My friend ("Y") pulled me into a room and told me a month or so ago that she is in love with me. Ok, cool. Im not in love with her, so i don't think this became the conversation she hoped for. She ended the conversation (it was more like a monologue or an information dump by her onto me but whatever) by saying "this wont make anything awkward, right?" as she left the room. I was kind of speechless and didn't really follow up in a good way, but i told her that "no, this wont make it awkward." And i really meant that. I would not make our friendship awkward because of what she's been brave enough to confess. She later told me she did NOT want to talk about it again.

Fast forward a few weeks and me, Y, A, and B are at a party. Y and I had barely talked that evening. Things were kind of getting awkward between us. Me and B are sober while Y and A are well into their fourth drinks that night. Sometimes late into the night A and B turns to me and say "haha, we have serious beef with you! " It was obviously meant as a joke by them but it truly did not land well with me. It truly annoyed me because it made it clear to me just how much Y, A and B have talked about me when im not there and how little A and B actually know about my side of the situation Y and I now found ourselves in. I left half an hour later unrelated to that comment, but it certainly didn't help.

Fast forward again, Y, A and me are sitting at a bar. Y leaves and A turns to me and tells me that she needs to talk to me about something kind of serious. She tells me how Y is pretty distraught by this whole situation and the lack of a follow up conversation about the confession (remember: Y specifically asked for us NOT to talk about it again). A more or less told me that it was my responsibility to communicate better with Y and tell her what i was feeling for her, which is nothing; I love her as a friend, but i am not in love with her. I told A and such and she told me that i need to confront Y about it. It basically made me feel like she accused me of being at solely fault for our lack of communication and that i was the only one who should do something to fix it. Y came back, we finished out drinks and started walking home. A LOT of shit happened to both of us the week after that so the conversation never found place (i likely would not have even had the conversation with her in that time either way because i truly believe that it had to started by Y and not me for it to be handled well)

Last night we were at yet another party and A and B confronted me once again. A opened up the conversation by saying "what the actual fuck??! What is wrong with you??" as she sat down beside me. I told her the music made it hard to hear her so we went outside to talk. I was extremely tired because of a really unhealthy lack of sleep this past week and i'd had two drinks so it a lot easier to actually counter A's accusations when we sat down again. A asked me what was going on between Y and me and why i haven't talked to her yet. The frustration in me boiled over. I told them that 1) i dont think its my responsibility that Y and me never had a conversation about it considering that she has insisted that we dont talk about it; 2) i fint it completely unnatural, mean even, to corner my friend and tell her "i dont love you. get over it" without it coming up naturally in a conversation, which it wont; 3) i am kind of hurt and angry that i am having this conversation with A and B in the first place and not Y. I get that she's been talking to them and i think that is great, but she cannot genuinely believe that the best way for us to talk is for her to talk to A and B and them talk to me and then expect me to talk to directly to Y; and 4) whatever conversation we'll have will not be about my feelings, so i cannot dictate how we should go about having it without potentially making it worse or just plain bad for her, and i really dont want that for her. That decision is hers and she has to be the one to take charge of it if it is important for her.

I think they actually understood what i was trying to tell them and they backed off, so thats good. Now i'm just hoping that they've relayed this back to Y so that she can decide how she wants this to go.