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some of you werenât around for the fan fiction dot net purge of 2002 (when they banned explicit content and mass-deleted thousands of fics) and the livejournal purge of 2007 (when they deleted hundreds of blogs, disproportionately targeting queer & kink content) and it shows
Ilya doesnât have the best relationship with sleep.
Itâs⌠fine, overall. But he knows that sleep doesnât come as easily to him as it does to the average person. It takes time for him to get his brain to turn off all the way, it takes a few tosses and turns to get comfortable. It can even be hard to stay asleep sometimes, the smallest of sounds or movements from a teammate in a hotel room can jostle him right awake at random hours of the night.
Unless he sleeps on Shane. Not even next to Shane. But on top of Shane.
The first time it happened was at the cottage. It was their first night together and Ilya had found himself curled up on Shaneâs lap in front of the fire, Shaneâs fingers soothingly scrunched in his hair, scratching at his scalp in just the best way. And Ilya was tired. Exhausted from the flight, from the anxiety of facing this large expanse of time he was to spend with the man he loved but had not expressed it, and opening up about his mother was the final blow, leaving him so emotionally drained that the flames licking in front of him just turned into an orange blur.
He wanted to stay there forever, with Shaneâs thighs pillowing him, a hand rubbing up and down his body with another in his hair. So he closed his eyes.Â
Ilya had no idea he had fallen asleep until he later felt rubbing at the space behind his ear on the edge of his jaw, Shaneâs voice guiding him back to consciousness. âItâs late, Ilya,â Shane murmured. âWhy donât you start heading to bed while I put out the fire? Iâll be right behind you.â
Ilya made sure to stay awake until Shane clambered into the bed ten minutes later.
The next time was only days later. Shane was sitting across from him on the couch, their feet pressed together, his eyes shining, voice wobbling as he said âDonât marry Svetlana." Ilya couldnât stop himself from standing up, gathering the blanket that had been draped over him, and flopping into Shaneâs side.
âIâm fine,â Shane had begun to protest as Ilya pulled the blanket over them both.
âI didnât say you werenât,â Ilya replied simply, squirming up against Shane until he could tuck his head on Shaneâs shoulder, forehead pressed to his neck. âMaybe Iâm just cold.â
Shane scoffed and looked back down at his phone, Ilya quickly scanning the screen. âAre you really reading hockey shit right now?âÂ
He felt Shane shrug against his head. âI know, I know. Call me boring, I accept it.â
Ilya grinned and snuggled closer. âIs fine. Youâre good pillow either way.â
Shane rested his head on Ilyaâs and began to scroll, and Ilya could do nothing but close his eyes, and let sleep take him in seconds. He was woken up again later, Shane gently whispering in his ear to coax him to bed.
âŚOnly to wake him later in the middle of the night, promptly kicking Ilyaâs ass with a detailed plan about how they could spend the rest of their lives together. Ilya passed out on Shane like a human sized weighted blanket, tears still wet on his face.
The sweetest time Ilya did it at the cottage was in front of Shaneâs parents. The day after Shane came out to them, Yuna and David stopped by for dinner. Eventually the group sat by the fire, stars twinkling in the sky, and Ilya could feel himself crashing. Between the sex and the emotional conversations, the amount of sleep he was having was not enough, and he could feel it. Shane and his parents were chatting around him and Ilya lost focus, leaning over his knees and staring into the fire, trying to focus on the shapes of the flames to keep his eyes open.
He eventually felt a gentle pull at his shoulder. It was Shane guiding him to lean back against the back of the couch with him, tucking Ilya into his neck and shoulder once again. Ilya wanted to object, but found himself curling into Shaneâs warmth, and closed his eyes.Â
Shane didnât wake him this time, instead the continued voices pulled him back to awareness. He kept his eyes closed and listened to the conversation, not wanting to lose the way Shane held him. Ilya began to realize that they were talking about him.
â-been really tired these past few days. Itâs been a lot for both of us.â
âI can imagine,â Yuna replied softly. âHe seems quite comfortable with you.â
âHeâs been doing this a couple of times,â Shaneâs grip on Ilyaâs shoulder tightened in a squeeze. âKnocks right out on me.â
âBecause he knows youâre safe.â Yuna said. Then, after a stretch of silence, âHe seems like a really sweet boy.â
âYeah,â Shane said after a beat. âHe is.â
It took everything in Ilya not to smile.
And it became a regular occurrence after that. Shane would joke that Ilya was just using him as a cheat code, since being on top of him seemed to magically make Ilya pass out in seconds, but Yunaâs words stuck with him. The safety that Shane gave him was unlike anything he ever had, and he took advantage of that whenever he could. Over the following years, Ilya would always find himself flopping on top of Shane whenever possible. Shane would be reading his book in bed in his adorable glasses and Ilya would press into his neck, read a few words of his boring hockey book, and sleep. He would drape himself over Shane on the couch, press his face into Shaneâs chest, and sleep. Once theyâre on the Centaurs together, he would sleep on Shane during flights because planes made him more nervous after the emergency landing and would rather not be conscious.Â
And as for Shane? Shane loved it. He loved every part of it. He loved the moment he could feel Ilyaâs body slacken, he loved the soft snoring noises he would make. And he especially loved when he would wake Ilya up. He would blink up at Shane so softly and scrub at his eyes, smiling dreamily as Shane rubbed whatever part of his body that he had access to. And Ilya would always tilt his head up for a kiss, which Shane would of course oblige. And Ilya would make the cutest noise on the planet, only reserved for these moments, where Shane wakes him up to herd Ilya to wherever he needs to be next. Itâs just the softest noise of contentment and peace, sometimes Shane would kiss him a second time just to hear it again.Â
So, sure. Ilya may not have the best relationship with sleep. But heâs found a human sized freckled body pillow that has made it a lot better.Â
Back in June, I asked folks to tell me about their most self-indulgent Hollanov AUs: those fics that live in your heart or that you're dying to read, even if they make no sense for Shane and Ilya.
The response was more than I could have imagined. Shane and Ilya (and Jane and Liliya!) became about astronauts and actors, journalists and musicians, retired hockey players, fantasy creatures, heroic knights, and party to an organized crime syndicate. They were in the 60s in Moscow and Canada, in Regency England, in a 15th-century monastery. They met as kids, or in high school, or as up-and-coming political opponents. It was a day spent celebrating everything we love about Hollanov without the constraints of pesky logistics or concerns about realism.
And now, we're doing it again!
On the AU-gth (8th) of August, we'll be celebrating another Self-indulgent Hollanov AU Day. To participate, just hop over to my ask box and write to your heart's content. You can share your ideas now, or wait until the big day! Please note that your ask is for Self-indulgent AU Day, so I won't share it early.
When it's the AU-gth, I'll post everyone's fic ideas in a day-long spree! Everything will be tagged #HollanovAUgth if you want to follow along, or go ahead and scroll through now to see what folks wrote last time!
Let's have some fun during the hiatus, shall we?
Thanks to @observethewalrus for the amazing AU-gth pun and to @ilyapasta, @orchidscript, @hollzy-baby, @jeffthemagicdragon, @withoutaplease, and @martelldoran for reassuring me it was a good idea to embrace this fandom's love for special days.
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after their relationship goes public, ilya finally sends shane all the selfies he's taken but could never send beforeâin the mirrors of road trip hotels, on his messy bed after shane leaves his house in ottawa, in shane's living room when shane wasn't paying attention, and so many moreâand shane saves all of them into a new, special album on his phone and tries not to cry.
dont know if you are taking requests butâŚ. something funny with yuna fucking around and findind out way too much about his precious sonâs sex life
Back on my bullshit I fear. Not exactly a FAFO sitch but Yuna certainlyâŚ.learns some things.
â
Taken Care Of: A Hollanov Ficlet feat. Yuna Hollander
rating: m | wc: 1.2k | tags: not much idk sexting?, minor daddy kink, Yuna being lowk funny, Ilya being Ilya
â
The Nomads are down three at the end of the second, and Yuna is not the least bit surprised. âWhat a fucking shitshow,â she shakes her head, hitting mute for the commercials.Â
âYou always call it.â
Yuna smiles at Shane next to her on the couch and pats his leg, just the two of them as David runs errands on a bright Saturday afternoon.Â
Shane hoists himself off the couch during the break, heading toward the bathroom. But before he disappears, his head swings back around the cornerÂ
âOh, before I forget, I got an email from Calvin Klein that, for whatever reason, didnât go to you first. Will you take a look at it? I got side-tracked and didnât forward it.â
âYou got it,â she throws over the couch. âDid you change your phone password?â
âNope, still the same,â he yells from down the hall.
She grabs his phone from the side table and taps the screen. She can see that Shane has several text notifications from Ilya, and a fond smile crosses her lips. For so long, Shane didnât have anyone that made him feel as loved as Ilya does, and as much as Yuna wants to remit as much love as possible to her son, there are obviously kinds of love she cannot gift him.Â
He found it himself, and it blooms in her chest, the affection for Ilya and the pride for Shane.Â
She doesnât want to pry into their relationship, and fully intends to just swipe up as soon as she unlocks, but the text thread opens from where Shane locked it as soon as she enters his password, and she feels a thump in her chest and a drop in her gut.Â
âOh, jesusââ she whispers to herself, locking the phone and slamming it face down on the couch. For a moment she thinks she might be having a heart attack, but she also feels a pit in her stomach and a flood of disbelief at what she just saw.
Because itâs all imprinted at the front of her mind. Two messages from an hour ago.
Ilya: Come back. I'm already so fucking horny without you.Â
Shane: Two weeks and I'm naked and all yours for three whole days.
And then the new messages.
Ilya: Turn off the game and jerk off for daddy. He misses that pretty cock.Â
Ilya: That tight beautiful little hole.Â
And a picture for proof. Her almost son-in-law, posted against his pillows, buck naked. Holding hisâŚhis himâŚfully erect in his hand.Â
Jesus fucking Christ. On the list of things she never, ever wanted to see, this was relatively fucking high. Just one of those texts would have been more than she ever needed to witness in a lifetime. All that was enough to consider a sudden, temporary memory loss a blessing.Â
Shane plops back down on the couch, pulling his legs up. âWhat do you think?â
Her eyes bulge slightly. âOh. Oh, yeah. Iâll take care of it. Donât worry about it, Iâve got it.â
âThank you,â Shane says, elongating the second word, settling into the couch.Â
âYup,â Yuna relays absently, staring at the muted television as the commercials continue to play.Â
She knows too much. And now sheâll have to go into his phone again to get whatever email she completely forgot to find. She knows much too much. About Shane, about his fiancĂŠ, about their sex life. None of which she ever wanted to see.Â
âMom?â
She jolts.Â
âGameâs back on?â
âHuh?â
Shane smiles. âGame. Back on.â
âOh,â she catches up again, shaking her head. âYeah, sorry. Distracted.â She unmutes the television, but has never felt less interested in a game.Â
âYou good?â Shane asks, amused.Â
âYeah. Yes, all good. Thanks, honey.â
Her eyes stay fixed on the screen as Shane swipes up on his phone.Â
Until she canât help herself, looking out the corners to see his expression. She can see him open Ilyaâs text thread (easily identifiable by being the only contact with emojis [which Ilya had added, she knows]). Shane quickly tips his phone away from Yuna, covering the side with a cupped hand and nibbling his lip, but the barest hint of a smile.Â
For just a second.Â
Before he realizes that he had yet to open those texts. Didnât see notifications for them. His smile dims.Â
Yuna snaps her eyes forward again. âIâm gonna grab a drink,â she mutters, fleeing off the couch and into the kitchen. She snatches the whiskey bottle off the shelf and pours herself a generous amount, then stares into the brown liquid.Â
Her eyes flicker to the entryway, where Shaneâs head bows down as he slumps in, hands deep in his pants pockets.
âDid youâŚâ
âMm-mm,â Yuna falsely assures, shaking her head and taking her first sip.
But Shane sees through it instantly. âFuck.â
âShaneââ
âI shouldâve checked my texts before Iââ
âShane, itâs fine. Itâs your phone, thatâs your private space.â
âIâm sorry. Fuck, this isâŚI donât know what to say.â
Yuna sighs, leaning against the counter. âThen I'll say it. Youâre an adult. In a, clearly very healthy, sexual relationshipââ
âMomâŚâ
âYou are! And thatâs lovely. Iâm so happy for you, honey. I donât care what you do. Thatâs not for me.â
Shane shuffles, his hands in his pockets fidgeting visibly. âI just donât think either of us need to know anything about each otherâsâŚ.lives.âÂ
âAgreed. Definitely agreed. But, for what itâs worth, heâsâŚâ She tilts her head and her glass. âI mean, heâsâŚâ
âMom!â
âWhat? Iâm just saying! You picked a good one.â
Shane scrubs his face with his palms. âMom, stop.â
âSince you were nineteen makes a lot more sense now,â Yuna mumbles into her drink, grinning wider at another inevitable, âMom!â
He swivels around and storms back into the living room, and Yuna holds in a laugh. Because the situation is laughable, but itâs not really funny. She knows how mortified her son must feel. But sheâs not getting through to him right this second.Â
So she pulls out her own phone.Â
Yuna: Iâm so glad Shane has you.Â
Ilya: I am glad I have him too Yuna đĽ°
Ilya: You made a very beautiful baby. I like him quite a bit.Â
Yuna: Irina didnât do so bad herself â¤ď¸
A few minutes later, Shane makes a groaning noise from the living room. âMother! Ilya says youâre flirting with him!â
âIâm not!â She insists, covering the brimming grin on her lips with her hand.Â
Ilya: Donât tempt me Yuna Hollander. He got his looks from *somewhere*. You would be the next best thing to my Shane đ
She snorts at her phone and shouts back at Shane, âHeâs flirting with me!â
âHe doesnât know youâve seen his fullâŚthing!â
âWould that make it better or worse?â
âWorse! Way fucking worse!â
A new text thread pops up with just Shane, Ilya, and Yuna.Â
Shane: Stop. Both of you.Â
Ilya: Are you feeling threatened little Shanya?
Shane: Shut up. You are not funny.Â
Shane: Maybe Iâll skip our next free weekend
Ilya: You cannot wait that long moya lyubov
Yuna: He does get very grumpy the longer he goes between visits.Â
Yuna: Guess I understand that more now.
Shane: JESUS fuckingâŚ
[Shane Hollander has left the conversation]
Ilya: âŚ
Ilya: u saw what I sent him didnât u
Yuna: No comment.Â
Yuna: Just good to know my son is beingâŚtaken care of.Â
Ilya: Yes well. You do not have to worry about that đĽ°đ
Yuna: I certainly donât. Iâve seenâŚmore than enough to confirm that now.Â
Ilya: Last one who ever will đ
Ilya: Unless maybe David feels left outâŚ
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yk what i want to talk about. how i keep getting thrown out of fics bc shane's passivity in the bedroom is prjected over the rest of his life and their relationship which is a disservice to his role as THE mover and shaker... HE IS THE DO-ER!! he approaches a stranger to say hi, he gets on his knees without prompting, he buys the dildo, he asks the questions, he says lol just kidding i need a girlfriend let me go find one real quick, ok that didn't work but that's how we learn don't sweat, he gets a stylist, he says hey im gay now and also here's how the rest of our lives are going to go
which is not to say i think ilya is passive either, but he likes to feint.... and one step forward two steps back is not the same as shane squaring his shoulders and only way out is through-ing it. let him do this.... let shane do stuff please..........
Love how hollanov are secretly a mommy issues 4 mommy issues couple,,,
Shane, who has only ever taken his mother as a date to every MLH function he's been invited to since he was a teenager: Do you think it's weird that my mother is so involved in my professional life?
Ilya, who wears his dead mother's cross like an albatross around his neck every day of his life since he presumably lifted it from her corpse: No, no I don't think so - I think it's sweet she cares so much. It's nice that you're so close
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I want a friendship between Shane and Cliff Marleau (sort of like an extrovert adopts an introvert type of thing). Pre-outing, theyâre close enough that Shane comes out to him.
âHey,â Cliff says, suddenly struck with the best idea heâs ever had. âI think I know someone youâd get along great with.â
âMarleau, Iâm not really lookingââ
âNo, no, trust me. Heâs a good guy, and one of the best hockey players Iâve ever metâaside from you, of course.â
Shane isnât sure where Cliff is going with this, but he does know heâs not interested in anyone but Ilya.
âI know you mean well butââ
âRozanov,â Cliff announces, grin a mile wide, and Shane blinks. Cliff, for his part, is incredibly sure this is a good idea; he knows that Ilya is bisexual, even if he doesnât talk about it. Even Cliff is aware of the dangers with Russia. Even if the rest of the league hates it, they can fuck off.
Mistaking Shaneâs silence for skepticism, Cliff continues, âI know he seems like an asshole, but heâs one of the best men youâll ever meet. I know youâve seen itâthe whole rivalry thing is bullshit anyways, right? Heâs actually a big softieâŚâ
Cliff talks up Ilya, and Shane smiles, glad that Ilya has such a good friendâeven though he isnât sure how to tell Cliff that he and Ilya are already an item.