Mandy, Wondering...

Rumination is probably the most common type of OCD compulsion, but I rarely see anyone talking about it. I've talked to multiple people diagnosed with OCD who didn't even recognize it as a compulsion.

Basically, if you have OCD you have terrible intrusive thoughts. They can be about anything, but common themes are fear of being a bad person, fear of hurting someone, fear of contamination. etc.

Rumination is when you get stuck in a spiral. Rumination is when you spend hours catastrophizing, overthinking, analyzing, telling yourself it's going to be okay.

I'll say it again:

Rumination is a compulsion.

Rumination is a compulsion, and that means you have to stop doing it.

I did ERP (exposure response prevention) for my OCD with a therapist! For 9 months! And it did help, but the idea didn't really click until I found this website a couple years later.

And Oh My God. It made things make so much more sense, and I was able to pull myself out of an episode even though I wasn't in therapy or on meds at the time.

Genuinely if you have OCD, or even if you suspect you have OCD, I'm begging you to read some of these articles.

Like this was genuinely life changing for me.

Here are some of the ones that were most helpful to me:

Defining Rumination

How to Stop Ruminating

ERP Exercises for Compulsive Rumination

he set up the most beautiful teepee of sticks that anyone has ever seen and brought out the big guns by also setting up a log cabin arrangement of the thicker logs to make sure they'd have a good burn time on this fire. the mathematical precision in the angles and choice of thickness? gorgeous. stunning. he even shaved off wood shavings for tinder instead of using paper or pre-bought firestarter. if he wasn't afraid of fumbling it and ruining it, he would have used flint. as it is, he got it with one match, and he KNOWS how good this fire creation he just did is.

and yet it is spent on an audience that simply does NOT appreciate any aspect of it because his city kid ass truly might be experiencing a firepit for the first time. ilya has no frame of reference for how sexy shane's firestarting skills display just was.

ilya already mad firepit time has to happen at all because shane already said no sex on the patio furniture so this planned chunk of time is already a wash and ilya was then so mad about shane immediately going to fuck around with sticks that he didn't pick up on the no being one of the "convince me to say yes" variety 😔

he confessed it later in their relationship together because by that point it was funny that he had tried so hard to impress her with his fire skills at bonfires and hangouts and it just hadn't worked because she just. hadn't really noticed at all. and now it's a playful/teasing thing ("oh? you're building a fire? david, we're already married." "yuna, i'm starting a flirting fire can you come look at it, please?"), and shane who hasn't consciously decided to copy his parents but also hasn't gotten the full story of them dating and WHY they mention david building fires so often (because ewwwww parents being in love which means kissing. GROSS.), but he's seen his mom standing by or sitting and watching and both of them looking so content and happy and his mom teasingly complimenting his dad on how well he builds fires.

and then he tries it on ilya and it just. doesn't work. excuse me, please be impressed by this fire i made. from watching my parents, this is supposed to work. play your part here, please.

and now i'm feeling extra-soft imagining yuna and david coming over one night and seeing shane keep glancing at ilya as he's making the fire and understanding EXACTLY what he's trying to do here.

and this miscommunicated little circle probably goes NOWHERE until david and yuna go from ‘aw he’s mirroring us this is kinda cute’ to ‘oh shane is getting sad that ilya isn’t flirting back.’ at which point david probably takes ilya aside and is like “ilya. as a member of the family, i want to share some of my secrets for how to start a good fire with you.”

and ilya is of course like “ah! bonding time with david :)” and so david shows his city boy ass some very basic fire starting stuff (because ilya TRULY does not know shit about this 😔) and also tells him some stories about impressing yuna with his fires back when they were dating. ilya is trying to learn well, but he’s not at all thinking about this skill in reference to shane.

UNTIL ☝️ they’re close to finishing and yuna comes over. and she starts the little fire flirting thing with david. “oh my, thats quite an impressive fire.” “well i’ve got someone pretty impressive to impress ;)” and ilya kinda watches from the side like 👀

shane meanwhile is ignoring the fire pit because 1) parents flirting EWWWWW and 2) oh so NOW ilya is interested in fires 😤 hmph he hasn’t even glanced at shane in the last 10 minutes!! …but of course once david and yuna start wrapping up their routine and ilya glances at shane he immediately wanders over to check out how ilya did and also chirp him about how his fire looks and that activates the competitive instinct in ilya.

so the next time shane makes a fire he chirps & compliments it. and shane looks so soft and pleased and is it getting hot near this fire?? wow hollander very sexy~

EVERYONE CLOSE YOUR EYES AND STOP WATCHING HIS SKILLS. THE ONLY THINGS SHANE WILL BE BLOWING AROUND HERE IS TINDER SPARKS AND ILYA.

Wife: GETMO? Husband: (after a moment, with a sigh) Yeah, GETMO. Me: GETMO? Wife and husband, in perfect unison: Good Enough To Move On

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