FandomsUnite

i love it and hate it when a character in a story is so obviously created to be cool and awesome and then i do think they're cool and awesome. like fuck, yeah, ok, they're fucking epic. swag as hell. you got me you coolbaited me ok? i'm coolbaited.

Certified library post

mice are having sex in my walls :(

never thought i'd get accused of faking having a mice infestation for tumblr clout and yet here we are

you fucked those mice yourself

I fucked those mice myself

My one friend really likes "yo mama" jokes, but she feels bad for saying them to me because my mama's dead, and lately she's been circumventing this by adding "in heaven" to them, a concept I was introduced to with zero warning via a text that said, "Yo mama's so stupid she's in heaven pre-heating the microwave."

You guys are always like "being crushed by 10,000 tons of rock probably feels good as hell" or "being torn to pieces by hunting dogs would low key fix me" and I feel like those things would actually be unpleasant.

How about "Drinking an ice cold strawberry milkshake probably feels good as hell". Do you guys like that one.

What in the unholy fuck is that???

Lasandwich

I’ve been on this earth for 28 slutty, slutty years and I’ve never ever heard of canned sandwiches. What the fuck kind of alternate universe did this post come from

"He has a 12 inch cock" well my pussy ain't a fucking magicians hat bitch where is all that supposed to go

weirdly enough i think it's easier to accept non sexual nudity if you're a bit of a a pervert. like people think "boobs are too sexy, people can't be normal about them", and it seems like a compelling argument, boobs are sexy. but when you realise that other things are sexy as well, things like stomachs, thighs, feet, back muscles, and you can normal about them in a non sexual context, so there's no reason anyone can't be normal about any other part of the body.

petition to change LGBT to DFTQ (Dykes Faggots Trannies and Queers, naturally)

Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is clean your room, open the window, and let the air move again. Energy needs circulation just like lungs do.

no gun emoji no boner emoji no knight falling on his own sword emoji WHAT IS THE POINTTTT. at least we have hole 🕳️ #myhole

Wrong gif. Sorry.

o fuck there's two of them now did they grow this one in a lab from a cutting?

Obviously he made him out of chocolate. C'mon now.

the king has abruptly fired 60% of his wizard staff, so he’s about to be abruptly surprised at who floated 100% of his formerly floating sky castle

I heard they're planning to maintain their levitation rites with autonomous constructs from now on, saying wizards are going to be totally obsolete within the season... so, ah, I'd invest in falling island insurance.

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.