Hi!

i do not need any more swimsuits. that's all i came here to say. i browse sometimes but my swimsuit is so gorgeous that i cannot even be tempted!!!

some women describe themselves as "plus size." they use it as an adjective. and that's nice. it's nice to have an adjective you can use to describe your body size.

i would like to use it for myself but i don't know if i'm allowed because i don't wear plus size clothing most of the time. my measurements are usually not on the size chart.

am i taking this too literally? can i call myself plus size even if i do not literally wear plus size clothing most of the time?

i would like to align myself with the plus size girlies because they are COOL.

i bought the device secondhand, so i did not give any money to amazon. i could not stomach that. but i am using their device because they only have one competitor, and it is far less popular so i have never seen the one i want for sale secondhand.

basically i like the theater and the fact i've set up all my care and grooming needs. and i like the public transit, even though it could be a lot better, and i can't afford to live in a place where it is possible to depend solely on public transit.

i like my part time job. it's kind of perfect for me. i go to work and do my job without any interference from my bosses. they are present but uninvolved. and then i go home and do not have to think about this job. it is hourly, and they are very careful that we get paid for all our time and do not work beyond our hours. and the pay is decent.

i like that i have good health insurance through our public insurance marketplace. i don't have employer-sponsored health insurance, but i still have good insurance.

so idk. i've been thinking about what is keeping me here. and how compelling these things are. and how maybe my lack of close friends could be a good thing because it enables me to leave more easily lol.

i have stuff that i do. i have interests. i have activities. i get out. but i would not be leaving behind any individual person i would feel sad about, and vice versa.

THIS! IS! WILD!!!!!!!!!!

in my most recent, i try to make meaning of all the palestinian flags i saw at pride.

FORTUNATELY, i have experience with this sort of thing. the long and boring thing.

the synagogue i grew up in, and the type of jewish community i grew up in, prepared me for any long and boring service i will encounter in my life. i was thinking about it, and i think the flavor of jewish with which i grew up has the longest services out of all of them.

i grew up conservative. the orthodox have stricter rules and observance, but they are VERY efficient when it comes to services. in my experience, they absolutely blast through that shit. the reform just do less stuff. and the reconstructionists? they can probably rival conservative services in terms of length. a lot of the liturgy is similar. but the conservative services would still win.

growing up, my friends and i used to have a competition to see who could most accurately guess the exact time services would end on saturday morning. we'd each put in our guesses and then watch the clock. this is how we would entertain ourselves, and i think that tells you all you need to know.

i found out how much i weigh today. i haven't found out in at least 3 years, maybe 4. since i was thin.

it was a random medical assistant at the PODIATRIST of all places who told me the weight they have on file for me very unceremoniously.

i'm feeling alright. the time was going to come at some point. but i wanted to be in control of when it happened.

so i am mad at this lady. honestly fuck her.

i know how much i weigh. on the one hand it is useful, and on the other hand i wish i did not know.

it does not change anything, but now there is a number attached to my body size/shape.

there is a small part of me that is panicking, like "OMG I HAVE TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT AND GET BACK TO THE WEIGHT I WAS BEFORE," but i know the healthiest thing is just to accept it and move on. i'm doing what i need to do to take care of myself, and apparently my body really likes being this size.

HUH????????????? I'M SORRY??????

i'm 100% sure i make less money than her, and i have health insurance!!! it is a priority. i use it a lot.

i know i have massachusetts privilege, but... wtf!!! she has a full caseload! build it into your pricing, and get health insurance, lady!!!

what the fuck????!?!?

also i don't know what her expenses are but i do expect this line of work to be lucrative enough for me to live the life i want.

also also i don't work over the weekend. and i intend to keep it this way. the thought disgusts me. i don't even like having meetings on friday. i try to keep it meeting free. what student wants to meet with their college counselor after school on a friday??? eew!

there may come a point where i need to work on the weekends but i will try mightily to avoid it.