The Big Not Very Wee Hag

Shane's gonna get an ulcer.

And the conversation goes somewhat similarly, ilya is trying to sniff out if Shane's a bisexual and if he could take this thing seriously by talking about how casual it is with Svetlana. Then the phone call/frotting/freak out sequence. But its Shane realizing he's so into Ilya and Ilya is into him and Shane Will never ever get ilya because he's married and this needs to stop, he needs to stop letting Ilya cheat with him. He needs to stop being so dirty and needy and pathetic that he's willing to beg for scraps from a married man. Even after the Rose break up. Shane is determined not to go back to Ilya because he can't let them keep doing this horrible thing that has been going on behind Svetlanas back. He can't let ilya keep blowing up his life, not when Shane really cares about him like this.

Oooooooooh he runs into Svetlana in the hallway!!! After fucking her husband, after holding her husband while he cried, after telling her husband he liked him and wanted them to be together. He cannot look her in the eye and meanwhile Svetlana is like I'm gonna befriend this weird little hockey freak that my best friend is so into.

Post Tampa, they don't go to the cottage (cause shane does not invite Ilya cause how would he explain that to his wife, the answer would obviously be no) but he does go to New York for some ad thing and he and Ilya agree to meet up for dinner. Shane shows up and Svetlana is there (she wants to meet Shane as the best friend and while Ilya thinks Shane knows about the marriage he's not unaware that Shane is weird about the marriage and correctly guesses that Shane would not agree to dinner if he knew Svetlana was there). You're right that Shane does actually really enjoy talking hockey with her, she's on his wavelength the same way that Ilya is and the whole time Shane's thinking 'well no wonder he chose her, no wonder he married her, they're such a great match'. The vibes are weird but Ilya and Svetlana are charismatic enough that they don't stay that way all the way up until they get up to go and ilya places his hand on the small of Shane's back and is clearly assuming theyre going to leave to go to the hotel together as planned and Shane is like 'bro your wife.is.right.there.🫪'

Crucially about this AU also, on the topic of how Shane wouldn’t invite Ilya to the cottage: Ilya also wouldn’t have been trying to break up when they were supposed to meet when Shane gets hurt because he considers the entire situation of their relationship to be safer in light of Svetlana and his visa. So if Shane HAD asked Ilya would’ve said yes on the first go. But he doesn’t, because how could he? How could he when Ilya always goes back to Russia with his wife in the summer? But Ilya has no reason to go back so he maybe actually is the one to suggest they meet up during the summer (not for a whole two weeks, he would be nervous to suggest such a long time, but a weekend maybe) and Shane agrees of course because if Ilya’s figured out an excuse for Svetlana it’s probably okay. When they’re together Ilya mentions that Svetlana actually IS in Russia over the summer seeing her family and Shane has many many mixed feelings about it (he’s here with me and not with her, I could’ve invited him to the cottage and she wouldn’t have known, why didn’t she stay with him anyway, why didn’t he go with her, how could she give up the only free time he has with him, he’s choosing to be here with me instead of in his home country with his wife and family, oh god why is he choosing me he can’t do that). This is how they get their first glimpse at what domesticity would be like however because Ilya has like rented an Airbnb or something and they barely leave the apartment all weekend. It’s their first sleepover. Shane is so jealous that Svetlana gets this with him everyday that he could cry.

But then Svetlana comes home from Russia, halfway through the week. Shane is attempting to dive behind the couch and hide and Ilya is like wtf are you doing? She knows you're here. This is where it all comes out, the marriage is a greencard marriage, Svetlana has been aware of Shane this entire time and Ilya had thought that Shane hae been aware of this the entire time. Also the past year Ilya has only slept with Shane and had somehow been under the impression post Tampa that they were dating seriously. (His feelings are a little hurt that Shane was unaware of this until Shane blurts out holy shit I'm in love with you).

It’s a reveal for us, and for our heroes. It means something, both in-universe and out. And that makes it infinitely better than other similar reveals.

as a chemist i would like to say BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Cons: You can only access them through the headache machine because they live 1 billion lightyears away

Do you ever think about how mythical and godlike Murderbot must be to the other rogue secunits in Platform Decay? More importantly do you think they all have a crush on it??? *murderbot shoots me with a sniper rifle killing me instantly*

Been to Boston in the fall (cannot overstate this)

Had to save @wintergardenscribe's tags because YES that's it exactly 😭

You can stop using character.ai today. You can say "I listened to the facts and stopped." And another thing: don't you think it's a bit more impactful to have used it, stopped, and then you're in a position to say how little it helped? How doing things for yourself improved your life?

it is this 4ever everywhere u look