*pterodactyl screech*

Amazing photograph taken in the fraction of a second where the target doesn’t even know he’s being tackled yet. Idiot.

2. They’ll tell you if they want to. 3. Believe them if they do.

if you really want to fuck a vampire then i’d say you’re down for the count

damn thats a lot of notes and a lot of vampire fuckers, i guess its time to raise the stakes

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

God I’m so hungry I could eat a h- *looks around nervously to make sure my friend Devin, the Talking Horse isn’t nearby* phew. Well I’m so hungry I could kill and eat my friend Devin

I really like simple but heartbreaking lines. "I'm tired." "I want to go home." "I'm just... sad."

"I want my mom." (bonus points if character doesn't have parents or a good relationship with their mum)

"I want my mom" GUARANTEED to destroy me.

Actually the monkeys have unionised. That's their circus now.

Saw a comment saying character X can't be a pervert because he's ace. Bro. Bro. Bro. BRO. BRO. BRO. BR

Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again

Maybe the cup needs a bit of time to rest and refill?

Maybe the cup needs to lock the fuck in???

giggled at something and my coworker comes out of the break room and goes "I just heard like, a haunted child laugh... so weird." and I'm like okay so it was a normal regular alive adult laugh actually

but if I guy said this about a girl ??? ? ??

but if a mouse said this about a kia sorento ??? ? ??

It's a lot healthier to go for a daily walk than to sign up for a gym membership you won't be using because you hate that kind of exercise. It's a lot healthier to eat a frozen meal than to skip a meal because you were too tired to cook something healthy. It's a lot healthier to take a quick shower than to procrastinate an elaborate routine for days. Don't aim so high that you won't be hitting anything!

this is actually really helpful and affirming thanks

*in tears* Thanks kitty, I needed this...

Why am I finding out just today that Salvador Dali designed the Chupa Chups logo

actually hate that the bodys response to anything is nausea. ate too much? nauseous. ate too little? nauseous. an imaginary threat got you scared? be nauseous. on your period? you guessed it. sawed into your hand and need to go to the emergency room? perhaps throwing up into your open wound will be of help