I keep blorbos in my pockets

Heated Rivalry Days of the Week

full credit goes to @gayhockeyshow:

The Metros have a separate group chat without Shane in it. He doesn’t know about it until after he comes out. He’s borrowing Hayden’s phone only for him to get a text from the chat calling him a several slurs. He opens the chat then and finds that most of it is just the team talking shit about him.

Hayden never participated and neither did jj but they didn’t intervene either and he also discovers that the chat has existed for almost as long as he’s been a part of the team.

He doesn’t mention it to Hayden or jj. Not to Ilya or his parents not even to rose.

He starts to notice things after that. How no one wants to sit close to him anymore, how the invite to go out never even enters the main chat anymore. How they look at him like he’s dirty or gum on the soles of their shoes.

He tries not to let it bother him, tries to ignore it, but even so he can’t pretend he didn’t see the comments about his hair, his body or his skill. His race. It wasn’t just shit about his sexuality like he’d expected when he opened the chat.

He starts spending more time at the rink, he eats less as well but it’s only because he’s constantly nauseous nothing else. No really he’s fine! He’s just on a stricter diet Ilya you don’t need to worry!! He cuts his hair again even after promising Ilya he wouldn’t.

When Ilya asks him about it Shane just says it was getting in the way while playing and Ilya buys it because despite what Ilya claims he is a good liar and always has been.

He’s always been independent, he’s solved his issues by himself just like he will with this as well. He just needs to get better and maybe then they’ll respect him again.

Then everything will go back to normal. Except it doesn’t.

It doesn’t go back to normal and it doesn’t get better, if anything it gets worse. And Shane is slowly killing himself trying to prove hes good enough to a team that doesn’t want him anymore. A team that wants him out, a team that hates him.

But Shane can’t see it, he can’t see how much they hate him because he loves them, it’s the rose colored glasses that stay firmly in place. Until the video. Until they get outed because then they get violently yanked off. And for the first time Shane can see just how wrong he was.

He wasn’t the issue, never had been and he could see it now, how much muscle he’s lost, how thin he was. How tired he was. It was lucky as well that it happened when it did because Shane didn’t know how much longer he could have gone on like that.

He had a feeling that had he not stopped when he did he wouldn’t have made it to his wedding day. He too would have left Ilya and that breaks his heart more than the realization that he could have died does. Because appart from Ilya, would it really be that bad? It’s not like anyone would miss him that badly.

Shane isn’t saying that he’d do it just that if he happened to die would it really have been so bad? If he died because of hockey he feels like he wouldn’t have minded because he’d have died doing what he loved.

Except

He doesn’t feel like he loves it anymore, he knows he loves hockey but it doesn’t feel fun anymore. And it hasn’t been fun for a long time. Besides the all stars of 2017 he doesn’t remember when stepping on to the ice became more of a chore than his dream.

Hell always love hockey a part of him at least but he hasn’t realized how complicated of a relationship he had with the sport. He didn’t know who he was without it and yet in the last few years hockey rarely brought him the happiness it once did.

He doesn't get much useful advice and soon the guys are arguing about how long you can pursue someone before it starts getting pathetic. Holmberg is at one end of the spectrum at two weeks ("We're rich professional athletes, man, we shouldn't have to try that hard.") and Wyatt Hayes is on the other at three months ("Maybe she likes you but just doesn't want the WAG lifestyle. You need to prove to her that you see her as a person with her own goals separate from yours.")

Then someone notices that Ilya, despite his wealth of experience, hasn't chimed in yet and asks, "What do you think, Cap?"

"Two years."

The entire room goes still.

"What?"

"Two years," Ilya repeats, completely unashamed. "Is not pathetic to go for what you want. Not if you think they're worth it."

In sync, every person in the room turns to look at Shane, who's pretending to fiddle with the laces on his skates, looking pink-faced and vaguely pleased.

Finally, Holmberg turns to the rookie. "Okay, I guess two years is fine if it's Shane Hollander. Is your girl Shane Hollander?"

The poor rookie has no response to that. His girl is, indeed, not literally Shane Hollander.

"Man, gay people move different," LaPointe mutters.

I could not find much on my end, or I was struggling with the search in trying to get more stories similar in this trope. I will say the majority of the fics are Shane thinking he's straight and having his gay awakening. Hopefully some of my followers will be able to help and add stories to this list!!

Queer Ilya

🏒 I think that I just got more gay | 1.1k

🔒 Rose has the feels for another woman for the first time and seeks advice from Shane. Ilya quickly takes over and plays matchmaker.

🏒 I am. So what? | 1.1k

Ilya and Shane discuss their different attitudes towards being visibly queer.

🏒 Leave No Doubt | 1.2k

After Ilya and Shane come out to the public, Ilya has his first solo interview.

🏒 transparent | 1.2k

🔒 Ilya Rozanov's agent keeps a rainbow flag in her pen holder, and a photo of herself and her wife on her desk. Several years after they first meet, he trusts her with a secret.

🏒 You are who you are! | 2.0k

Five times Ilya was the flamboyant king he is.

🏒 Takes a while (but we can figure this thing out) | 2.0k

Ilya has always been bi. Ilya learns that there are more labels now. Ilya needs some time to figure this out. Shane is more than happy to help.

🏒 How gay can you possibly be | 2.1k

Ilya is a bi-icon and Centaurs need that spelled out for them

🏒 Face to Face | 2.7k

Ilya, Shane, Alex and Henry find out they have quite a bit in common when they sit down for a discussion filmed for Queer News Network.

🏒 One of Your Girls | 3.2k

Ilya likes to feel pretty. No one but his mother has ever known this about him, and no one can ever find out. Cue Shane.

🏒 Make The Friendship Bracelet | 3.3k

Shane gives Ilya a bracelet in the colours of the bisexual flag which he guards with his life.

🏒 Chatlog 1 | 4.0k

After hooking up one night in Montreal, llya and Fabian start texting, and Fabian finds himself becoming Ilya's tutor in the world of queer culture.

🏒 Baby's First Drag Show | 4.0k

After seeing Shane and Rose at the club in Montreal, Ilya spends the few days he has off before All-Star Weekend with his team in San Francisco. He didn't expect them to bring him to a drag brunch.

🏒 but I bet we’d have really good bed chem | 7.6k

🔒 Ilya makes a new friend and has the most bisexual day of his life, not necessarily in that order.

🏒 No Way for Me to Go Back | 7.9k

study of Ilya Rozanov's queer identity.

🏒 but they bring their boys up different | 12.4k

five times people fail to notice Ilya being queer, and one time they have no choice

🏒 let's be who we were already | 21.7k

In which Shane supports Ilya as he explores gender expression/gender identity. Set during their first season on the Centaurs together.

🏒 This is heaven and I'd die for it  | 28.9k

After Ilya is outed he has to deal with being the only openly queer player in the league, being Russian, and being in love with Hollander even after he ran away all at once. It sucks. He does it anyway.

🏒 As the Romans Do | 40.1k

As a straight man, Ilya Rozanov has never had a gay roommate before, but it’s going pretty well. Shane Hollander is kind, silly, and an even bigger hockey nut than Ilya. So when Shane starts bringing men over, and Ilya begins to want to bash their fucking heads in, Ilya comes to a startling conclusion: He must be homophobic.

🏒 All My Roads, They Lead to You | WIP

An alternate universe where Shane is openly out as gay. Ilya is still closeted bisexual. And they both play for the same team- ie, Ottawa Centaurs.

🏒 Queer Theories Series

After Shane and Ilya make it to the (backyard) altar (with no altar and no chairs), they have to grow into their relationship and into themselves. Moments of queer discovery & joy. Woven throughout some moments in The Long Game and post-TLG.

Sexuality -> Bi/Gay Awakening | Internalized Homophobia | Shane Comes Out AU | Shane Comes Out To Team | Queer Community/Pride | Queer Ilya | Trans Hollanov | TransMasc Shane

Please help with this list if you can!!

Meanwhile the surrogate is watching them have this argument like ‘oh what cute, funny banter!’ for exactly 30 seconds before she realizes ‘oh no they are deadass trying to win this pregnancy.”

The stakes are raised further when it turns out they are having TWINS! and the excitement of that announcement is only dampened by Shane and Ilya both individually thinking “I’ve got to go 2-0 on that motherfucker who is also the love of my life and maybe the father of our children”.

The day finally comes and there they are- Aaron and Milo: the latter dark-haired and already dotted with freckles, first born and not happy about it. Aaron was smaller, light blond hair curling on his little head and quieter. It’s only when they put them together and Aaron reaches a tiny fist over to brush Milo’s cheek that he finally stills; as if he’d only been asking where his brother was this entire time. (A beautiful moment destroyed when Shane and Ilya are holding their new family and Shane whispers over the infant’s heads “If Milo is mine- I technically won.” Ilya wisely bites his tongue versus waking the entire neo-natal unit.)

You, the Garden by lady shadowdrake

https://archiveofourown.org/works/80452866

fate loves the fearless by jafffacakes

https://archiveofourown.org/works/84018071

i want a scar that looks just like you by the ever incredible angel_deux

https://archiveofourown.org/works/83148861

behind enemy lines by Anonymous

https://archiveofourown.org/works/79026596

the language of us and searching for a language where we both can lie by SafelyCapricious

https://archiveofourown.org/works/78016776

https://archiveofourown.org/works/80069971

author eurydicees has multiple

your heart is a muscle (it has the strength of your courage) https://archiveofourown.org/works/80892336

your heartbeat, as familiar as my own https://archiveofourown.org/works/83139076

your body as my mirror https://archiveofourown.org/works/86505621

you and i might just be the best thing by blongblong

https://archiveofourown.org/series/5536111

the most dangerous thing by voidvapor

https://archiveofourown.org/series/5709196

You Can Lie (Not to Me) by newtntommy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/76418136

underneath my skin is all you see by sapphicblight

https://archiveofourown.org/works/78667116

Lovers and Letters by AshwinMeird

https://archiveofourown.org/works/80489176

There's nowhere to go but on by multifandomgeek

https://archiveofourown.org/works/79825126

I'll Believe in Anything (Including Hockey Oracle Sidney Crosby) by everwitch

https://archiveofourown.org/works/79986596

This one isn't really a soulmate AU but its a fun magical realism fic that kinda sometimes gives soulmate vibes

i have a few more that are WIPs that i can send to you later

i do!! this took me a bit bc i don’t read fics that often, or if i do, if i don’t fuck with the writing style or the characterization is a bit too ooc i’m outta there. #strict i’m also horrible at keeping track of what i read. that being said none of these fics have any sort of rhyme or reason, they’re just fics i like, so i highly encourage you to read the tags n everything before proceeding. and i’m pretty sure these all have smut. sorry. it is the hockey yaoi show after all. most of them are also all pretty angsty… if you want fluff recs i am not your guy… i would say these are pretty popular as well, so you’ve maybe read them.… BUT! HERE U GO:

about summer by chaentics (i’m never shutting up about this one. the prose, the inspiration for it, the absolute pain this one put me through. so beautiful.)

all my perversions by probablylily (changed my brain chemistry. i couldn’t stop thinking about this one for days. i’ve read it so many times)

advice from fools by anonymous (highly rec everything from their series, so fucking yummy to me)

i don’t make the rules (but i should) by weavingshaw (literally spent the whole time reading this grinning wildly. LOVEEEE this one)

free rein by eleadore (this was i think the first hollanov fic i read? it altered me)

throwing down by redwinterbloom (smiling like a shark the whole time i read this. WOOF)

struggle pretty by thesehands (yeah. just. yeah my god. beautifully written beautifully characterized. rec everything by them as well.)

then the raiders shoot a PSA for the boston library. it’s the first time ilya’s been in a library since he was a child. and he simply cannot handle the librarians. they spend an extra hour filming because ilya stutters whenever someone with glasses asks him a direct question. he misspells his own name while getting a library card when the man helping him rebuttons the top of his collared shirt. he tries to flirt with a woman reshelving books by asking her what the numbers on the spines mean and if he can get hers; she doesn't clock his pick-up line and explains the dewey decimal system to him for ten minutes. ilya blushes the entire time. 

Ilya Rozanov, confused: I am married to Shane.

Annoying reporter: Yeah but if you weren’t. Like if you divorced.

Ilya, panicking: Why? He is mad? What happened? I must call—

Annoying reporter, getting frustrated: No! No, like…pretend he doesn’t exist.

Ilya, distraught: I cannot do this! Shane is my sweetheart, he is everything! I—

Annoying reporter: It’s just a pretend question!!

Ilya, pausing: Oh.

Ilya: Well…..is trans person hot? Good at hockey? Nice? Good in bed?

"what do you think, mom?" shane sounds anxious on the other side of the line.

"shane, it's the all-star weekend in tampa bay, not paris fashion week," says yuna after scrolling through the outfit inspirations and mood boards of very fashionable clothes that shane has never worn before. (when did he even have the time to make these?)

"i know, but i want to look nice," shane says.

after shane sends over a third batch of photos for yuna's opinions, she hires a stylist for him. shane thanks her again and again after coming back from florida.

shane who sat under his dads desk and helped him out with ‘important documents’. his dad ‘needed all these papers folded in perfect halves’, and five year old shane was not gonna disappoint him. he was gonna win at folding papers in half.

(in reality these were just last years invoices that ought to be shredded but shane needn’t know that)

by lunch time he had folded nearly 100 important documents in half and susan the receptionist told him he’s the best paper folder she’s ever met! dad ruffled his hair with pride.

Like he’s just cum, his brain is soup, the beast of heteronormativity is breathing down his neck, and he says,

‘I can’t. I can’t do this.’

and Ilya just replies

‘The light fixtures in the kitchen were imported from a designer in Spain.’

….

….

‘What?’

and now he’s so confused he can’t possibly leave.