disassociating my life away lol

the amount of times i’ve been told that “life is worth living” and “you just gotta find smth you’re passionate abt”… is insane. many ppl who say those things need to realise that it’s not like that for everyone.

just abt everything i love — and genuinely love and care for — is just not even worth it. like, yes, waterfalls are beautiful, so are bunnies. yes, i love my family so so much. yes, i love to write, sing and make music and more. and yes, i have a bucket list, and have many hopes, dreams and life goals.

…but none of it gives me any more of a reason or will to live. none of it makes me love life any more than i do — and even if it does, i just… don’t really care to be alive.

i don’t care if i don’t achieve any of my life goals and/or dreams. i don’t care if i have an entire list of things i wanna do before i “kick the bucket.” i love and care for my family, but ik they’ll be better off without me in the long run bc of all the issues i bring abt.

i just… don’t care for life.

but how can i tell any mental health/medical professionals that when i come off so quiet and/or shy to every- and anyone i barely know?

i can never disclose how i actually am, the symptoms i am presenting or even the pain i feel all bc i don’t look or act like those that “would actually have those feelings/symptoms”. what are those ppl supposed to look like, huh?