Tryan's meandering attempts at basic humanity

I don’t get the Loid hate lately. For always thinking about the mission and prioritizing the mission. Thus he’s a heartless jerk?

For starters, he’s fucking Twilight. He’s been this way for over 10 years and he’s been on his own for over 20. This way of thinking is drilled into his very being and it’s going to take a lot of re-wiring to undo the way his brain works.

We can’t forget, to Twilight, a threat to his mission is a threat to the whole world. Twilight compromised = war. An imperfect Twilight means the people he now cares about will be in danger.

And we’re not always in his head. We don’t know his thoughts when he’s alone, when he can’t sleep, where the threads of his thoughts go. But anyway, he doesn’t just think about the mission. That’s so clearly a red-herring imo.

But beyond that…

You guys, this is INSANE.

Yuri is right. His actions convey how he really feels, who/what he’s really thinking about, and who/what he’s actually prioritizing. His actions, his instincts, are not a lie. They CANNOT lie. It’s so obvious, even Yuri can see it. It’s so obvious, it’s painful. It’s so obvious, it’s making him physically ill.

And here he is, apparently questioning Yor again. But he’s not, he’s questioning himself. His actions, his feelings. He’s the one who is different. He’s the one who jeopardized the mission by stepping in front of Yor when someone pointed a gun at her. He was so panicked Yor was going to learn the truth, he fucking tranqed her at a pizza party surrounded by the SSS. His actions aren’t lining up with how he should be acting. And Yor is the cause. Not for who she is or what she’s done, but how she makes him feel and what she makes him do. She’s still throwing him off balance, thus threatening not only the mission, but every thing he once thought he knew about himself. How he thinks, what he does, and what his priorities are.

Anya has just as much of a wildcard personality as Yor does. But he never questions if Anya is helping or hurting the mission the way he does with Yor. Because it’s not just about Yor. It’s about him. It’s about what he feels for Yor. To him, his feelings for Anya are probably just as scary, but at least they’re understandable. Yor does stuff like this and it sends him reeling. And then he starts those ponderings about the mission again.

If he were “perfect”, the mission would actually be the only thing on his mind. He wouldn’t be doing stupid shit like risking his life for his wife or drugging her just to leave a party. But he isn’t “perfect,” he’s so far off the deep end at this point he looks like this right now.

Twilight is starting to heal. And he panicked.

a really fun commission i got to draw for @castielrisingabove 👎🏻

- yes

- no, but i would try it

-no, and i wouldn’t try it

(i apologize if this poll isn’t allowed!! just a debate i was having with friends the other day)