Fastest Anhinga

"Haha your mom works in the asteroid mines" Martians think they're soooo funny well. I think it's funny your planet's named after the god of war but your muscles are so atrophied from low gravity you can't even throw a punch

I have never seen so few flies about. Just when I get a venus fly trap...

when you show up to the met gala you should immediately be faced with a panel of fashion experts and art historians before you even get to the red carpet and you have to explain your outfit choice and why it is on theme for that year’s event like you are defending a phd and if you can’t produce a coherent defence they turn you away at the door and the people of manhattan are allowed and encouraged to throw rotten produce at you as you get back into your car in shame

it’s graded on a curve so that you will specifically be judged with additional scrutiny if you are a man showing up in a monochrome suit

Handing the Google executive currently chained in my basement a piece of paper that reads "Shall I end your torture?" with one checkbox that reads "No" and another that reads "Maybe later."

It's so telling that all these people on Tumblr hate women who give men boundaries but say nothing about rape, murder, or human trafficking.

the obsession with hating harry potter is so funny. like no grown man on the internet, i dont want to watch your hour long video about how much you hate the world building of a childrens series.

absolutely boggles my mind how so many social media sites do NOT want you scrolling without an account. can't even click on an instagram profile while not being logged in without it blocking you. even if you put it in the url, it only lets you scroll like twice before it prompts you to log in. fucking youtube won't let me watch videos on my phone anymore because i use firefox focus and don't want to log in every time i wanna watch a video so it's instead flagged me as a bot. i also think social media sites are drastically overestimating how badly i "need" to use their sites. if you won't let me browse someone's profile or watch a damn video on the Browsing Profiles and Watching Videos social media sites then i will simply leave. the power of chucking your phone into the metaphorical ocean. i hope i hurt their metrics every time i close out of a tab <3

This is because, long time ago, social media sites stop being a service and started becoming as addictive as possible. If you don't log in, they can't get you hooked.