Spock's Raised Eyebrow

Mr Bingley: Oh my gosh, that's wonderful! When did Elizabeth tell you this?

Mr Darcy: When I proposed to her.

Mr Bingley: ...

Mr Darcy: ...

Mr Bingley: You proposed to the sister of the woman you said I shouldn't marry because of her family's unsuitability?

Mr Darcy: If it helps... she said no

Anyways, post TLG maybe once his series on the Centaurs socials gets some good feedback Shane does start looking into getting Spaghetti tattooed on his body (i know spaghetti is the first immortal corn snake), so Spaghetti is always with him. It is actually quite an involved process for Shane he goes to multiple artists (he loves Luca’s art but he just could not capture Shane’s dear friend/son in all his glory) , gets multiple sketches but nothing fits his vision or expresses the weight/importance that a friend like Spaghetti has had on Shane’s life.

When Shane brings it up in a video (not even one of his snake videos it is a “Get to know the lineup” type video for the start of the season and everyone is answering random questions and they are asked what their dream tattoo would be), his DMs are flooded with people who want to tattoo “The Shane Hollander”. However, he does get some great recommendations from the fans of his snake videos so of course Harris convinces him that maybe the people would like to come along for the ride.

The video(s) includes meeting the artist, the sketching process, them going through different placements, and of course Shane sitting like a stone statue for the tattoo. They do bring Spaghetti for the tattoo cause the little noodle is the true star of the series but Ilya has to hold Spaghetti/keep him in the traveling tank (don’t know if they exist honestly Shane is rich enough and dedicated enough to get some guy to make it) the whole time. The final instagram post is the healed tattoo and Spaghetti covering the tattoo perfectly cause obviously it is life size and how Spaghetti prefers to wrap around Shane.

Body Horror: Things that cannot happen in real life. EX: The Thing, stomach mouths, eyes on hands, etc

Gore: Fresh injuries, often severe. EX: Severed leg, gutspill, deep gashes, etc

NEITHER: Healed injuries and burns, congenital differences, missing appendages, etc. If I could theoretically go to the store and see that character browsing the isles- It isn't body horror or gore. That's just a person. *AND the amount of people that tag, not just fictional characters, but real human beings as body horror is staggering. Its not solely a fandom issue, ableism and bigotry against anyone that looks sufficiently "different" is prevalent in real life and has devastating consequences.

the double whammy of Giant Fucking Dogs all looking at him and then a parrot strutting her way through is KILLING ME

man is trying to be a good and present and supportive new boyfriend, but GOD the odds are stacked against him rn

the dogs are pretty polite in general, but yuna is ABSOLUTELY the ultimate authority. she is the only one powerful enough to overcome zeke's cheese madness.

which leads to the EXTREMELY funny scenario of big ass hockey player ilya getting his ass beat tf up by this massive dog because he made the fatal mistake of bringing shredded cheese into the house until yuna leans in and snatches the bag away, which makes zeke immediately sit and wait

meanwhile ilya is just

her name is clara, and she is convinced she is a lapdog

Im also imagining him with a note on his phone for "shane clubs" with notes and rating on how much shane will like them

so ilya has an internal criteria for if shane will like a club or not (is there a place to be outside of the main action? is there a place where you can stand and the music isn't so loud? are the lights predictable or do they have a lot of strobing? etc.), and if the club meets THOSE qualifications, then he will ask at the bar if they have ginger ale. if no, out of the running as a place he will take shane. if yes, success! new Shane Friendly Club.

Club with heavily upholstered booths that muffle sound. Lots of ginger ale. Menu has several variations on a Moscow Mule

Club with a big fishtank behind the bar that Shane likes to look at when he’s overstimulated. Drinks are hipstery. Shane likes the hibiscus-peppercorn Old Fashioned.

Club that has twinkly chandelier lights that aren’t too harsh or too dim. Ginger beer instead of ginger ale. Still good though.

Club that plays weird avant-garde Québécois indie rock and doesn’t allow cameras. Large selection of Canadian whiskey.

Bar with lots of darts and pool tables if Shane is feeling competitive. Aggressively hipster. They brew their own weird probiotic soda. Shane LOVES weird probiotic soda.

Bar and grill with live jazz. They have a vegan menu. Shane likes the fried jicama sticks. Organic ginger ale.

Club with gauzy curtains hanging from the ceiling that look cool AND block cameras. No ginger ale, but Shane will have a mint julep (they are excellent)

Club playing exclusively 80s hits, weird cocktails with rosemary smoke. Every hour on the hour they drop pounds and pounds of confetti from the ceiling. Drunk Shane thinks it’s pretty.

Club with a ball pit gimmick. Ilya suggested it as a joke but Shane’s eyes got huge like a cat fixating on a bug. It’s deeply overstimulating and he can tolerate it for about 90 minutes before he has to stand outside for a bit. Very strong drinks.

he's not even like. moving around in it.

he is drunk, and he is laying perfectly still as if meditating, and tbh? kind of unsettling. three different people have checked on him. ilya circles back every twenty-ish minutes to be like, "shane? you are alive still?" yep.

he's fine.

shane's Slutty Shorts™ that he uses as a sex signal at home

shane and ilya KILL at charades. the cens play this together for the first time at a bbq and make the mistake of letting hollanov be partners and since then have never made the same mistake again. they can read each other's minds. ilya knows the answer based on the way shane's eyebrow moves up. shane sees ilya's right pinky twitch and knows the exact answer without ilya acting out anything

ilya is somehow locked into all the drama happening in the league and shane (although he will probably deny it) is such a sucker for the gossip. after league events (the awards/all stars), they spend at least an hour talking about all the tea that ilya's collected while doing their night routine or while lying in bed and shane eats it up

shane loves tracing ilya's moles on his back when they're lying in bed (he will also sometimes trace out hockey formations with them and gets called out by ilya immediately every time) (ilya loves it)

ilya sometimes hides the sunscreen during summers at the cottage cause he wants to see more freckles; shane, however, always finds it cause he doesn't play about sun care and "no i'm not risking getting skin cancer just cause you like my fucking freckles, ilya"

ilya's lockscreen on his phone is a rotating album of shane and anya pictures; shane's used to be one of the basic default ones, but he changes it to a picture of ilya holding puppy anya like a baby the second they get home after their meeting with crowell

shane is chronically offline (duh) but importantly, that means that he almost always falls for every single tiktok trend that ilya tries with him (the only times he doesn't is when rose sends them to him first)

shane doesn't really ever post insta stories (see above) besides sponsorships and occasionally reposting the centaurs account BUT every once in a while (namely, when ilya does a sexy ad), his jealousy pipes up enough that he'll post a picture of him and ilya. usually without their faces but always very clear that it's them because he likes making sure the internet knows that ilya is his

ilya sees a video of the classic college girl dorm polaroid wall once and decides they need one so now everyone who visits their ottawa home gets a polaroid on the wall. but ilya and shane take so many polaroids of each other randomly that it becomes more of a collage of them (because the whole "we can finally take and put pictures up of us together in the house we share" of it all)

Then little old lady Margaret who is going blind in one eye remembers how Stede always carries her groceries and helps out in her garden and she's like "Pirates? These two? Have you been drinking?"

And Roberta the baker whose abusive husband died under mysterious circumstances is like "What are you talking about? They're innkeepers. Obviously."

And Lily the blacksmith who made the rings for Ed and Stede's wedding ceremony is like "Pirates? I don't see any pirates."

And Ted the florist is like "Do these guys look like pirates to you?"

And the guy who pointed at them is like "??? But he's obviously Blackbeard!!"

And everyone stares at each other in confusion until one man points at clean shaven Ed with his hair in a cute little up-do with flowers, and says "This is Blackbeard? The legendary pirate who kills without hesitation?"

And the guy who pointed stutters because yeah this guy doesn't have a black beard (or any beard at all) and everyone is staring at him like he completely lost his mind so he's finally just like "sorry" and leaves with his head down.