pumpkin spice asshole

i step out onto stage clad in full corpse paint and death metal regalia and start playing the most middle-of-the-road soft rock you've heard since 1974

*street shot of zohran mamdani clad in nasty lil suit and hard hat* five months ago i was elected mayor of new york city. in that time, we have managed to COMPLETELY defeat the Staten Island Minotaur at no additional cost to the new york taxpayer

yeah sure whatever

was visiting a friend who has a farm, and one of the chickens has a home made flared cone on, so i asked what was up with that and she said "that's diesel, and she's suicidal" so obviously i went ??? and she pressed the door lock on her truck fob so the truck beeped, and this dumbass bird SPRINTED full tilt across the garden to shove her head in the tailpipe. she has to be locked up and coned so she doesn't gulp down toxic fumes direct from the pipe for some idiot bird reason. she is obsessed with doing this and has to be locked up any time someone is using a vehicle.

I think if I heard I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas in the correct circumstances it could move me to tears. It's like the promise of a brighter future that never came to pass

And he froze the rent only six months into his term.