WELCOME TO THE PARTY MOTHERFUCKERS

its all whining its all complaining its bitching and moaning. i cant stand the sound of other peoples voices i hate their thoughts i hate the stupid bullshit they care about i hate their faces and the sound of children. i hate the smell of my own body i hate the underwear ive been wearing for weeks i hate the stuffed bear that just came in the mail i hate every bad thing that didnt happen to me. i wish someone had knocked me unconscious in the woods.

i am lost in the suburbs to the south of my house. i am gone for 4 hours. when i come home, they think im leaving the house for the first time

i left the house without my phone or my wallet. i went to the park down the street from my house. i cant sit still for more than a few minutes at a time. insects keep crawling on my legs. i walk in the woods that run behind my house. i want to walk until its dark

ive texted my therapist. my question about the next time she can see me is still unanswered. i tell her i want to hurt someone. she asks me what triggered it. i dont know.

my mother calls. i have not answered her two calls or texts. she reminds me i owe her 50 dollars. she says she will not speak to me about the real reason she called until im in a better mood. i tell her i might never call back. she hangs up. i block her number

i havent felt like myself in days. i text the suicide hotline and they ask what makes me happy. i say nothing. they ask if im about to hurt myself. i am at my job where i use big sharp pliers to cut glass for hours unsupervised. i say no. they ask if they can help with anything else. i say no

why is there no solution for wanting to harm yourself and others that doesnt completely ruin your life

988 is a government psyop created to get more people to kill themselves via the mindnumbing kindergarten level self regulation techniques employed by an undertrained intern. if you work at a hotline i hate you personally as an individual

inside thought

does anyone have that list of suicide methods that tell you what each one does and how much they hurt do not come into the notes or my inbox telling me not to kill myself im not five years old i just want the list

todd chavez is a bullshit guy i think i hate him now

I'm probably gonna commit myself again before the year is out

i cant kill myself until i finish my reading list but perhaps a medically induced coma is on the table

whats the point of a cry for help if its unintelligable

i think im too sad to finish one of my favorite shows yo this sucks

i think im that word thats not not suicidal but like next to it. oh well