Hi!

THIS! IS! WILD!!!!!!!!!!

in my most recent, i try to make meaning of all the palestinian flags i saw at pride.

FORTUNATELY, i have experience with this sort of thing. the long and boring thing.

the synagogue i grew up in, and the type of jewish community i grew up in, prepared me for any long and boring service i will encounter in my life. i was thinking about it, and i think the flavor of jewish with which i grew up has the longest services out of all of them.

i grew up conservative. the orthodox have stricter rules and observance, but they are VERY efficient when it comes to services. in my experience, they absolutely blast through that shit. the reform just do less stuff. and the reconstructionists? they can probably rival conservative services in terms of length. a lot of the liturgy is similar. but the conservative services would still win.

growing up, my friends and i used to have a competition to see who could most accurately guess the exact time services would end on saturday morning. we'd each put in our guesses and then watch the clock. this is how we would entertain ourselves, and i think that tells you all you need to know.

i found out how much i weigh today. i haven't found out in at least 3 years, maybe 4. since i was thin.

it was a random medical assistant at the PODIATRIST of all places who told me the weight they have on file for me very unceremoniously.

i'm feeling alright. the time was going to come at some point. but i wanted to be in control of when it happened.

so i am mad at this lady. honestly fuck her.

i know how much i weigh. on the one hand it is useful, and on the other hand i wish i did not know.

it does not change anything, but now there is a number attached to my body size/shape.

there is a small part of me that is panicking, like "OMG I HAVE TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT AND GET BACK TO THE WEIGHT I WAS BEFORE," but i know the healthiest thing is just to accept it and move on. i'm doing what i need to do to take care of myself, and apparently my body really likes being this size.

HUH????????????? I'M SORRY??????

i'm 100% sure i make less money than her, and i have health insurance!!! it is a priority. i use it a lot.

i know i have massachusetts privilege, but... wtf!!! she has a full caseload! build it into your pricing, and get health insurance, lady!!!

what the fuck????!?!?

also i don't know what her expenses are but i do expect this line of work to be lucrative enough for me to live the life i want.

also also i don't work over the weekend. and i intend to keep it this way. the thought disgusts me. i don't even like having meetings on friday. i try to keep it meeting free. what student wants to meet with their college counselor after school on a friday??? eew!

there may come a point where i need to work on the weekends but i will try mightily to avoid it.

eight phone calls to get this one appointment!!!

i feel like this is pathological??? i keep on seeking out people who are similar to my mother, who i have a tumultuous relationship with??

if you want to schedule a meeting with someone, and you initiated it, so you want the meeting more than they do, NEVER give them your scheduling link and expect them to use it. they will not. either get their scheduling link or email back and forth until you have a time.

most of the people at the party yesterday were in the same running group. there was a whole group of them that just hung out on the porch while everyone else was inside, and they did not talk to anyone else.

that is truly wild behavior to me. they see each other weekly at running club!!! this party was an opportunity to talk to ppl they don't see every week!

and frankly it was just frustrating to me as an outsider, lol. it was a whole group of people that i did not have the option of speaking to.

there was another smaller group of people that clearly knew each other and were just unfriendly. i don't get it! i just don't get it.

i've gone to so many parties by myself, not knowing many people, so i am particularly sensitive to this. one time at a wedding i was seated at a table with two different groups of people who already knew each other, and they were both super insular, and it made me very sad and lonely.

as it frequently does, the subject of conversation inevitably moved over to dating. people were talking about how much dating in boston sucks, and i felt... super smug, not gonna lie! i said, "i just... don't date. so i do not have this particular grievance." and then i did peace signs with both hands like jonny fairplay.

some people just accepted this with no further explanation, but at a certain point the conversation group grew. when someone from the original group brought up that i am single by choice (nonconsensually, but whatever), some of the new people had questions. it was nice that they were curious and wanted to understand, but it was also weird to be on display like that, among a super heteronormative crowd.

i did not want to tell them that i am aroace bc not only is that an entire tedtalk, but this crowd wasn't even considering that i might be gay! so how would they possibly understand asexuality?

it's really weird to talk about my singleness without also talking about my sexual orientation. the two go together. but i guess sometimes if the crowd isn't right, that's what i have to do.

i just can't believe i had to do it during pride month!! come ON!!!!