out of the poly shenanigans, polynanigans?" in parentheses, "What's the best way to ensure I also have a good time at my own birthday party without feeling overshadowed by lovers everywhere?"
B: It's a difficult one.
A: Yep.
S: I don't-- think, as far as I know, any of us are very experienced in the intricacies of polyamorous relationships.
B: No…
A: No, but I think that we can answer this, just as, you know, people, doing our best. Um…
B: Well because, the person who's asking is not polyamorous. They're just surrounded.
A: Yeah, the person who's asking is just surrounded by this polyamory, right. So they have to figure out what to do.
S: Wait, so you think the question asker is not-- polyamorous at all?
B: Well, it's not implied.
A: They don't mention being polyamorous. The question asker is just roommates, and the roommate has all of this polyamory going on. Right?
B: Yeah.
A: And so the question asker is like, "I'm having a joint birthday party with my roommate, my roommate is bringing a very complex mix of polyamorous… people. Who are all connected to each other. And then also I'll be there.
S: I feel like the answer is fairly obvious, I think. Which is that the question asker needs to become polyamorous.
A: I think the question asker need to hook up with at least one of these people.
S: Right, yeah.
A: Get in the mix.
S: I mean maybe it's fine, to do it in like a monogamous way. I don't know the question asker's, kind of relationship status. But yes, I agree.
B: I mean I would feel pretty left out if this was my birthday party. See, but the problem is-- I actually, y'know, in college, I was surrounded by the good students of the Rhode Island School of Design, many of whom are in polycules. I had many a birthday full of polyamorous… lovers.
A: Here you go, okay, Ben, well, you've got it. You've got it. Answer!
B: I did! But, but. I don't know that I felt left out because they weren't all part of the same polycule. Right? Like, I think that's the thing. There's this whole group of people that's all got their thing going on! And you're just not a part of that group. Right?
A: Well, this person didn't specify-- hopefully there are other people invited to your birthday party, that isn't just your roommate, and all of your roommate's polyamorous friends. Would be my hope.
B: I think that is the key.
A: Like, ideally you can get a few people in there who aren't part of the polycule. Right.
B: Yeah. I mean maybe you just don't have that much room in your apartment, but frankly, if you don't have that much room in your apartment for you to have an equal number of people coming to this party, then that is simply not fair. And I think your roommate, despite their polyamorous ties, must not be able to bring all of these people. Or you have to find a different venue that can accommodate enough of your friends, and/or lovers. That you don't feel left out.
A: Yeah. I do think, the key here is that there need to be some people here who aren't part of the polycule. 'Cause I actually kind of think, that like, the polycule part of this can almost be set aside, and the fundamental issue you're dealing with is, "Am I gonna be at a birthday party that's for me and my roommate, but it's only people my roommate is close with?" Right? or like, it's sort of like, you know. You could even think of it, I feel like, as a group of friends. Like, if you're at a party, and all the people there are part of a circle of friends that you're not in, that would be difficult. Right. I think the fact that it's a polycule is not even necessarily… You know. The part of this that is difficult.
B: It heightens it. It heightens it.
A: It heightens it! I agree it heightens it. But I think, yeah, I think you gotta get some people outside of the polycule involved in this party. Right? Or! Or, frankly, maybe a joint birthday party is not the move. If that's not an option. Right?
B: Yeah. You might need your own birthday party.
A: Joint birthday parties are good when you have a lot of shared friends. Right.
B: mm-hm.
A: Joint birthday parties are less good if it's like, it's going to be all one person's friends, and you're there too.
S: Yeah, if you're not in the polycule, it doesn't sound good to do it joint. Do you think that like… I feel like, it would feel bad, in a polycule, to be like… I'm really not very knowledgeable in this, but I feel like it would feel so bad to be like, the situationship level person. When there's someone… Just knowing, so overtly, that you're like, tier two? In the relationship?
A: Maybe that's what you want. Because maybe you have your own primary, right?
S: Maybe.
B: I think it takes the pressure off.
A: You've got your own person who's your main partner,
S: Right.
A: and you've both got your secondary partners, to each other. But you've each got your main person. I think.
S: But is that always how it works?
A: I dunno.
B: No.
S: Does everyone always have a main person?
A: Not always. There's no rules.
S: 'Cause I feel like it would be awesome-- if you were open to polyamory, it would be awesome to be like, "Oh this person sleeps with so many people, or is in a relationship with so many people, but, they choose me. To be like their main one." You know?
B: Yeah.
A: You're number one.
S: That would feel awesome. But then the flip side of that, I feel, would feel so bad!
A: Well, but I don't know-- You're in this headspace, that I don't know that that's the case. Like, you might just be like-- I feel like, Sam you're approaching it from the mindset of someone who's not polyamorous. Right?
S: Right.
A: You have to approach it from a polyamorous mindset, of like, maybe this is totally chill for you, because you don't want this person to be your primary partner. They're just a casual thing for you and your primary partner's gonna be something else. Right? That's a different sitch.
S: Is there a difference between polyamory and being in an open relationship?
B: I think that polyamory would be the…
A: The umbrella term.
B: I think open relationships are one where people have one romantic partner, and they hook up with other people. But people who call themselves poly have multiple romantic partners.
S: Right.
A: I think that polyamory is an umbrella term that encompasses many, many different versions of having multiple romantic or sexual partners at the same time.
S: I just feel like it'd be-- In the version of this where it is multiple romantic relationships, not just sexual relationships. I just feel like that'd be very stressful. Like, maybe that's a loser mindset?
A: Well, I agree with you, but these people, clearly this is their preference, is to do it polyamory style.
S: I just feel like it's so upfront. It's just so overt how successful you are in your relationships. And I wouldn't like that. I like not knowing.
B: You like being a humble king.
S: Maybe. (hesitating) No, I just like to be delusional.
B: No, you're saying that it's like there's too much ranking.
A: You're saying that there's too much competition that's out in the open.
S: Right, exactly. It's like so overt.
B: Yeah.
S: Yes.
B: But it's not competition. And that's, y'know, you have to reach enlightenment.
S: But I feel like it would feel that way.
A: Right, I think that that's the thing. You're approaching it, Sam, from a scarcity-- You're trying to think about polyamory from a monogamous, like, scarcity mindset perspective. And I think that's the problem. Like, I think that if you like polyamory--
S: Do you think the mindset is like, the sum total of relationship? Like, you could feel satisfied if you have a lot of relationships, even if none of them are that deep?
A: I think surely for some people. Right? Surely for some people that that's something that they like. But I think it's a spectrum. It's gotta be a spectrum. What I'm saying is that I feel like what you keep expressing is like, a very like, zero-sum, competitive,
S: Sure.
A: mindset of polyamory, which I feel like is exactly the opposite of why a person would be polyamorous.
B: Mm-hm. Yeah. These people have transcended that.
A: Right.
S: That's amazing. mmkay.
A: Anyway. What's our answer. Our answer is either get some people who aren't in the polycule to the party, or, if you can't, you gotta hook up with somebody at that party. You gotta get in there.
B: Yeah. You gotta get in the polycule.
A: Get some skin in the game.
B: Like if you don't have enough friends, or lovers, you're gonna be overshadowed either way, get into the polycule.
A: Get in there.
S: Yeah. Even if you do it in a monogamous way.
A: Sure. Yeah. You can be monogamous with somebody in there, that's fine.
S: You can do monogamous sleeping around. That's allowed.
A: Great.
B: Yeah.
S: Y'know, as long as you're not-- in a closed relationship. But y'know. Yeah. That seems like a good place to end.
B: Okay, great.
A: I think we nailed that. I think we did great.
S: Kind of a climax of every "Ben Adam and Sam fix your Life"s--
A: Well there's a lot of climaxes going on in this situation (badum-tss)
B: Seemingly.
S: Look, it could just be a totally wholesome birthday party.
B: Hopefully not at the party.
S: Yeah. I hope it's completely PG. Wholesome birthday party. Y'know. Well. You're welcome, Internet.
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